Turbulence
by dabbling
Summary: What if Bobby & Alex don't make such a great couple? Or maybe it just takes a LOT of work? Maybe too much work? Hmmmm...
1. Chapter 1

Turbulence

"You know, she… she wanted to… change me." Goren cupped his glass in his hands and stretched his back a little. "I…" he scoffed, "I'm too old to change."

The bartender wiped down the bar in front of him.

"You probably hear this all the time."

The bartender shrugged and kept working.

"I don't know why I thought she'd be different. I guess… you think you know somebody, and then…." Bobby downed the last of his drink. He reached into his pocket, extracted his wallet, and threw some bills down on the bar. "Thanks for listening."

Bobby Goren pulled on his winter coat and headed out into the biting cold of the New York City streets.

* * *

"You knew this would happen," Liz told her, busily drying dishes and putting them back into the cabinets.

Alex stopped the motion of the towel inside the glass and stared at the kitchen window for a moment. She wondered if Liz was right.

"I mean, since the day you met him, you've always made excuses for him. 'He's different, quirky, he's gone through a lot…' I can't believe you ever decided to date him in the first place."

Silently, Alex nodded. She finished wiping the glass and put it in the cabinet.

* * *

Alex was paired up with Logan for the week. Bobby had managed to send himself to Michigan on a consultation. On the one hand, she missed him. On the other, she knew it was best for both of them not to try to work together until they'd sorted some of this out.

"Eames, did you hear me?" Mike asked, coming three paces back down the hall for her.

"Sorry, Mike, I'm a little distracted."

"I noticed." He glanced around and decided they had enough privacy for the moment. Mike lowered his voice. "What the hell is wrong?"

Alex sighed. She knew Mike had good intentions, but she couldn't talk to him about Bobby. "Nothing. I'm sorry." They walked together down the hall.

* * *

Goren threw himself completely into the case, and by three days in, they knew who they were looking for. As the locals chased down the suspect, he found himself with more and more time on his hands. He was sitting in the hotel room now, looking out the picture windows at a very wet snowstorm. His thoughts were consumed with Alex.

He'd tried to accommodate her, but whatever he did, it wasn't enough. And the bottom line was, he didn't want to darken her world with his own. When Bobby's ghosts came to haunt him, he needed to escape, and Alex couldn't accept that. It wasn't that she wouldn't let him be alone, but she wanted to be able to have him available, at the tip of her fingers.

When it came down to it, she really didn't understand his darker side.

* * *

"Hey, Johnny," Alex answered her door. She stood strong, as always, but he read the sadness in her right away.

"Hey, sis." Johnny shed his coat and hung it over the back of a kitchen chair. "Look, Alex, Liz told me about Bobby."

She sighed.

"Honestly, I'm not too happy with her right now."

Alex glanced up. "Why?"

"The things she said to you. I mean, Alex, you've known him forever! There's nothing wrong with giving love a good chance."

She smiled then, a pain-filled, grateful smile, and accepted a hug from her brother. After a few minutes, she pulled away. "You want some dinner?" She asked.

"Sure," he said. As she threw a sandwich together for him, he asked, "How's work going?"

"Bobby's out of town," she said. "He went to Michigan for at least a week. It's easier this way."

"You wanna talk about what happened?"

She set the plate in front of her brother and sat down in a chair across from him. Alex shrugged. "He started to get… withdrawn. He went out one night and didn't come home. I called, but he didn't answer." Alex shook her head. "I mean, in a way, Liz is right. It's nothing new, nothing he's not done before."

"But you thought he would answer."

"I thought since… things were different between us, yes." She folded her hands in front of her. "He finally came home the next night, and I confronted him about it. We had a huge blowout. He said I was trying to change him." She sat in silence for a few minutes, and then pushed back the chair with a scrape. Alex grabbed the washcloth and started wiping down the sink. "I might put in for a transfer. There are several precincts closer to home…"

"Alex, no."

She scrubbed furiously as she spoke. "I can't work with him, Johnny. Not now. Nothing will ever be the same between us."

"You don't know that you can't work with him. It'll be awkward for a while, sure. Probably painful. But you may end up with something better than what you had before." Johnny stood up and walked over to his sister, turning her to face him. "You two know each other. You read each other so well. You've had each other's backs for years. That's not going to change because you had a romance. You still care about him, and he still cares about you. There's no reason to quit the partnership, not until you give it a chance."

Tears welled up in her eyes and she shook her head as she spoke. "That all sounds reasonable, Johnny, but… I don't think I can do it!" She threw the wet rag into the sink with a slap and tried to bury her tears.

He pulled her into his arms again.

* * *

He'd changed his flight schedule so he wouldn't return until Sunday night. He didn't want to see her yet; to have to face her; to talk to her. Bobby felt like there was a gaping hole in the middle of his chest. It ached and burned and nagged at him constantly. He knew she was miserable, too, but he hoped somehow it wasn't as painful for her.

He knew seeing her would reopen the wound, and he didn't want to go through that.

Maybe with the snow, his flight would be delayed.

Maybe he wouldn't have to see her until later in the week.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Alex was at her desk, finishing paperwork from the case with Logan. Bobby walked in, saw her there, turned as if to leave again, then turned back. He walked all the way in, thunked his binder onto his desk, and sat in the chair long enough to make it quiver when he stood again. He marched off to the Captain's office without a word.

Eames watched him out of the corner of her eye. She felt like she'd stopped breathing. She wasn't sure from his behavior if he was still angry with her, or just didn't know what to do with himself. After several minutes with the Captain, he returned to his seat.

Bobby rubbed the back of his neck, scraped his fingernails over his short beard, and cleared his throat. "Hello," he finally grunted.

Her voice almost failed her. "Hi, Bobby." They both pretended to be absorbed by paperwork for a moment. "Uhm, how was Michigan?"

He glanced her way, then looked down and rubbed his left hand on the leather of his binder. "Uh, you know, good. We solved the case."

"Good, Bobby. That's good."

"You ready?" Logan interrupted, asking the question of Alex.

"Uh… yeah," she said. "Mike and I are heading out for lunch. Maybe we can pick up a new case this afternoon?" She said to Bobby.

Again, Bobby tried his damnedest not to make eye contact. "Yeah. Sure. Have a good lunch."

After she walked away, he spent several minutes opening and closing desk drawers, when all he really wanted to do was break them. He wanted to feel the wood splinter against his skin. Finally, Goren shoved his chair away from the desk and got to his feet. He marched off to the elevators, berating himself. He'd gotten what he wanted, hadn't he? The breakup, the late flight back, the chance not to talk to her much.

It sucked that it all hurt so much.

* * *

"Look, Alex, I know you don't really want to talk about it, but… it's Goren, isn't it? Something happened between you two?" Mike asked.

Alex sighed. Again, she knew Mike was only trying to be a friend. Silently, she nodded.

"You gonna… be able to fix it?" Mike asked. He wondered how Goren and Eames would ever be able to work without each other.

She let go a long, ragged sigh. "Depends on what you think can be fixed." She brushed away a tear that snuck out of one eye, cleared her throat, and picked at her salad.

"Sorry," Mike said. He really hated to see women cry. "It was… it was, a… a break up?"

She closed her eyes, sighed, and nodded.

Mike shook his head. How could Goren be so stupid?! He stayed quiet for a long time, until she seemed herself again. "Look, uh, if you want to forget about things for a while, we could hit a movie or something sometime."

"Logan, are you asking me out?"

"No, nothing like _that_," he said. "Just pals, you know."

She managed a real smile. "Thanks."

* * *

Goren was unusually silent as the Captain briefed them on the new case. Ross looked between the two of them. They stood at opposite sides of his office, Eames with her arms folded most of the time. Eames never even looked Goren's way. He wrapped up his briefing and as they started out to their desks, he called out, "Eames."

She came back in.

"You and Goren all right?"

She glanced out at their desks; saw him lean against his, looking back towards the office. "We'll be fine, sir."

"You'd better be."

"Yes sir."

* * *

As the day progressed, Bobby was folding in on himself. Alex, of course, seemed to be able to work with him just the same as always. She was tough that way.

He, on the other hand, was all or nothing. He either thought entirely and completely about the work, or her. There was no middle ground. When he worked the case, he rattled off important information like some kind of automaton. When he thought of Alex, he was silent as a stone.

At the end of the day, he met with the Captain alone. When he walked out, he'd been granted the opportunity to burn all of his vacation time.

* * *

"Eames, I need to see you," Captain Ross said as he walked past her desk. She got up and followed him. "Close the door behind you," he said. Again, she did as he asked. Ross waited until she sat down, then he sat down as well. "I had a long talk with your partner last night," he began.

Alex's cheeks burned. Just what did Bobby tell him? They had agreed not to tell anyone, except her family, and his friend Lewis.

"Goren's taken a leave of absence," he told her. "He asked me to convey the message to you. He's dealing with some very personal issues and he needed to take some time to work things out."

_He's running away._ "How long?" She asked.

"Two and a half weeks, maybe more if he needs it."

Now her cheeks colored with anger. He was deserting her. He couldn't face things head on and so he was going to pull his disappearing act. _Damn it, Bobby!_

She stood up too fast, and swayed a little. Ross jumped from his seat and steadied her, asking if she was all right. She sank back into the chair, and he hurried out, asking someone to bring a cup of water.

Alex felt sick. She held her head in her hands and tried to pull herself together.

Captain Ross gave her the cup of water, and his voice was gentle. "Maybe you need a couple of days off, yourself," he said.

She nodded. After drinking the water, she felt better. "I think I'm going to go home, Captain," she said.

"You want me to walk you out?" he asked.

"No. I'll be fine."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Alex was sick all afternoon. She buried herself in the covers and tried to sleep, but her stomach wouldn't settle down. The dizziness returned, as well. She managed to make it to the kitchen and found something tolerable to eat. Then she sipped a large glass of water until she had her equilibrium back.

It looked like life was going to go on, with or without Bobby. And as always, Alex Eames was going to be strong and take care of herself.

* * *

Almost two weeks had passed without a single phone call from the City. He wouldn't have known the first three days anyway: he'd turned off the phone entirely.

As he became accustomed to the idea of being Bobby Goren: Loner, again, he was ready to join the world again. He turned the phone back on, and was greeted with unbearable silence.

By the time she started calling him again, he'd convinced himself she was the devil. She couldn't possibly have ever cared about him, not really, if she was willing to remain silent for so long.

The only reason she'd call now would be to berate him and get the anger out of her system. The only reason now would be to drive him completely out of her life.

He responded with anger, and stubbornly refused to answer her calls.

On the fifteenth day, a new name appeared on his screen: Lewis.

"Yeah," Bobby answered.

"Bobby, what the hell? Did you drop off the face of the Earth or something?!"

"No, just, you know, I needed to clear my head."

"Alex has been trying to call you."

Goren's lips stiffened. _She tricked Lewis into calling for her._

"Bobby, she needs to see you. She's been to a doctor, and-"

All of the resolutions of the last day and a half withered to nothing. His heart dropped completely out of his chest. "What's wrong?!" he demanded.

"She just really needs to talk. To _you, _Bobby."

"I'll call her."

"No. Look, I'm going to be at the shop all night. Go to my place. I'll have her meet you over there. Neutral ground, you know?"

"Lewis," Bobby said, his voice demanding, "Is she all right?"

"I don't know how to answer that, Bobby."

Now he was worried sick. "Tell her I'll be there at 7."

"I'll tell her. Bobby… don't blow this."

As he heard the phone go dead, he thought about what Lewis said. Lewis never got involved in Bobby's relationships, never sided one way or the other. He was Switzerland, and was still friends with several girls from Bobby's past. This was different. Lewis, his steadfast friend, was allied with Alex.

Bobby got into the shower, rethinking everything that had gone wrong with his relationship with Alex.

* * *

The Mustang was like an icebox. The heater wasn't working properly, and if he left it on too long, it filled the car with noxious fumes, which then required him to open the window, sucking all the heat out of the car. His teeth were chattering by the time he arrived. He locked up the car and hurried to the door, holding his hands under his arms to keep them warm. He punched in his best friend's code and opened the front door.

Lewis' place was on the messy side, so Bobby busied himself tidying up as he wondered what Alex had seen a doctor for.

He'd come to a decision earlier in the shower. He'd been wrong. He'd been wrong to make himself unavailable to her, and he'd been wrong to think he could be in a relationship without changing.

He'd been wrong to enter into a romantic relationship with her in the first place. From here on out, Bobby Goren would never, ever attempt anything long-term with a woman.

He heard the door click and he knew she had arrived. He stood up straight, took her coat from her as she slipped out of it. "Uhm, hi," he said.

"Hi, Bobby," she breathed.

He thought about offering her his hand, but instead he jammed them into his pockets. He jerked his head in the direction of the living room.

She rubbed her hands on her arms as she walked past him and sat down in the chair. "It's cold out there."

"Yeah, it is," he agreed. He couldn't see anything wrong with her. She didn't seem sick. Bobby sat down on the couch. His knee almost touched hers. "Lewis said… you saw a Doctor?"

Alex nodded. Her face was grim. "Bobby…" Tears welled in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. "I'm pregnant."

His expression moved from concern to alarm to fear and finally, to anger. "Are you… are you sure?" he asked.

She just stared at him, an accusation. _You really think I would use a line like this just to talk to you?!_

Bobby, too, was seething. "How could this happen?! You were on the pill!"

Alex lowered her head, closed her eyes, and sighed. "You remember the Brecchio case?"

His brow furrowed. That case had been three solid weeks of sleepless nights for both of them. They'd had so little leisure time together that nearly every minute of it had been spent making love.

"I was exhausted. I… I forgot a few of them." She jumped when she heard his angry curse. He was on his feet now, pacing away from her. He stopped suddenly, rubbing his eyes hard with his fingertips. Bobby turned back. "So you're… eight weeks?"

"I'm not having an abortion." Alex said it as if she'd already thought it through, but the truth was, she hadn't.

His jaw dropped, but he said nothing. He stared at her until she jumped to her feet and ran to the bathroom. He listened to her heaving and grasped his head between his hands.

This didn't fit in with his plans. He could never be a loner, now. With that one sentence, she'd changed his future. Bobby paced vigorously. He heard her gasp and sputter when she was finally finished. He heard the water running. He was spiraling through his emotions so fast he couldn't begin to know what to do with them all.

He still loved her, but their attempt at romance had ended in disaster. More time together certainly wouldn't fix the fact that he couldn't stick with anyone. He couldn't share himself completely, and he couldn't promise to be there for anyone. They had no chance together. Cohabitating had failed; coparenting was bound to.

"Bobby?" Her voice was weak behind him.

He turned slowly and looked her in the eyes. She stood by the couch, a full six feet away from him, but he felt her presence as if she were inches away.

"Maybe," she began, "Maybe we could be together." He threw her a warning. "Not now," she said quickly. "I know you're angry. I know you still want to be alone. I know you don't want a baby."

"I never said that," he protested.

She frowned at him. "I know you didn't _say_ it," she said, "but you were thinking it."

"I was just considering the options." He stared at her until she nodded, finally.

"Maybe, if we give it some time… give each other some space…"

His anger flared again. "I was giving you space. I was giving both of us space!"

She nodded, uneasy. "I couldn't get hold of you on the phone. I thought… I thought you'd want to know."

Bobby pressed his hands over his face. "Look, I… I have to… to think." His hands dropped to his sides and he stared at his shoes.

Again, she nodded. She'd expected as much. "Just, Bobby?"

He raised his eyes from his shoes and the softness in her expression sent a pang through his heart.

"Answer if I call. Please?"

She needed him. All at once, it struck him. She hadn't tried to tie him down, to control him, like he'd been thinking these last few weeks. She had simply and truly needed him. And now, pregnant, even without the uncertainty of their damaged relationship, she was probably scared. And in the midst of all the turmoil, in spite of it, she needed him.

He nodded, a shaky, convulsive gesture, and he looked away. "I'll get your coat," he said. He retrieved the long wool coat and held it for her while she slipped her arms in. He hadn't been this close to her in weeks. She was carrying his child. Bobby felt himself trembling. "Y-you want… I should walk you out?"

"I'll be okay, Bobby."

He wanted to grab her and hold her, but instead, they managed an awkward kind of sideways hug and he held open the apartment door as she headed for the elevator.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Alex made it home in one piece, but her stomach lurched as soon as she was in the door. After she cleaned up, she forced herself to eat something and then cried herself to sleep.

She didn't hear him come in the door three hours later.

Bobby saw her curled up in bed asleep, and he fought back the urge to climb in beside her. She was right. They needed time to sort this out.

Instead, he walked to the kitchen and sat down in front of her spent dinner plate, wondering if she'd eaten enough, and if it was healthy enough.

Bobby thought about his baby. He sighed and rested his chin on his hand. Once, she'd asked him what his stance was on abortion. He'd smartly quipped back, "I'll tell you what I think when I'm pregnant." She'd pressed him, and he'd finally said that people need options.

Now Bobby pondered his words. Now he was pregnant. Now he was considering the options, and he was surprised by what he felt. He was glad she didn't want to abort the pregnancy. Bobby Goren wanted to see his child.

He searched the drawers and came up with a piece of paper. He scrambled for a pen and finally sat down to scrawl her a note.

_Dear Alex,_

_ As I sit here writing, you are asleep in the bedroom, and our child is growing within you. I heard what you said about time and space and I know you are right. And yet I find myself here, in your quiet kitchen, my home too for these last several months._

_ I am drawn to you, Alex. Even with the storm clouds overhead, with the winds of change driving me completely off course, forcing us from each other, I find myself looking frantically for you in the turbulence._

_ I don't know what the future, our future, holds. I don't know if I can change. _

_I do know that I love you._

_I know that I hate to see you suffering._

_I know I'm the cause of much of that suffering._

_I'm sorry for that, Alex. For all of it._

_ I'll give it some time._

_ Love,_

…_to you and our baby…_

_Bobby_

He cleaned up her dirty dishes and left the note on the clean table for her to find in the morning. Bobby peeked in on her one more time, then turned and left, locking her in for the night.

* * *

She went to work late, but she made it in. Logan was quick to stop by her desk. "Everything okay?" He asked.

Alex gave him a half smile and shrugged. "More or less."

"You thought about the movies yet?"

"I'll let you know at closing time," she promised.

* * *

"How did it go?" Lewis asked, wiping his hands on a rag and waving Bobby into his office.

Bobby was restless, and Lewis knew that wasn't a good sign. He also looked like he hadn't slept.

"Did you know?" Bobby demanded.

"Did I know what?"

"She's pregnant, Lewis."

Lewis stared at him. He wasn't sure if he should congratulate Bobby or console him. "I didn't know, man." Lewis motioned to a chair and poured them both a styrofoam cup filled with coffee.

Bobby sat on an old, wheeled office chair. He noticed the black slicks on the front of the arms. Lewis' chair looked the same. Even the computer keyboard was stained with grease.

"What are you going to do?" Lewis asked, interrupting the mental inspection of his office.

"She wants to keep it. I want to keep it."

"Th-that's good, right? At least you agree."

"She wants to get back together."

Lewis said nothing, only waited. Bobby struggled, looking for words, but then just shook his head in some kind of angry and sad outburst.

"You don't think you can do it," Lewis said for him.

Bobby reluctantly nodded. "I've already screwed things up. Even you said so."

Lewis didn't disagree. He drank from his coffee cup, thinking again how he would change if he had the chance for a life with Alex Eames. "We're getting old, Bobby," he finally said.

"I'm set in my ways," was Bobby's excuse.

"Do you remember when we had to get the new upholstery for the mustang?"

"What?" Bobby was thrown by the change of topic.

"You didn't want to lose the white."

"Yeah, so?"

"It looks better black, don't you think?"

"Lewis, what does this have to do with anything?!"

"Doesn't it?"

"Y-yeah."

"Change is always hard for you, Bobby. But it's not always a disaster."

Bobby pursed his lips and mused on this a while. "The heater's on the fritz," he finally said.

"Bring her in, we'll work on her together."

"Yeah. Maybe soon."

* * *

Closing time came around, and Alex had actually made it through the afternoon without any morning sickness. Logan came by again. "Mike," she said. "I think I'll take you up on that movie."

He smiled, and they walked out of 1PP together.

* * *

She tried to concentrate on the movie, but it turned into a love story, and she couldn't help but notice the parallels to her own life. His note had been at the back of her mind all day. She wasn't surprised that he loved her, she'd always known he did. She wasn't surprised that he thought his dark moods were like a virus that would spread to anyone he had contact with. This was nothing new. She was surprised that he wanted the baby.

She'd told him she was keeping it, and she honestly didn't know where that came from. Now that she was thinking about things, she wasn't so sure. Alex had always wanted children, but ultimately, her career was more important. Had that changed since she met Bobby?

Maybe. At least she'd noticed she wasn't on a fast track to a Captain's chair anymore.

She was getting older, too. The doctor had warned her of the risks. She'd already failed the first test, some kind of protein that was high and might indicate the baby would have Downs Syndrome.

Might.

She thought maybe she could give the baby up for adoption, but reading Bobby's note made her rethink that. Besides, it had been so hard to give Nate to her sister. Alex wasn't sure she could carry a baby to term and hand it to someone else again.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt Mike's hand on hers. "You know, we don't have to stay," he whispered. "If this story is too—"

She looked over at him and gave his hand a squeeze. "It's okay." She let him go and Logan respectfully retracted his hand, putting it back in his lap.

Her thoughts continued, but she was feeling sick as she left the theater. He waited for her, concerned.

"I'm okay," she said when she returned.

"You're still sick?"

She sighed. "Not sick, exactly. Pregnant. But Logan, don't tell anyone. I'm just… having a hard time right now, that's all."

"It's Bobby's?"

She stared, and he knew the answer to the question.

"Your secret's safe with me. And Alex, if you need anything, you call me." He helped her bundle up and escorted her to her car.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Some of you may be disturbed by the discussion of abortion in this story. The subject was addressed in the show, and I am trying to stick with what appeared to be Bobby & Alex's stance on it, but give it my own twist. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

* * *

Chapter 5

Logan was looking out for her, even more now that he knew her secret. He stopped by her desk a lot, and he took her to lunch. He kept her mind occupied with funny stories and listened to her whine about giving up caffeine.

Tuesday night, Logan took her to the movies again, and then took her home.

Once he was gone, Alex looked around the apartment. She'd managed to straighten up some, but she couldn't go through his things. It seemed like he should be the one to do that.

But she hadn't heard from him again for two days, not since the note. She could call, but she was afraid he wouldn't answer. And if he didn't, she didn't think they had a chance in hell of making anything work. Alex didn't want to test him. She didn't think she could handle it if he failed.

By her reckoning, he should be back at work tomorrow. He'd have to talk to her then. Unless, of course, he got sent away again. A consultation, an undercover assignment. If Bobby wanted to vanish, he would.

Alex tried to imagine her life as a single mother. She'd have to find a nanny. The crazy hours of a detective just couldn't be accommodated by a daycare program. She'd have to get someone close, who could be on-call. Or hire a live-in.

She rubbed her temples. That would be a new layer of stress, inviting a stranger into her home based on letters of recommendation and a good resume.

Other people did it, and it worked out fine.

Her mind was spinning with thoughts, and she finally grabbed a piece of paper and started to write them all down.

* * *

Bobby was already at his desk when she came in. She paused at the entrance to the squad room, and took the envelope out of her purse. Alex marched to her desk and tossed the envelope on his.

He looked up, into her fiery eyes.

"No fair having a one-way conversation," she said. She gestured to the note she'd written him. "Read it when you can." Then she settled in for the day.

Bobby turned the envelope over in his hands several times. He leaned toward the front of his desk and asked quietly, "Can't we talk?"

She pointed her pen at the clock on the wall. "Business is business," she announced. "We're on the clock, now."

He raked his fingers through his hair angrily. Bobby picked up the envelope and stuffed it into his pocket. Before he had a chance to say anything more, Logan brought her a cup from the coffee stand. The tag of a tea bag trickled out the side of it.

"Thanks," she said, smiling up at him. Mike smiled back, and then grunted a greeting in Bobby's direction.

Goren wanted to ask her what the drink was, if it was safe for the baby, but he knew this mood she was in. He knew any such comment would open up a firestorm. Instead, he smoothed his hair back into place and twirled his pencil in his fingers. "Okay, so, what are we working on?"

She was hurt that he hadn't even bothered with her letter yet. Alex buried her feelings deep and handed him a stack of files from her desk. All business, she briefed him on each one.

She managed to keep up her tough, professional demeanor until he left for lunch. Then she hurried to the restroom so she could cry in pirvate.

Mike Logan saw her scurry down the hall. He walked down the hall and paced, waiting for her to come out.

* * *

Bobby sat in the corner deli, in front of his untouched plate, and turned the letter over in his hand. He knew she was putting on a front today; he knew that wasn't the real Alex. In his hand were the thoughts and feelings of the woman he loved, and he was terrified to read it.

He wondered for a moment if that's how she'd felt when she found his letter to her.

At last, he ripped it open and unfolded it.

_Dear Bobby,_

_ You spoke of how you were drawn to me, and yet here I sit, alone again. I don't know what you want, Bobby. One minute you're here, and I think we have a chance, and the next you're gone._

_ You said you hate to see me suffering, and that you're the cause. You're not the only one, Bobby. I've done my part to drive you away, I know._

_ The funny thing is, it's not what I want. I want to be with you, to make this work. Only I don't know how. You have your demons, Bobby, but I have mine, too. Sometimes when you get too close, I push you away. And then I blame you for leaving me._

_ I thought some more about this pregnancy. I know I said I wouldn't abort, but…_

_ Maybe it's not fair to bring a third person, an innocent soul, into our dysfunctional mess._

Bobby stopped reading and clamped his hand over his mouth. After a few deep breaths, he turned his gaze back to the paper.

_You said you love me, Bobby, and I believe you. For what it's worth, I love you too. I'm just not sure it's enough. We're both so stubborn, and so… I guess…selfish. _

_ I'm sorry I've hurt you, Bobby. And I'm sorry I got us into this mess._

_ If you want to leave, I'll let you go._

_ Love,_

_ Alex_

He sat like a statue, a full two minutes. Abruptly, he pulled out his phone and called her. The first time, he got her voice mail and hung up. The second time, she answered.

"Eames."

"Will you talk, now?" He demanded.

Her tone was hard when she replied. "I'm at the squad."

"It's lunch, isn't it? We're off the clock, so to speak."

"Bobby, I—"

"I read your damn letter. We have a lot to talk about, Alex."

Her voice caught midsentence. "I can't do this, Bobby, not at work."

"Then meet me somewhere. The Deli, the Cafeteria, The Coffee Shop, anywhere." She was silent a long time, unable to speak without losing the slim control she had on her tears. "Alex?" There was urgency in his voice, now.

"Where are you?" She managed.

"The Deli on the corner."

"Okay."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

He helped her out of her coat and tossed it over the chair, with his. "Did you eat?" he asked.

She nodded. She had eaten, but only a little. Then someone had used the microwave in the break room to reheat their leftover fish dinner, and she'd run for the bathroom.

He sat down with her, and she was surprised to see, instead of anger, worry. "You don't look so good," he noted.

"Thanks. Can we get on with this?" she snapped.

He frowned, then, and sat back, wondering how and where to start. "I don't want you to abort," he said. "Please. Don't."

Her face was contorted with pain. "You don't know all the details."

_What the hell did that mean?! _"Then fill me in," he commanded.

"The baby… could have Downs Syndrome."

He tapped his fingertips against the edge of the table and thought about that. "Because of your age?" he asked.

She nodded. "And there was..a test."

"It's certain, then?" he asked, sounding slightly panicked.

"No, it's not certain. It's just… an indicator, they told me."

"So maybe not?"

Alex shrugged.

"But they have a way to find out for sure, right?"

"Amnio. But they don't do that until 15 weeks. That's too late for an abortion."

"I don't want you to abort."

"You said that." She glared at him. "Are you prepared to raise a child with special needs, Bobby? I'm not sure we'd make the best parents for any child, much less one with special needs."

He sighed and clamped his hand over his mouth. "You're right, I'm not prepared… for any of it."

Suddenly, she was afraid he'd tell her to abort, and she really didn't think she could do it.

He reached down and picked up her hands in his. "Your hands are… like ice," he said, enveloping them with his own and warming them. "Alex… this child was… was conceived in love. It doesn't matter to me if it's not perfect. God knows I'm not."

Silent tears dripped from the tip of her nose. She nodded.

"Lewis says I'm afraid of change," Bobby continued. "Alex, I… I want this." He squeezed her hands in his. "I want you. And I'll… I'll try my best to be here for you. I just… I… don't know if my best will be enough."

She broke down, and he moved to her side of the table and scooped her into his arms. Bobby held her as she cried, closing his eyes and kissing her hair. He was on the verge of crying, too, but he kept it bottled up.

* * *

When they returned to 1PP, Bobby had his hand on the small of her back. Logan, and half a dozen other people, noticed the change in them immediately. Bobby helped her out of her coat and she sat down and got right to work.

An hour later, Bobby had noticed they were being watched. "You've got something brewing with Logan?" he asked her quietly.

"Mike?" she said, looking up. "He's been… keeping my mind off things."

Bobby wasn't quite sure how to take this. He wrestled with his jealousy for a moment. "You, uh… you gonna tell him to back off?"

"What?" Alex blinked. "Bobby, it's nothing like that."

"Still…"

"I think he'll figure it out," she said, and went back to typing on her computer.

Bobby decided to take a break. He marched out of the squad room and down the hall. Alex was relieved he hadn't stopped by Mike's desk.

Logan saw his chance. "You okay?"

"Yeah. We're… working things out."

"Good. That's good," he said. "Alex, you know… I'm always here if you need me."

She smiled. "Thanks, Mike. For everything."

He simply nodded, and as he began to walk back to his desk, Goren was on his way back. They stared each other down, like two bulls squaring off. Bobby sat down at his desk, opening the bottom button of his suit coat as he did so. "Did you tell him?"

"More or less."

"More or less."

"Yeah, Bobby, don't worry about it."

He did worry about it. He'd been virtually out of the picture for three weeks. Anything could have happened between them. Still, he trusted Alex. She wouldn't lie to him. He tried to shove his feelings aside. "I… uh, I have to go to the shop tonight. Lewis was working on the mustang, he told me to come pick it up."

"Okay."

"So I'll be home late."

"Okay."

"I am coming home, right?"

She stared at him. "Of course."

"Oh. Good."

"Good."

* * *

Bobby helped Lewis put the finishing touches on the car. As they closed the hood, he announced, "We're back together. We're uhm… gonna try to…"

"I'm glad, Bobby. Really, I am."

Bobby huffed a laugh as he spoke, "I'm gonna be a father, Lewis. Do you believe that?!"

One side of his friend's mouth curled up. "Congratulations, Bobby. You'll make a hell of a Dad."

"I uh… I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

"Nobody ever does. But at least you know what NOT to do."

"Your Dad, he was great."

"Yeah. He was a great Dad."

"Maybe I can try to be like him."

"Just be yourself, Bobby. Your kid will love you."

"Kids love everybody." _Whether they deserve it or not._

Lewis clapped his hand on his friend's shoulder. "You worry too much. Just try to enjoy it, would ya?" He gave Bobby a hug. "Look, call me when you get home, tell me how she did. And give Alex my best."

"Sure. Thanks, Lewis." He climbed in and gave the engine a rev just because he knew it would make Lewis smile.

* * *

He shook off the cold and stood breathing in the comforting scent of home. The living area was mostly dark. She'd left a couple of lights on for him. She was always thoughtful that way.

Bobby hung his coat in the closet. He found hers draped over a chair and hung it up, too. After a quick drink in the kitchen, where he easily determined what she'd had for dinner, he clicked off the light and headed down the hall to the bedroom.

She'd left a light on for him there, too. How she could sleep with a light on, he'd never know. He always had to pull the covers over his head or something. He stripped down to his shorts, made a quick trip to the bathroom, and found himself standing by the bed, staring down at her.

He was overwhelmed by his love for her. He climbed into bed slowly, trying not to disturb her sleep, but he couldn't keep from touching her. He scooted in close and draped his arm over her, finding her hand with his fingers.

"Car okay?" she asked.

"Mmm Hmmm." He answered, and realized he'd forgotten to call Lewis. She sighed against him and he caressed her hand. Lewis could wait.

She settled back into sleep quickly, and Bobby remembered reading about the first trimester and weariness. Gently, he slid his hand up to rest on her belly. He didn't know if they had a chance, the three of them, but he was damned sure going to try.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

His feelings for her were so intense, he couldn't speak when they made love. All of his emotions came out in some kind of physical expression. He kissed and caressed every inch of her. They lay intertwined for some time, quietly breathing as their heartbeats slowed.

This was how things should be. This was how they were before, when romance was new. This was how they created a life.

"I love you, Bobby," Alex finally said. _Please stay with me._

"I love you, too." _I'm sorry for everything I've ever done._

"Bobby, I'm glad… I'm glad you're home."

He replied by kissing her deeply, caressing her slowly until his hand stopped over her womb. She placed her hand over his and stared into his eyes until they kissed again.

* * *

"How you doin'?" Logan asked, leaning on his palm on her desk.

"Good, Mike. Really good. Thanks." Alex gave him a smile and he realized he hadn't seen her this happy in a long time.

He smiled back. "I'm glad, Alex. You… you be careful, though."

"I'll be fine, Mike."

Logan headed to his own side of the squad room just as Bobby returned from the bathroom. "What'd he have to say?" he asked, a little sharp in his tone.

Alex gave him a gentle, weary smile. "He was just checking on me."

Instead of replying, Bobby took two long steps in Logan's direction.

"Bobby…" Alex said with a frown.

He turned back, kept his voice soft to reassure her. "I'm not going to cause any trouble. I'm just going to talk to him."

Alex closed her mouth and watched him walk away. His words said one thing, but his stride told another story. She closed her eyes with a sigh and spun her chair back around so she couldn't watch.

"Hey, Logan."

"Goren."

"You know, Eames… she and I—"

"I know."

Bobby's head jerked in surprise. "Oh. You do?"

"I know you knocked her up and then put her through the wringer. I'm just keeping an eye on her. Somebody has to." Logan's voice was a low growl.

Bobby's face screwed up in anger. The more he spoke, the higher his voice rose in pitch. "Look here, she doesn't need you or anybody else looking after her. And for the record, you don't know anything, you son of a bitch!"

Mike would have taken it further, but he could see her from where he was standing. He stared at Alex's back and kept his mouth shut. He'd said his piece, anyway.

Bobby was still angry, but he maintained control of his temper. "You just… keep your distance."

Logan just folded his arms and glared at Bobby, who walked backwards, maintaining eye contact until he was a good stretch away. Then he spun around and returned to his seat at his desk.

Alex was unhappy. She sat, quietly smoldering in her chair.

Bobby tried to ignore it for as long as he could, but her disapproval got under his skin. All of a sudden, he got to his feet. He hovered a moment, and then was gone, down the hall to an interview room, with his binder in his hand.

Alex rolled her eyes and threw her head back. _Here we go again._

* * *

The conversation happened in the car on the way home. "I'm sorry I upset you," he said.

She checked her rearview and side mirrors and then spared him a glance. "Bobby, these constant apologies are meaningless."

"You'd rather I not?" He didn't miss the look of exasperation in her glance. "But I _am_ sorry, Alex. I never want to upset you, or hurt you, but no matter what… I always do."

"Bobby, I asked you not to."

"No—"

"Bobby!"

He was quiet, and his cheeks burned.

"I told you Logan was just looking out for me."

"You told Logan you were pregnant."

She jerked the car back into the lane, and her moment's inattention scared them both. They were quiet a moment.

"I didn't tell him who—"

"Who else could it be, Eames? Besides me and Mike," he sputtered as he said the man's last name, "Lo-ogan, who would have fathered your child?"

"Oh, Jesus," she said in frustration. "I've had enough of this today, Bobby."

Again, silence prevailed. As she eased the car into its parking spot, he said, "Did you tell anyone else?"

"No."

"I told Lewis."

"Oh. Okay."

"You didn't tell your sister?"

"Not yet. I haven't spoken to her since… since… we had words." She killed the engine. Alex covered her mouth as she yawned.

Bobby climbed out of the car quickly and walked around to open her door. He steadied her as she got out, keeping her from slipping on the icy driveway. For a few minutes, the anger was forgotten.

He helped her with her coat, and he made hot water for chamomile tea. She changed out of her work clothes while the tea was steeping, and he wondered what the argument with Liz had been about. He couldn't help but think it had been about him.

"Thank you, Bobby," she said, as she took a sip from the cup.

He saw the weariness in her face. He wanted to apologize again. He gave her a shy smile, then headed down the hall to change his own clothes. Once out of her sight, he let the frustration seep through.

Why did he always do this? No matter what, he always thought he was doing the right thing, protecting her somehow, and it always, always turned into a quagmire.

What was so wrong about confronting Logan, anyway? Any guy would do the same!

But it had been wrong, because it had upset her. And now he had the added guilt of a rift between her and her sister…

Bobby scrubbed his face with his hands. Instead of stripping down to his shorts, he changed into jeans, a holy t-shirt, and an old hoody. Then he went out to break the news.

"I-I'm pretty wound up," he said. "I'm gonna go out, get a drink or something."

She blinked twice and then stared. He didn't miss that she was biting her lip.

"I'll be back, Alex, I promise. Can I get you anything before I go? Are you hungry or anything?"

"Just go, Bobby."

He knew as soon as the words escaped her lips that he'd screwed up again. But she'd given him permission to go, and that exonerated him. So he kissed her cheek and bundled up in his winter coat and hat and headed out the door.

Alex leaned her forehead against the fingers of one hand and stared at the framed print hanging on the wall.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Bobby, what the hell?" Lewis climbed onto the empty barstool beside him.

"Did she call you?!" Bobby asked in a flash of anger.

Lewis was surprised. "Who, Alex? No, man. I saw the 'stang out on the street. I thought you said you two were working it out!"

"We are," Bobby said, and sipped from the glass of water in front of him.

Lewis shucked off his coat. "Is she here somewhere?" He asked, looking around.

"She's pregnant, Lewis. She's not drinking."

"Then what the hell, Bobby?"

A silence settled over the big man. He rested his chin in both of his hands. "This is never going to work," was all he said.

The bartender walked by and pointed a finger at Lewis, but he waved him away. He folded his arms and waited for his friend to continue.

"D'you know… while I was gone, she's been seeing Logan?"

"Who's Logan?" Lewis asked.

"Another guy in the squad." Bobby said, waving one hand in the air. He pulled back and stretched. "All I did was tell him we were together and to back off."

"And she didn't like that."

"What the hell is wrong with that, Lewis? You'd do something like that, wouldn't you?"

"Bobby, I don't know what the hell I'd do. Now tell me what the hell you're doing here."

He spoke through a gritty smile. "I sat here until I got drunk, and now I'm staying until I sober up."

"No you're not. Pay your tab, Bobby. I'll drive you home." Lewis got up. He waited for Bobby to accept the idea, and then he waited for him to square up with the bartender. Then he waited while he visited the john.

Finally, the two men were outside in an icy wind. "Give me your keys, I'll drive the mustang."

"What about your car?" Bobby asked, shivering.

"I'll come back for it."

* * *

Alex had finally ended up watching television to get her mind off of things. She fell asleep on the couch and slept there until ten minutes ago, when her morning sickness kicked in again.

Now she was climbing into bed, and the thoughts were reeling again. Maybe she could live like this. She knew he wasn't out cheating on her or anything. He was just… Bobby. He was too wrapped up in his own head. And it wasn't fair to be angry, she'd told him to go. If she'd told him to stay, he probably would have.

She hated to think what the evening would have been like if she told him to stay.

Voices were at the door and the scraping sound of someone who couldn't get the key quite right. _He must be drunk,_ she thought. She didn't want to talk to him drunk. Alex burrowed into the covers and pretended to be asleep.

The door opened and the winter wind blew the two men inside. Bobby accepted his keys back from Lewis, who'd finally taken them from his hand and gotten the door unlocked before they both froze to death. He slapped them on the counter along with his wallet and change and then he tossed his winter gear over the nearest chair.

"Look, stay here tonight, Lewis. It's too cold out there."

He was tempted, but he thought the addition of an unexpected houseguest couldn't make things better between Bobby & Alex. He shook his head. "I'll just warm up a minute, and then I'll go. I have to get my car, anyway."

Bobby clapped his shoulder and spoke through sleepy eyes. "Thanks. Thanks for the ride, Lewis."

"Bobby," he called, gaining his friend's ear one more time. He was on the verge of giving him advice, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He and Bobby never told each other what to do. It was why their friendship had survived all these years. They just accepted each other: whenever, wherever, whatever. "Never mind," Lewis said. "I'll see you around."

They gave each other the obligatory hug, and Lewis was out the door. Bobby walked down the hall and flopped into the bed beside her. He didn't even bother taking off his clothes. He was out like a light.

Alex lay in the darkness beside him, wide awake. She had heard Lewis' voice, and she was glad he'd brought him home. Finally, after a long time, she reminded herself that tomorrow was a new day and gave herself over to sleep.

* * *

The morning brought a quiet awkwardness. They got ready for work, only speaking enough to get things done: "hand me a towel"; "can you reach my mug?"; "where's the butter?"

Alex, determined to keep her focus on the new day, resolved not to mention anything about last night. She sipped her tea quietly in between spoonfuls of oatmeal.

Bobby tried to eat his breakfast, but her silence hit him harder than her words could have. He finally tossed down his spoon with a clatter. "I'm s-sorry about last night," he said.

Alex fought not to roll her eyes. _Another apology._

"I went out for a drink, and then I had too many and I couldn't drive home like that…"

"I thought I heard Lewis," she said without thinking.

"He ended up bringing me home."

"You called him?"

"No, he just… found me. Dumb luck, I guess."

She tried to smile, and began to eat again.

"Uhm, how are you feeling?" Bobby asked.

"Okay. Tired. I got sick again last night, I'll be glad when that part's over."

"Uh, uh… sorry."

Alex couldn't bear to hear him apologize any more. She shoved her bowl away and got up. She walked back to the bathroom to check her makeup and hair.

Bobby sat at the kitchen table, feeling like he'd failed again.

* * *

Three days went by, and they finally were getting back into their groove again. Work was sailing by. Even Logan was staying out of their way. And at home, they'd managed a few laughs together.

Bobby finally felt comfortable again. "Alex," he said. "Have you talked to your family yet?"

"You mean Liz?"

He nodded. He knew how close the sisters were, and it bothered him that they weren't talking. He knew from his own experience how painful it was to be estranged from family.

"No, not yet."

He was silent.

"You want me to call her."

"She's going to find out sometime, about the baby. About us."

It was Alex's turn to be silent. Ever since she found out how Liz felt about Bobby, she didn't want to talk to her. Especially now that she and Bobby were back together. Especially now she knew she was pregnant.

Alex swallowed hard. He was right, though. She would find out soon enough. "I'll call her. Maybe if Johnny's there, too, it won't be so bad."

He smiled, gave her a wink, and threw his arm around her.

* * *

A/N I know, I know you're all not liking Bobby very much in this one. I wonder if he's ever going to *get* it?


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Alex asked Bobby not to be a part of her talk with her family. She knew her sister and even Johnny would have a hard time being honest with her if Bobby was sitting in the room. As anxious as she was about telling them, she did want to know what they truly thought.

So Bobby had decided to go to Major Case and do more research on the case they were working. Alex stayed home and made appetizers.

The doorbell rang and she checked the peephole. It was Johnny. Alex relaxed and let him in.

"Hey, sis!" he said, giving her a warm hug. "How's things?"

"Good, Johnny, good."

He followed her into the kitchen and started sampling her food. "I saw the mustang out there. You and Bobby back together?" he asked in between bites.

She didn't realize he didn't take his car. "Uh, yeah. That's part of what I wanted to tell you today."

"Part?"

She was saved by the sound of the doorbell. "Oh, that'll be Liz," she said, wiping her hands on a towel and jogging to the front door. Her sister stood on the porch with a tentative smile.

"Hi, Alex."

"Hi, Liz. Come on in." Once the door was closed, Alex gave her an uneasy hug.

Johnny hugged his oldest sister with as much enthusiasm as he'd shown Alex. They shared greetings, and everyone sat down at the kitchen table, with a plate and a drink in their reach.

"Alex was just telling me that she and Bobby are back together," Johnny said. He wanted her to tell him the rest. The suspense was killing him.

"Yeah, I noticed his car out there," Liz commented quietly. "How long?" She asked Alex, trying not to sound concerned.

"A week, maybe more," Alex said. She cleared her throat and shook her glass until the ice settled down into the water.

"You said that was only part of it," Johnny prodded. "What's the rest?"

"Well," Alex smiled, and a blush spread over her cheeks. "We're back together, partly because…" She cleared her throat again. "I'm uh… I'm," another cough as she cleared her throat once more, "I'm pregnant."

Johnny was exuberant. "That's great! Congratulations, Alex!" He jumped out of his seat and gave her a hug and a kiss. "That's fantastic!" he was still saying.

Liz, however, only smiled quietly. "Congratulations, Alex," was all she said.

Johnny was full of questions. He asked her everything from when she was due, to how she'd been feeling, to when she thought she'd work on the baby's room.

Liz was very quiet. She asked a few polite questions about the pregnancy, about the baby's health. Alex told her about the blood test, about her concerns that she couldn't raise a child with special needs.

"You can't abort. It's a mortal sin, Alex. Murder. You'll go straight to hell."

Alex held her breath a moment. They were all raised Catholic, but none of them ever really talked about it. "I'm not…" she began, and then decided to rephrase. "I didn't…" Finally, she changed tacks entirely. "Bobby wants to keep the baby."

Her sister sat back in shock. After a few minutes, she stammered, "I'm sorry, Alex, I just assumed that-"

"There's a reason I love him, Liz. He's not an ape."

"I never said he was!"

"You may as well have. Ever since I told you about the break up you've made it clear that you don't approve of him."

"Alex-!" Liz cried.

"Hey, you know what?" Johnny said. "Let's move past this, huh? We've got good news here. Alex is having a baby. That's cause for celebration!"

The girls dropped it, but an iciness hung in the air between them the rest of the afternoon.

* * *

Bobby saw the cars parked outside and folded his arms, watching his breath stream out into the frigid air. Maybe the fact that they were still there was a good thing. Maybe they'd worked things out.

He shifted from foot to foot, apprehensive about interrupting them. The addition of snowfall finally drove him toward the door. He entered as unobtrusively as possible, and smiled in greeting. Alex reached him just as he was hanging up his coat, and gave him a robust kiss, enough to distract him for a moment from the others in the room.

"Hi," she said quietly, smiling up at him.

"Hi," he repeated after her, with a twinkle. He finished with his coat, and Alex led him by the hand to the kitchen. Bobby shook Johnny's hand, and then Liz's. He could see right away things weren't as good as he'd hoped.

"Congratulations, Bobby. You and Alex will make terrific parents," Johnny said, always the cheerful one in the group.

"Well, uh, that's yet to be seen," Bobby replied modestly.

Alex asked him about work, and soon the others made excuses and put on their coats to head home. Once they were gone, Alex flopped wearily onto the couch.

Bobby stuck one hand in his pocket. "Not so well, hey?"

"Liz really has it out for you," Alex said.

Bobby shrugged, shifted his focus around the room. "It's okay. I understand. I'm not easy to like."

"You're not good enough for me."

Bobby gave her a genuine smile. "I've always known that."

She patted the cushion beside her. As he sat down, he drew her into a hug. His hands began massaging her shoulders. "You're tight," he said, and guided her to turn so he could massage her more easily.

Alex smiled and accommodated him, relaxing under the skill of his hands. "I could use one of these every night," she said.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"What's all this?" Alex asked him, gesturing to the mess of books surrounding him on the table.

"Oh? Uh, books on Down Syndrome. I thought I should, you know... Research..."

Alex's hand went to her abdomen, and her brow furrowed. "I don't think..."

She began, but she couldn't seem to manage to finish. He became very still, waiting to hear what she had to say.

She swallowed hard. "Bobby, we don't know that the baby will have Downs. Can't you just...?"

"You don't want me to read about it?"

Alex set her jaw. "No. I don't. I don't want to constantly be surrounded by...this." She waved her hands at the scattered books. "I want to be happy about our baby, not constantly think about what might be wrong."

"But Alex, if-"

"If we find out for sure, that's different," she announced.

Bobby closed the book he'd been reading and stacked the others. Then he picked up his old backpack off the floor and put them all inside. "Okay," he said. He fastened the pack shut and smiled at her. "Whatever you say, Alex."

She smiled in relief, and whispered, "Thanks."

* * *

"I'm sorry." Liz sat across from her sister, two water glasses the only thing between them. "Terry says I'm overly protective of you, and I'm not giving Bobby a chance. He says if Dad had been that way, he wouldn't have passed muster either."

Alex chuckled, remembering how awkward Liz's husband had been around the family when they'd first met him.

"Anyways, I'm sorry. It's true, Alex. I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"I'm a big girl, Liz. I can handle whatever gets thrown my way."

She didn't get to respond to that, because the waitress came and took their order. "Where were we?" Liz asked. "Oh, yeah. I'm worried about you. Speaking of, you look a little thin. Are you okay?"

Alex nodded. "I've had some morning sickness. I'm okay."

"You're seeing an OB?"

"Same one as when I was pregnant with Nate."

"Good. I like her."

"Yeah, she's great."

"And things with Bobby?"

Alex stiffened. She wasn't sure, given Liz's general attitude about Bobby, if she wanted to talk about him. "Better. We're both... Working on it."

"He's really… there for you?"

Alex almost let her temper flare, but the earnest look of concern in her sister's face cooled her back down. It was still very uncomfortable to try and share anything about her and Bobby, but Liz wasn't playing any games. She was only showing that she cared. "It's not perfect, but he's really trying, Liz. You know, I don't think either one of us knows how to be in a relationship. It's been a long time for both of us."

The waitress brought the food, and Liz looked down and smiled. "I don't think I would know how to be alone if I had to. You, Alex, you've done it all, and all on your own. I've always admired you for that. You make it seem so easy."

"Nothing about my life is easy, Liz."

"That's why I… you deserve to be happy, Alex. You deserve to be with a man who loves you and supports you and really is there for you."

"But you don't think Bobby is that man."

Alex was shooting from the hip, and her sister felt the sting of it. Liz sighed. "I don't know, Alex. I hope he is. I hope he… can be. I don't want you… or Bobby… to hate me. I just want my little sister to be happy and loved."

Alex wrinkled her forehead, and held back the first comments that came to mind. "Look, Liz. I appreciate that you're concerned. I know you're my big sister and you always will be… but you have to remember that there's a lot more that goes on between Bobby and me than you know about. A lot. A lot of love, a lot of conversation… and frankly, when you talk to me about him sometimes, I feel like you think I'm a 12 year old kid again. I'm not that naïve. If I thought this was a bad thing, I'd end it."

"Even with a baby on the way?"

"You don't think I could be a single parent?"

"Alex, I know you could. You've proven a thousand times how tough you are. I just don't think that's what, deep down, you really want. And sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking- " She scraped at her food with the tines of her fork. "If I've learned one thing in all these years of marriage, it's that you can't change people."

"People change all the time. You and Terry have both changed over the years."

"Yeah, but people change because they want to, not because someone else wants them to."

"Well, Bobby wants to be with me, and with the baby. And I want to be with him."

"Okay, okay… I guess you know how I feel. Alex, whatever happens, I don't want anything to come between us."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that… I should have called you." Alex swallowed a bite of her lunch. "I think this pregnancy has my emotions in high gear. In my head, I blew the whole thing out of proportion."

"I was out of line, too," Liz said. "And I'm sorry." She reached out her hand, and Alex gave it a squeeze before returning her attention to her lunch.

* * *

Bobby spent most of the morning emptying out the guest room. Alex told him to leave the full bed there. She thought a crib would fit beside it and they could sleep beside the baby if need be. He'd emptied the closet, shoved the bed against the wall, moved the dresser and nightstand, and still didn't think a crib would fit in the room. The items from the closet were scattered across the living room. He'd opened the boxes thinking he could purge them for her, but he came across too many items from Alex's past. There were keepsakes from her wedding to Joe, letters and mementos from former loves. Schoolwork, most likely from college. He had no idea what to do with any of it.

Now, as she was wrapping up lunch with her sister, he was feeling completely overwhelmed. He checked the time, and realized the apartment was a mess. He started replacing the items into the boxes from the closet, but before long the immensity of it all got to him. Bobby made sure there was a place for her to sit and a clear path through the apartment. He tried one more time to organize Alex's keepsakes, but upon seeing a picture of her with Joe, he dropped the items onto the couch again.

Bobby paced the length of the apartment three times before he put on his coat and hat and left.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Alex noticed his car was gone, but hid her disappointment. She waved to Liz and went inside, locking the door behind her. She stared at the jumbled mess in front of her.

"Bobby…" she sighed. Alex walked to the nearest box, sifted through a few things with her hand, and realized what had happened. She folded her arms and considered whether she should call him or not. At last, she dialed his number.

"Yeah?" He answered.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Silence. Then, "Uhm… how did it go with your sister?"

"Good, Bobby."

"Good."

Alex sat silently on her end of the line, but he offered no explanation. Finally, she asked, "Are you coming home anytime soon?"

"Yeah, I'll come home. I just… I had to get out of there for a while… you know, the walls were closing in on me," he said, with a half-hearted chuckle.

"Yeah. I guess so."

"I'll put it back… I just needed a break."

"Bobby, was there something in there that… something maybe from Joe? Are you okay?"

"Fine, Alex. It's nothing like that, really," and he hung up the phone with a promise to see her soon. He tossed the phone down against the passenger seat and stared at the bar, where he'd just parked. It was a different one than last time, one Lewis wasn't likely to drive past.

Bobby mopped his face with his left hand, already feeling like he'd dug himself into a hole he couldn't climb out of. At last, he snatched the phone back up, dropped it into his pocket, and got out of the car.

* * *

Alex gave him time. She did some housekeeping, then sat on the narrow patch he'd left for her on the couch and watched movie that was on tv. Then her eyes, and her hands drifted back to the box on the couch beside her. She started looking through it carefully, and while she did have blasts of nostalgia, mostly she was consumed with what Bobby must have thought or felt as he went through these things.

She picked up the papers that were lying loose and put them into the box. Then, realizing it was getting late, she made herself dinner. She thought about calling him again, but she didn't want to nag.

The longer he was gone, the angrier she got. She paced through the constricted aisle he'd left for her to walk in, and wondered why he'd gotten all of it out in the first place. It's not like they were going to put the crib in the closet. Finally, at the limit of her patience, she grabbed, shoved, and kicked the heavy boxes one by one back into the guest bedroom. She even managed to lift them long enough to stack them back in the closet.

* * *

"She's going to have a baby," he said to the bartender, slurring his words. "My baby."

"Congratulations," the barkeep said, though he sounded completely disinterested.

"I never really wanted a baby… but now I do. I think. I mean, I don't want her to, you know…"

The bartender was itching to escape, but he couldn't pull himself away from the conversation.

"She's such a good woman," Bobby continued. "I don't know what she sees in me." He drank down half of his fresh glass of whiskey and gulped hard. "She had a husband once," he went on. "He was… he was killed, in the line of duty, a cop. A good one."

"You think when you love someone like that… you think you can really, move on?"

The bartender shrugged.

"I don't know, either. She says so, but I don't know. I mean, I could never… measure up…"

* * *

"Hello?"

"Lewis, is Bobby with you?"

"No, Detective, I haven't seen him in a week. Why?"

"Oh." She was disappointed. "He was supposed to be home… a while ago. He's not answering his phone. I thought maybe…"

"You want me to go out and look for him?"

"No, Lewis, never mind. I'm sorry I bothered you."

"Detective Eames, are you okay?"

"Yes, thank you, Lewis. I'm all right." She said goodbye and hung up the phone, raising a finger to her lips and nipping at the jagged edge of a nail.

* * *

At least he had the wherewithal to know he was too drunk to drive. Bobby stuffed his keys back into his pocket and walked down the street, in the direction of the subway. It was so cold his breath froze in his nostrils, and he lowered his chin as he turned up the collar on his coat. Bobby fished his gloves out of his pockets. He got the first glove on, but fumbled with the other and it dropped to the ground. As he bent over to retrieve it, he was shoved out of the lamplight and into an alley. Bobby reached out and swung hard, but missed. He felt the bricks of the building rake against his skin and sank to the ground, still reaching for his wallet, which was long gone.

* * *

Alex heard the phone ringing in the other room, but she had just crossed over into that relaxed realm where sleep was ready to claim her. Immediately, she thought of Bobby, and her mind told her to get up.

The anger came back and kept her rooted where she lay. She rolled over and put the pillow over her head until the phone was silent.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Lewis marched into the emergency room and headed in the direction he'd been pointed. He went around a curtain and found Bobby, sitting on the edge of the bed, swaying slightly. His cheek was red and scabbing and he had a fresh white bandage just above his left eye.

Bobby saw his friend and straightened up, turned his head, and tried to hold still. "They called you?" he slurred.

"Jesus, Bobby, you're still drunk."

"That's… why this happened," he explained.

"What happened?"

"I was mugged."

"Because you were drunk."

"Easy target."

"Yeah. Well, what are they saying?" Lewis asked.

Bobby slouched again, his energy running low. He leaned over, putting his weight on his palm. "They said, 'be right back.'" He smiled at the irony. He'd been waiting a long time for someone to come back.

Without a word, Lewis spun on his heel and went to find someone who could finish up with Bobby and discharge him.

* * *

"Detective Eames? This is Lewis. I had to pick up Bobby at the hospital. He's okay, he just got a few stitches. I'm gonna have him stay over at my place tonight. I didn't want you to worry. Good night." Lewis frowned. He hated leaving voicemail messages, especially about things that were important. He raised one eyebrow and looked at Bobby, who was sleeping sprawled out on his couch. On the other hand, it was probably better she didn't see him like this.

* * *

The light sent daggers into his eyes, right through the closed lids. Bobby groaned and threw his arm over his face, turning toward the back of the couch.

"Rise and shine, Bobby, I gotta go to the shop." Lewis was already in his coveralls. He poured himself a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal and sat down at the table to eat.

Bobby groaned again.

"C'mon, Bobby, you can't stay here."

Bobby sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes. He then explored the bandage with his fingertips. "Why not?" he asked quietly.

"Because you've got your own place. You know, your girlfriend's there, wondering what the hell is wrong with you."

Lewis rarely confronted Bobby about anything. Just his irritated tone was something completely foreign. "Lewis, I… I'm sorry they called you. I guess they couldn't get hold of Alex, and…" As he got to his feet, he saw the stony look on his best friend's face. Bobby had never seen Lewis so angry.

"Lewis?"

"Why the drinking, Bobby?"

"What?"

"You were drunker than a skunk last night. Why?"

"Uh, I, uh…"

"You're a fucking mess."

"Lewis?"

"You're so fucking down on yourself you'll do anything to prove to her you're an asshole. And then she'll get sick of it and tell you off and then you can tell the world what a sorry-assed loser you are."

Bobby gaped at his friend.

"Get some help, Bobby. You need a fucking shrink. I don't have time for this shit." Lewis gulped down his coffee, grabbed his keys, and left.

Bobby's phone rang, shaking him out of his thoughts. He found his coat and ran his hands through his pockets until he found it. It stopped ringing before he could answer, but he saw the call had been from Alex. Bobby hung his head, sighed, and slowly dialed her back.

"Bobby? Are you okay?" She asked, sounding a little frantic.

"I got some stitches."

"What happened? Are you still with Lewis? Do you want me to come get you?"

He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his temples. His head was pounding. He was hungover, and tired, and her questions weren't helping.

"Bobby?"

"I… Don't worry, Alex. I'm headed home now." He hung up the phone and realized it was going to take a while before he could head home. He had to go to his apartment and find the paperwork to cancel his credit cards. And he had to pick up the mustang, if it was still there.

Thankfully, Lewis had left a splash of coffee in his coffee pot. Bobby poured it into a cup and guzzled it down, wondering just how pissed Lewis really was.

* * *

Bobby finally got home at 10:30. She'd tried to call him while he was at his place, but he didn't want to risk losing the call with the credit card company, and so he hadn't answered.

She was cleaning the kitchen sink when he walked in. She heard him, but she didn't even try to turn around. He stood by the front door in silence, and his eyes skimmed over the living room.

"Where are the boxes?" he asked.

She turned long enough to glare at him. "In the closet." Alex went back to scrubbing.

"Who put them in the closet?" he asked.

She didn't even turn this time. "I did, Bobby."

Worry washed over him, and he grew angry. "You're not supposed to be lifting things!"

"Somebody had to do it."

With a kind of reluctant shuffle, he approached the kitchen. "I told you I would take care of it."

"You were taking too long."

"Are you all right? You didn't hurt yourself, did you?" His hand brushed against her back and she stiffened and pulled away.

"I'm fine."

He drew back his hand and used it to grab his other arm. "I, uh, I'm sorry it took so long. They got my wallet, I had to you know, call all the credit cards and…" his voice trailed away.

"You could have called."

He looked down, nodding in agreement.

Finished with her task, she turned to him, studying him from toe to head. "You're all right?" she asked quietly.

Bobby, encouraged, looked up with a smile. "Just three stiches. I'm uh… kinda banged up."

She took his chin in her hand and studied the scrapes on his face. "Why, Bobby?"

He had no good answer for that. Sadly, he shrugged. "I don't know why." He cleared his throat. "Lewis is mad at me, too."

She'd been thinking about chewing him out, breaking things off. But he was hurt, and she could see the dark circles under his eyes. Alex sighed. "Why don't you go lie down a while, get some rest."

With the tips of his fingers, he brushed her hair back over her ear. Bobby leaned down and kissed her sweetly on the cheek. "I love you, Alex."

She patted his arm gently, and he walked down the hall.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Alex wound her way through the garage until she came to Lewis' office door. She shifted the sacks into one hand and knocked with the other.

He leapt up from his computer chair and opened the door for her. "Oh, uh, good, let me help you with that," Lewis sputtered, gently lifting one of the sacks from her hand. He led her to a small table and slid the papers littering its top with one hand. He set his sack down and gestured for her to do the same. "What's the occasion?" he asked her.

Alex smiled. "I wanted to thank you for everything… you're trying to do for Bobby and me."

She opened the sacks and fished out lunch sandwiches for both of them, with salads and fries on the side. "I'm glad you were there for him last night," she said.

"I'd do the same for anybody," Lewis said.

"At 4 a.m.? I don't think so." She smiled again.

Lewis accepted her compliment with embarrassed silence. After a few bites of his lunch, he pushed his glasses up on his nose. "Are you, uh, and the baby, you're okay?"

"Fine," Alex said.

"I know Bobby's a pain in the ass, Detective. He always has been. But he's worse with girls. I've been through this a lot of times with him." Lewis sipped from his drink and studied her face. "Are you going to break it off?"

His honesty struck her, and she stared into his eyes a moment. "I've thought about it," she admitted.

"It's what always happens," Lewis said. "Only… he never had a baby on the way before." Lewis picked a loose bit of lettuce off the paper from his sandwich. "Look, Alex… I told him… I told him he needs help. He needs to talk to somebody about this."

"Why can't he talk to me? I've told him a thousand times that I'm here for him."

Lewis shrugged.

"Do you think he'll go to someone?" She asked.

Lewis shrugged again. "You know what they always say… Doctors make the worst patients? He's spent his whole life being the one keeping everyone else together. His Mom, Frank… Bobby was the 'normal' one. Bobby was the caregiver… the _expert_ caregiver."

"He doesn't want to talk to a doctor because he already knows what they'll say." Alex was saddened by the insight.

"He _thinks_ he knows."

"And he's afraid of it."

"He's afraid to find out he's just like his mother. Or even worse, his father."

Alex took heed of his words. Lewis had known Bobby's parents. He was the only person, besides Bobby, who really knew what his childhood had been like.

"I hope you won't give up on him, Alex. But no one will fault you for it if you do. Even Bobby won't. He loves you, you know."

* * *

There was a note on the table in her perfect handwriting. The round loops on her letters were like the petals of a flower, the complete opposite of his left-handed scrawl. He read it, and then went to the guest room to ponder the crib problem again.

And he thought about what Lewis had said.

_You'll do anything to prove to her you're an asshole…_

_ You need a fucking shrink…_

* * *

When Alex returned home, he was working in the guest room. She could hear the tapping of a hammer. She followed the sound and found him carrying the closet door and leaning it against the wall. Alex leaned against the doorframe and folded her arms.

"Hi," she said quietly.

He looked over and smiled. "Oh, uh, hi."

"You took the door off?" she wasn't harsh, only curious.

"Uh, yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck. "You wanna keep the double bed. A crib won't fit unless we put it flush to the bed. It's gonna be pretty close to the wall. The closet door wouldn't have any room to swing open… This way, we can still get in the closet."

She grinned. "Good thinking."

He rubbed his hands together, brushing away the dust from the old wood. Bobby took a few slow steps in her direction.

Alex raised up off the doorframe and stepped closer to him, too. She reached up and touched his cheek, looking at his scrapes and at the glaring bandage on his forehead. Then, without saying a word, she leaned up and kissed his lips.

Bobby kept his arms around her. "Uh, did you… have a nice lunch?" he asked. Her note had told him she was having lunch with a friend.

"Yes, it was good."

Curiosity got the better of him. "Who did you go with?"

"We didn't go anywhere. I took lunch to Lewis at the shop."

Bobby put it all together at once. "Commiserating?" he inquired.

"No. Not really. Just trying to... figure you out."

"Any luck?" he asked.

Alex shook her head and kissed him again.

"Lewis was… pretty mad at me," Bobby said.

"Yeah," she agreed.

"Is he, uh…"

"He meant what he told you this morning, Bobby. He wants you to get help. And so do I."

"I can't… talk to a stranger…"

"You talk to bartenders all the time, don't you?" He frowned. "Bobby, if you want to be with me, with us, you have to find some kind of counselor. I'll give you until the end of the week to find somebody." She felt him go rigid under her grip.

"That's it, then?"

"It's a dealbreaker."

"I'm not going to Olivet. Or anybody that works with the force."

"Bobby, I don't care who you go to. Just get some help." With that, Alex's pleading eyes bored into him. She finally let go of him and left the room.

Bobby stumbled sideways until he bumped the edge of the bed. He sank down onto the mattress and raked his fingers through his hair. When the shock wore off, the anger coursed through him. He thought about finding Lewis, punching his lights out. He thought about packing up and leaving, like he'd done so many times before.

Then he thought about his child, and he knew it would have to be different this time.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

"It says here you want to improve your relationships with others."

"Yeah, well… one… relationship."

"A spouse?"

"No, uh… my partner."

The Psychologist waited for him to elaborate.

"Yeah, she's my partner at work… we've been together for years… and now… it sounds inadequate to say 'girlfriend,'…"

"You're romantically involved with her?"

"Yes."

"What's her name?"

"Alex. Alexandra."

"Wouldn't you like to sit down, Mr. Goren?"

"Uh… sorry," he said, halting his pacing. Bobby dropped into the chair next to her desk.

"What kind of work do you do?"

Bobby rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, I'm a… detective… criminal profiler…"

He caught the quick spark in her eye. "I, uh… I don't want to talk about work. That's fine. It has nothing to do with that."

"Oh. That's interesting."

He looked up in alarm, wondering what she thought she'd discovered.

"You're having trouble in your romantic relationship, but not your professional one. That's not easy to do. You both must be remarkable people."

His cheeks reddened slightly and his knee began to bounce. "At work, you know, we both just get… so… wrapped up in the cases, we don't think about other things…"

She smiled at him.

"Look, I really don't know what to tell you. I only came because she… well, we have trouble sometimes, you know, and she thought…"

"She asked you to seek counseling?"

He gave a half-hearted shrug.

"Mr. Goren… Detective Goren, why do you think Alex wanted you to come here?"

He spent some time pressing his hand against the skin of his face. "I have a hard time… communicating," he finally said.

"That's not uncommon, as I'm sure you know."

There it was again, that knowing spark in her eye. She was on to him. Bobby's knee bounced again and he squirmed in the seat. "Look, it was an… ultimatum. So I'm here."

"Why?"

"Because it was either this or lose her."

"I understand what an ultimatum is. I was asking you why you're here."

"Look, I'm really uncomfortable with this."

"I can see that, and I'm sorry you're uncomfortable."

Bobby folded his arms and held his breath. The doctor waited. The clock ticked 53 times before he finally said, "I don't handle things well."

"What things? Give me an example."

Again, the room was filled with the ticking of the clock. Bobby became more agitated. Finally, he got to his feet and paced the room again. "Did you… pick this stuff out yourself?" he asked, pointing to some figurines on the bookshelf.

She smiled. "You were going to give me an example," she said.

Bobby jammed his hands deep into his pockets and rocked back and forth, heel-to-toe. Soon, his rocking was in time with the movement of the second hand on the clock.

"You're very good at avoidance," the doctor said. "That could strain a relationship."

"All right, fair enough," he agreed, shaking his head. "I avoid things… issues… conflict…"

"Why is that?"

Again, the silence. Finally, he shrugged. "I guess it's always worked for me."

"Oh," she said. "Has it? Worked for you?"

* * *

Alex couldn't remember the last time she was so nervous. She honestly didn't know what to expect from Bobby when he came home. She wondered if he would even come home right away.

She'd asked him to get one of the boxes out of the closet, and she was occupying her mind by sorting through it. A lot of the things inside were meaningless to her anymore. College papers that she thought were masterpieces at the time: long forgotten now; mementos from events she'd attended: weddings, baby showers. The stack of things she was keeping was beside her on the couch, and the rest was in a mess on the floor. Alex felt good about it; she felt productive.

Finally finished, she put the keepsakes into the box and carried it to the guest room. She put it on the bed. If she had as much luck with the other boxes, she could consolidate three boxes to one, and they'd have room in the closet for diapers and other necessities.

As she made her way back to the living room, she heard his keys in the door. Alex stood stock still and watched him come in the door. He held a grimace on his face.

"Hi," she said cheerfully.

Bobby scowled at her. "Hi." He walked past her to the kitchen, where he emptied his pockets on the counter. Then he picked up a novel he'd been reading and stomped off to the bedroom.

Alex heard the door close and took a breath. Apparently, counseling made him angry. Quietly, she scooped up the things off the floor and carried them to the kitchen trash can.

The phone rang, startling her. She paused a moment to still her heart, and then reached for it. "Eames," she said, all business. "Okay, yes, sir." She hung up, and Bobby's phone rang next. She picked it up and carried it to him in the bedroom.

"We're getting called out," she announced, and handed the ringing phone over. As he spoke, she went back to get their winter coats.

"Goren," he said. "Yes, sir. Be right there." He followed after her, and found she was already pulling her coat on.

Bobby slipped his own coat on and opened the door for her as they left.

* * *

It was seven degrees outside, and the wind chill was below zero. Their crime scene was in the dead center of an old freight yard, where there was no shelter from the merciless wind.

They worked it for more than an hour, and Bobby was growing impatient with the team. He sidled up to Alex and leaned down, keeping his voice low so only she could hear.

"You should go. I can get a ride back with CSU."

"And why is that, Detective?" She asked.

"It's too cold out here. You need a break from it."

"Bobby," she said, lowering her own voice. "I'm cold, but our baby is warm as toast. Stop worrying." With that, she hurried over to check on one of the teams, correcting them before they took a photograph.

Bobby shivered as the wind picked up again. He turned and met with another group that was bagging evidence behind him.

Twenty minutes later, they were finally finished at the scene and ready to head back. They walked to the SUV together and Alex walked to the passenger door. "You drive," she told him.

His face was full of worry, but he remained quiet as he took the keys and slipped around to the other side.

She sat very still, her gloved hands pressed against her rosy cheeks as he started the engine. Bobby cranked up the heater and looked her way. "Are you all right?" he asked.

Alex nodded. "My cheeks are numb," she said.

He drove out of the freight yard and got back to the city streets, proper. Bobby was about to turn into traffic, when she ordered, "Stop the car, Bobby!"

He kept his foot on the brake and she released her seat belt and scrambled to the sidewalk, where she threw up. Bobby threw the car into park and turned it off. He slammed the door shut as he rushed around to her side of the car.

She was dry heaving now, and he reached down to steady her with one strong arm. Gasping in the icy air threw Alex into a coughing fit. She finally regained control of herself and he helped her back up to her feet.

Alex nearly fainted. She leaned hard against him and he put her back in her seat. "What's wrong?" He asked, in a panic.

"I'm just… I need some water… something to eat," she said. "I should have eaten something earlier," she said.

Bobby shut the door to keep her out of the wind and glanced around. They were at the edge of the freight yard, about as far from anywhere as you could get in the City. He spotted the flickering neon of an old diner lighting up at the end of the block, in the corner of what looked to be an old warehouse. He hopped back in the car, started it, and drove them closer. Then he went around to her side and opened her door, his eyes asking the question all over again. _Are you all right?_

"Can you walk with me?" he asked her, his hand on her forearm.

She kept her eyes closed and shook her head. "Just bring me something, okay?"

He reached across her and restarted the engine. The heater blasted air through the vents. "Lock yourself in," he told her, and shut the door. Alex hit the lock button and Bobby jogged to the entrance of the diner.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Alex came around to the incessant banging of his hand against the window.

"Alex!"

She turned in his direction, and saw his frantic breath in the cold air. Suddenly, she realized he was pointing at the lock button on her side of the door. She reached forward and pressed it, and he yanked open the door, sending icy cold into the car.

He set a Styrofoam cup in her hand and touched her face with the other. He was truly worried.

Alex picked up the cup and he steadied it for her so she could take a long drink.

Bobby searched her eyes when she lowered it again.

"I guess I must have fainted," she explained. "I'm okay now, really."

He wasn't convinced. He made sure she had a good grip on her drink and Bobby put a paper sack on the seat next to her. "French fries in there," he said. He shut the door and hurried around to the driver's side of the car, where he hopped in and shut the door, shaking off the cold.

He glanced over at her again, and found her rooting through the bag to select a fry. He watched her bite it in half and then started driving.

"These fries are good," she said enthusiastically.

Bobby could see that the food was helping, but he was still concerned. "You should see a doctor," he said.

"Bobby, it's just that I hadn't eaten in a while. I'm fine, really."

He was silent for three blocks, and then he said, "I would feel better if we just… made sure."

She sat, stunned that he'd spoken to her about it at all. Finally, she nodded. "Okay, but they'll just tell you the same thing I did."

He stopped at a red light, stared into her eyes, and reached out to hold her hand.

"We need to get back to the squad," she said.

"Urgent care first," he countered.

"Ross will be wondering-"

"We need to tell him anyway."

Alex sipped more water. "Do you have any idea what it will mean to tell Ross?"

"Sooner or later, Alex—"

"My vote is for later. Bobby, we won't be together anymore. It'll end the partnership. Have you even thought of that?"

He hadn't thought of it. He zipped through traffic, steering with one hand. "So you just leave out the part about the father, then."

She took a long, slow breath and nodded. She could still feel his hand on hers.

* * *

Alex leaned back against the raised head of the exam bed. As silly as she thought this trip to the doctor was, she had to admit it felt good to slow down and rest. They'd given her an IV, which scared her, but it seemed to be helping.

Bobby sat in the corner, fiddling with his phone. He'd sent a text to the Captain, saying they'd made a side trip to the doctor for Eames. He would let her tell the Captain the rest.

The doctor came in, and they both sat up, alert.

"Ms. Eames, Mr. Goren…You were dehydrated when you came in, and you're experiencing bouts of low blood sugar. I think if you're a little more conscientious about your water intake, and maybe carry some healthy snacks with you at all times, you shouldn't have much trouble with this anymore."

"And the baby?" Bobby asked.

"The baby's fine."

"I'll have you finish out this drip, and then the nurse will help you so you can be on your way."

They both thanked the doctor and he left the room. Bobby hovered near her with a relieved smile on his face.

"I told you so," Alex stated.

Bobby tapped the pole the IV bag was on. "It wasn't for nothing," he countered.

She smiled, too. She closed her eyes to rest again and was surprised a moment later by his lips on hers. She opened her eyes when he pulled away, and Alex could see the love in his eyes.

* * *

They returned to Major Case. As Bobby helped her take her coat off, the Captain came out of his office and approached them.

"Everything okay, Eames?" He asked.

With a shy smile, she replied. "Yes, Captain. But… I need to see you privately."

"Sure thing," Ross said, and motioned for her to follow him.

When the Captain was a few steps away, Alex glanced over at Bobby, who gave her a nod of encouragement. Then she followed Ross.

Bobby watched her go, and watched the blinds rattle as the Captain's door shut.

* * *

"I was a little dehydrated," she said. "It wouldn't be a big deal, except… Captain, I'm pregnant."

The Captain fumbled with his words a little. "Congratulations, uh… I didn't even know there was someone… in the picture…"

"I keep my personal life pretty quiet," she told him. "I'm almost 12 weeks, sir. I expect to be able to work most of the way through, like last time."

* * *

Mike Logan saw Goren sitting at his desk. He hadn't spoken much to Eames in a couple of weeks, and he wondered about her. Logan got to his feet and walked over. "Hey, Goren," he said.

"Logan," Bobby replied, his eyes alert.

"Uhm… how is she?" Logan asked.

Bobby bristled at first, but he could see in Logan's face that he wasn't trying to start trouble. "She's okay, she's good."

"Good, I'm glad," Logan replied. He jerked his chin toward the Captain's office. "What's going on in there?"

"She's telling the Captain about it."

"Oh. And you, too?"

"No." Bobby gave him a look of warning. _And don't you tell anyone, either._

"Look, uh, tell her I… oh, never mind." Logan went back to his desk and his own work.

Bobby stared after him, feeling slightly guilty about interfering with Alex's friendship with the man. If Alex had ever had a thing with Mike, she would have told him.

He glanced up at her when she returned, and she nodded. Without a word, they got right to work on the case.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"You still haven't been clear about why you're really here," Dr. Tenorio said.

Bobby bristled. He ran his hand through his curls and looked away. "You're playing games with me."

She gave him a curious smile.

He reddened, and got to his feet. "You know exactly why I'm here, and yet you keep asking me that over and over again, trying to get me to say it."

"Have you said it yet?"

"No, I haven't s-s-said it… but you already know and I already know and Alex already knows, so what's the Goddamn point of saying it?!"

"I think you know that, as well."

"Well," he snarled, spinning around to face her, "if I already know so much, why the hell am I paying you?!" He fumed at her a moment, and then he turned and stormed out, grabbing his woolen coat off the peg by the door on the way.

* * *

After four days working an intense case, Alex was exhausted. She had only intended to rest a few minutes, but instead had fallen hard asleep. Now as she slowly came to, she realized it was much later than she thought. The window was no longer casting light into the room.

Night came early this time of year, so she had to look at the clock to see what time it was. The clock read 6:20. Bobby should have been home hours ago. She glanced out the window, and saw the same icy crust of snow clinging to the sill that she had been seeing for days. Icicles hung from the eaves of every house.

She knew it was still freezing outside, approaching negative temperatures. She couldn't help but think he may have been in an accident. Alex reached for her phone and dialed his number. It went straight to voicemail, and did nothing to alleviate her fear. Another thought popped into her mind, a possibility she'd been hoping she wouldn't have to consider again.

Alex walked out to the kitchen and made herself a plate. Thirty minutes. She'd give him thirty minutes to call her back, and then anything was fair game.

* * *

She had a sick feeling in her gut, and this time it wasn't morning sickness. Alex dialed Lewis, on the slim chance that they were together.

"Detective Alex!" he answered cheerfully. "How are you?"

"Okay, Lewis. Have you seen Bobby?"

Lewis closed his eyes. _Oh no._ "No, I haven't."

"He had his appointment today. He should have been home hours ago. I'm worried he may have been in an accident or something," she said. It was only half of a lie.

"I can go look for him," Lewis offered.

"No, Lewis. He could be anywhere. Just let me know if you hear from him."

"Okay, and you, too. Keep me posted." When Lewis hung up the phone, he turned it over in his hand. "Damn it, Bobby!" he said under his breath.

* * *

He'd gone to the bar, but he'd stopped at two. Bobby had spent the last three hours walking the City, slipping in and out of stores and restaurants whenever the cold got to him.

He'd been thinking about Alex. All day. And he expected he would think about her all night.

That ever present cloud hung over him again, and he knew he'd made yet another mistake. But he knew he was determined to keep trying, to keep trying as long as she would let him.

It hadn't been so bad earlier, but a snowstorm had begun, and the wind was blowing it sideways. Every way he turned, he got a blast in the eyes, or in his ear. He couldn't get away from it now. Bobby knew it was time to go home.

By the time he reached the subway tunnel, the snow had already soaked through his coat. Shivering, he boarded the train and came up at the other end. His teeth chattered as he quickly made his way back to the lot where the mustang was parked. Then Bobby turned it over and drove the rest of the way home.

He stood in front of the door and had the thought that he should have bought her flowers. In the dead of winter, yes, but he should have found her some decent flowers.

He fumbled for his keys, but they slipped from his numb fingers and landed in the snow covering the porch. Bobby bent down to retrieve them and slipped. He fell hard, landing with a grunt that she could hear inside.

Alex pulled the door open. "Bobby! Christ, are you all right?"

He managed to dig his keys out of the wet snow and get back to his feet. "Yeah, I'm okay," he said and followed her in, stamping the snow off his clothes and shoes.

"You're freezing," she said. "Are you drunk?"

Her question angered him. "No, I'm not drunk! Jesus Christ, Alex, there's ice outside. I slipped, that's all."

"Well, where the hell have you been?!" she asked, even as she pulled his wet coat from his arms.

"I've been… walking. Thinking."

"You've been out walking in _this_?" And then she realized his therapy session must not have gone well. Not that any of them had gone well. Alex clamped her mouth shut and was silent.

But Bobby was too cold to keep up the argument. He stripped out of his shirt and pants and headed for the shower in his boxers.

Alex scooped up his wet clothes and hung them strategically to dry.

He stayed in the shower a long time, but when he finally came out, he was still chilled. Bobby put on some old sweats he had in his drawer and came back out to the living room with his arms folded across his chest.

"I don't think I can keep doing this," Alex said, shaking her head.

"What? I'm doing what you asked, Alex! Dr. Tenorio… you told me to get counseling, and I'm doing it!" His teeth started chattering and he squeezed his arms tighter together.

"Bobby, you can't just keep disappearing all the time!"

"Look, Alex! If you want me to… to… change, then I'm going to have to do a lot of th-th-thinking… I have to have t-time to process all this…" His whole body was shivering now.

Alex gathered up the throw blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over him. "You're freezing," she said again. "Sit down."

Even as he did what she told him, he couldn't seem to stop arguing. "I t-told you before, didn't I? I'm-m doing my best! I guess," he shivered violently, "it's just not g-good enough."

Alex wrapped her arms around him, trying to send the warmth from her body into his. "Shhh," she soothed. "Relax, Bobby. Just relax." He continued to shiver under her embrace.

Alex clung to him, and as his body slowly stopped its tremors, she realized she was clinging to him as much for herself as for him. Her sister was right. She could raise her child alone, but it wasn't what she wanted. She wanted Bobby.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

He didn't sleep well. Once he stopped shivering, he overheated, and from then on he couldn't get comfortable. On top of that, he still felt angry and confused by everything that had happened, from the conversation with Dr. Tenorio, to the brief, unresolved argument with Alex, to the loving care she gave him.

As a result, he tossed and turned all night, and finally gave up on sleep entirely at 4 a.m. He felt a burning in his chest, but he ignored it and tried to finish the novel he was reading.

Alex woke with the alarm. He heard her click it off and shuffle to the bathroom. When she was really sleepy, she dragged her feet. He smiled, knowing he was one of a small handful of people who knew that about her. His smile slipped away as he wondered if she was still angry with him.

He heard the water run as she washed her hands, and he tried to focus on his book as her footsteps sounded closer. Bobby's whole body warmed as Alex's fingers drifted lightly over his hair and down to his neck.

"Good morning," she said quietly.

"Morning," he replied, dropping the book to his lap and turning toward the sensation of her fingers.

Their eyes met and she kissed him, a sweet moment of tenderness. "How are you?" She asked him.

"I'm… you know, tired, but I'm okay." His hand lightly brushed against her arm, and over to her baby bump. She watched him caress her there, until his hand fell away again.

"We've got a lot of paperwork today," she reminded him. "I can handle it, if you need to take the day," she offered.

Bobby shook his head. Even if he'd wanted to, he couldn't take the day. He had no sick leave left. He got to his feet. "I'll be fine. All I need is a shower and a…" he smiled at her playfully, "cup of joe."

Alex was glad to see his smile. She wasn't sure what to expect this morning, and even though things still hung unresolved between them, it looked as if they could carry on. As aggravated as she got with his behavior, a moment of his playful charm would win her over in a heartbeat.

He kissed her, and as he began to pull away, she reeled him in for more. The intensity of their kiss was overwhelming to both of them. When they finally broke apart, they stared at each other, speechless.

Bobby's hand continued to move over hers, gripping, squeezing, caressing, until finally he let her go and headed for the shower.

Alex swooned. She steadied herself on the back of the couch a moment, before writing it off to low blood sugar. She went to the kitchen to get breakfast.

* * *

By the end of the work day, the burning had turned into an itch, and Bobby was coughing. He and Alex piled into the SUV to head home, and she finally allowed her concern to show.

"You're getting sick," she said.

He stifled another cough. "Maybe," he replied, with a shrug.

She felt his forehead. "You _are_ sick," she corrected. He definitely had a fever brewing.

"I'll get some rest, I'll be fine."

Everything she thought of to say would have sparked an argument, so she elected to remain silent. She started the car and pulled slowly out of the garage as he closed his eyes and leaned back against the headrest.

Bobby knew what he would say to Tenorio, the next time she asked him why.

* * *

The illness settled in quickly, a deep chest cold that made him wince with every hacking cough. Late that night, Alex made a run to the drugstore and dosed him up with cough syrup.

He refused to come to bed. Bobby was determined that she not catch it from him.

Just as he was about to settle in on the couch, she shoved him in the direction of the guest room. Bobby picked up the box from the top of the bed and set it on the floor. Then he collapsed onto the mattress.

Alex kicked the box aside and undressed him. He complained and swatted at her hands, trying to push her away. Then he coughed until he turned red.

She finished with his clothes and tucked him in, promising to keep her distance once he was comfortable. Alex laid her hand in his curls and suppressed the urge to kiss him. "Good night, Bobby," she said quietly.

He started to say goodnight, but coughed instead. She flipped off the light and closed the door for him.

* * *

Alex lay in bed, listening to his movements through the wall, and she thought of their first night together. They'd been working a tough case, and out of kindness, he'd brought her home. They'd ended up talking and completely lost track of time. Finally, she'd invited him to stay the night and set him up in the guest room.

Bobby had been reluctant at first, but he was tired, and he had acquiesced. She'd left him and come to her room, and much like tonight, had lain still listening to his movements in the other room.

Only then, he hadn't been sick.

She had heard him toss and turn, and she had heard his heavy sigh. Alex, against all of her better judgement, had gotten out of bed and walked to her guest room.

She heard the springs creak as he turned over again, and she stealthily opened the door.

He'd sprung upright, his weight on his hands, shocked.

"Bobby?" she said. For lack of any excuse, she asked him, "Are you all right?"

He'd carefully bunched the covers over his groin and nodded. "I'm f-fine," he lied. "Just can't get comfortable."

She had stepped forward, taken the pillow from behind him, and fluffed it. As she reached around him to put it back, she was caught in his kiss. Or maybe she had caught him. Thinking back on it now, Alex knew she'd wanted it as badly as he had.

He coughed violently, and she wanted desperately to go in there again. But, she was pregnant, and he was trying to protect her by isolating himself. On the other hand, Alex knew it was inevitable that she would catch his cold. Between living together and working together, there wasn't much chance that she could escape it.

She rolled over and caressed her belly. There was a slight bump there, now, and Alex smiled. Somehow, some way, the three of them were going to be a family. Bobby was trying. She knew he was. Somehow she had to find the patience within herself to allow him to work things out.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Alex laughed, and took another bite of her lunch. She had missed Mike's stories.

"So… you're okay, right?" He asked, turning his eyes to look out at the rest of the people in the room.

"Yes, Mike. I'm okay."

"Bobby doesn't always seem-"

"Bobby's working on it. We're fine."

Wisely, Mike chose to drop the subject. He checked his phone, and saw he had a message. "I'll be right back," he told her, and got up to walk to the men's room, where it was quieter.

Alex got out her own phone, and dialed Bobby. She held her hand over her other ear to block out the noise of the dining room. "Bobby?" she said. "I'm at lunch, I just wanted to check on you." She listened to him speak, and cough, and speak again. "Well, it's too late. Ross already knows you're sick and he's not about to let you come to work and spread it around… what?" She paused while he repeated himself. "Yeah, I've been working with Logan again. He took me to lunch… What? Why?" she asked, wincing because Mike was walking back in her direction. She sighed. "All right, Bobby." She held out her phone to Logan. "Bobby wants to talk to you."

With a surprised expression, Logan took the phone from her. He hunkered down in the seat, one ear covered by the phone, the other by his hand. "Yeah?" He listened carefully. "Yeah, don't worry, I got it." Even Logan heard the wracking cough. "Goren, it's okay. No worries." He handed the phone back to Alex.

"Do you need me to pick up anything on the way home?" she asked him, and then listened. "All right. See you later, Bobby. And Bobby?" She turned slightly away from Logan. "I love you." When she hung up, she was smiling. "Poor guy. He hates to be sick."

* * *

He was asleep when she arrived home. Alex snuck into the guest room and sat beside him. She ran her fingers through his unruly curls.

Bobby stirred, and opened glassy eyes to stare at her.

"Hi," she said quietly.

"Hi," he whispered, stifling a cough.

"Did you eat something?"

"Not yet," he said, and the cough broke through. He turned away from her until the spasms subsided.

"Do you think you can manage pasta?"

He shrugged. "I'll try."

She kissed his salty forehead, and he suppressed another cough.

Alex wasn't long in the kitchen before he joined her. Bobby slid into a seat at the table and rested his chin in the cup of his hand. "How was work?" he asked.

"Fine," she said. "They put me with Logan again. Did you know he's between partners again? I don't know what the guy's doing wrong, but it seems like they're dropping like flies lately."

"He sleeps with them."

"Bobby!"

He coughed. "It's true… well, I'm pretty sure it's true. He gets cozy and they sleep together and…" he shrugged, "somebody breaks it off."

"That's just gossip," she cried.

"I know he slept with Barek."

"What?!"

"I'm only guessing about Wheeler. But Barek… I'm sure about that one."

"Unbelievable," she said as she turned her attention back to cooking dinner. Bobby coughed behind her. "Have you had any cough syrup lately? That's not sounding good."

"It's time for another dose," he said, and before she could pour it for him, he took a hefty swig from the bottle and smiled at her.

"I'm glad you measure carefully," she snarked. "What did you say to Logan on the phone, anyway?"

"Nothing."

"Not good enough, Bobby. I am a detective, remember?"

He coughed twice and furrowed his brow. "I told him… to keep an eye on you."

"Bobby, I don't need a big brother watching over me," she protested.

"I know," he said, coughing again. "My intent was to get Logan to understand… I'm not jealous." _And to keep you safe._

"You're not? Good." Alex smiled.

"I, uh… I made another appointment with Dr. Tenorio."

She poured the pasta into the water and gave him an interested grunt.

"I… I kinda left early the last time, and…"

"You did?"

There was a break in the conversation while Bobby coughed. "Sometimes… sometimes it's very hard for me," he explained.

"Oh. I… I understand," she said quietly, though they both knew she didn't, really. It was Alex's way of showing support. She was encouraged that he was speaking to her, but she wasn't trying to force him.

"… and I left early," he coughed, "and so I called to reschedule today."

"Good, Bobby. I'm glad." She stirred the sauce and took a moment to sit at the table with him. Her eyes were sparkling as she took his hand. "I really appreciate all you're doing for… for us."

* * *

The cough was mostly gone, it seemed. He wasn't coughing as often, but when he had to, it was often a debilitating episode that left him red-faced and gasping for air.

Bobby kept his scarf over his face until he was inside the building. He let it fall away as he entered the waiting room of the office and signed in. The receptionist made a note of his time and after a few minutes, Dr. Tenorio appeared.

"Robert, good to see you." She held the door open for him as he entered her private office. "I was glad to see that you'd rescheduled. Have you thought about why you left?"

Bobby shucked off his coat and let it fall on the back of the couch. "No, but I have thought about… why...why I'm coming."

She smiled, and gestured for him to have a seat. Then she sat in her own chair, eagerly awaiting his explanation.

"It's… well… I want to be a good father," he said.

She cocked her head in surprise. "Alex is pregnant?"

He nodded. "You see… my father… he wasn't around much… And when he was, well…"

There was an abundance of pain as he struggled to talk about his father. "So you're here, not because of the ultimatum, but because of the baby."

He nodded eagerly.

"Why?"

His face darkened. He glared at the doctor. "My father… thought… that raising boys meant… beating us into submission when we… and… being there for significant… milestones… he bought Frank his first car… he got me my first drink and a smoke… bought us both whores…"

"It sounds like you're very resentful."

Bobby nodded. "That's not what kids need! Even as a child I could see… how… hollow… his attempts at parenting were."

"And you don't want to turn out like him."

Bobby nodded, and suddenly had a burning desire for a cigarette. He rubbed his hands against his pants.

"Robert, where does Alex fit into this?"

He scoffed. "Wh-what? She's my… love, she's the mother of my child, the most important woman in the world to me." He swallowed hard, trying to suppress the tickle that was signaling a coughing fit.

The doctor shifted position, thinking about how to frame her words. "When you say you're here for the baby, I can tell you already have a commitment. To being a parent, to being there."

Bobby nodded.

"Do you think that same commitment is important in your relationship with Alex?"

Again, he scoffed. "What? I'm there for her. I'd do anything for Alex. I love her. She knows that."

Dr. Tenorio smiled. "Tell me again how you caught that cold?"

He hung his head and blushed, and the coughing fit finally overtook him.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

He was angry again, and the woman had his head absolutely spinning. But this time, Bobby went home.

Alex looked over as the door shut, pausing with glasses in her hands as she unloaded the dishwasher. "Hey," she said, her tone cautious, but friendly.

His face was tortured, but he wrestled his emotions down. Bobby walked into the kitchen silently, and kissed her temple. Then he stared at the floor tiles in front of the refrigerator. "I'm uhm… I've got a lot to think about," he muttered, and padded down the hall to the bedroom.

Alex put the glasses in the cabinet and folded her arms, but she smiled. It seemed like something good was coming out of therapy after all.

* * *

Alex caught the cold, but nothing like what Bobby had. She had a stuffy nose and a sore throat, but never got much of a cough at all. He, on the other hand, was still susceptible to coughing fits.

It was Saturday, and they finally had the weekend free. Bobby was on call, but a full 24 hours had already passed without the phone ringing, and there was a good chance he might not get called in at all.

He insisted that she stay in bed. She snuck out to the couch, where she sat sideways with her feet braced against the crack between the cushions.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I can't stay cooped up in that room any longer, Bobby. I'll pull my hair out, I swear."

He gently took her feet in his hands and lowered them to the smooth center of the cushion. Then he tossed the throw blanket over her and tucked it against her body.

Alex smiled at him, drew in a breath, and sneezed.

He quickly retrieved the box of tissues and handed it to her.

"Thanks," she said.

Bobby sank onto the couch beside her feet. He snuck one out from under the covers and massaged it with his hands. Alex moaned with pleasure.

Bobby studied her smile, and then turned his attention to her feet again, his own grin spreading wide across his face.

"I have an appointment Thursday," she told him.

"For the baby?" he asked.

Alex nodded. "It's at 2 in the afternoon. I was… hoping you could find a way to come with me. But I know, you'd have to make up the time at work and Ross…"

"Ross doesn't have to know."

She held the tissue against her nose and then slowly dragged it over her upper lip. "Bobby," she said, shaking her head.

"I can make it up the same day. I'll go with you, and then I'll go back to the squad and work late. Ross doesn't have to… to know why." His body was wracked with a coughing episode.

Alex sat up, and held her hand against his back until it was over. As he sat trying to catch his breath, she said. "Maybe you should see somebody about that."

When his color returned to normal, he gave her a wink. "Maybe I'll go on Thursday."

* * *

"You seem very happy today," Dr. Tenorio said.

"I… I am happy."

"Why?" Bobby said it at the same time she did, and she laughed.

"I went with Alex to her appointment the other day. They did an ultrasound, and I got to hear the baby's heartbeat."

Tenorio said nothing, just smiled and waited for him to say more.

Bobby still hadn't found a seat. He paced as he spoke, his hands gesticulating. "It was… awesome. In the true sense of that word. Until now, my thoughts of the baby were… academic. Now…"

Suddenly, he stopped pacing and he looked at the Doctor. "There's me, and there's Alex, and now I know somewhere deep inside her is another. Another human being, completely separate from both of us."

"It's real to you now."

"It's real. I heard… I heard the proof."

* * *

Lewis and Bobby had taken over the living room. The basketball game was on, and the coffee table was littered with all the signs of a good game: leftover pizza, empty beer bottles, and a bowl full of mixed snack chips.

As Alex came in, the two men were shouting joyfully, arms high in the air. She smiled to see them having fun. She walked past them to the kitchen, got herself a glass of water, and saw Bobby's pill bottle in the same spot as when she left. She snatched it up and took it to him. Without a word, she held it out.

Bobby took the bottle and shook out a capsule into his hand. Then he borrowed her water glass to wash it down. Without a word, he gave the bottle and the glass back.

He'd almost taken all of them, and the cough had already gone away. After she returned his medicine to the kitchen, she sat on the recliner and watched the two on the couch. "I guess we're winning?"

"56-49, Knicks!" Lewis shouted.

She put her chin in her hand and divided her time between watching the game and their reactions to it. This was a side of Bobby she rarely got to see, a glimpse of the little boy that was inside him.

When the game ended, the two chatted cheerfully about it and about the future for their team. Finally, Lewis got to his feet. "Thanks for having me over, man. I'll return the favor sometime."

Bobby stood and gave Lewis a hug, and Alex did the same. "Good seeing you."

After he left, Bobby finally turned toward Alex. He opened his arms and held her, pausing only for a kiss and to greet their baby with a touch of his hand.

"How was it?" he asked her.

"Oh, you know, okay," she said. "Liz is still Liz. She tried to talk me into buying this ridiculous baby swing that does everything, I think. It rocks, it shakes, it spins… Who knew a kid would need all that?"

"It rocks, like this?" he asked, holding her in his arms and swaying back and forth.

"Mmm-hmmm," Alex said, with a content smile.

"I can spin, too, watch." He adjusted his hold on her and they danced their way around in a circle. When she smiled again, he hugged her. "And… I can… shake!" he cried, holding her tightly and vibrating his arms up and down.

Alex laughed and extracted herself from his grip. "See?" she said. "I told her we wouldn't need it."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"I'm… I'm going to the library." Bobby stood beside his desk, his mind already half a light year away from where he was standing. "I'm going to research something…"

"Okay," Alex said. "I'll catch up with you later." As she watched him walk away, she thought about the case. The murder occurred in the afternoon, and yet no one said they'd heard anything. She wondered if she might get someone to open up.

Alex read through her notes again, and then decided to do some canvassing. She gathered her things and headed for the elevators.

Just as the doors were closing, a hand caught them and they opened again. It was Logan. "Where you headed?" He asked.

"I'm going to the crime scene, I'm going to canvass the neighborhood again."

"I'll go with."

Alex jerked her head, inviting him in. He stood beside her in the car. "I'll fill you in on the way," she said.

* * *

Bobby returned to the squad room with a pile of books in his arms. Alex, Mike, and the Captain were perched on desks, deep in conversation. Bobby slowed, and gently set the books on his desk, beside the Captain. He gave Alex a quick once-over. "What'd I miss?" he asked.

"Your partner had a close call this afternoon," Ross explained. "But, we've got a lead."

"What? What happened?" his questions were directed at her.

Alex met his gaze. "Drive by. I was in the smoke shop, talking with the owner, and they shot through the window."

"Are you all right?" He demanded.

She nodded. "I'm fine, Bobby."

He gave Ross an uneasy glance before turning his attention back to Alex.

"The shop owner was hit. His daughter finally gave a statement."

All of a sudden, Bobby realized Logan was in the mix. "And you were there?" he asked.

Logan nodded. "Felt the bullet whistle as it blew past my ear."

Bobby's lips tightened, and he turned to Alex again. "I need you to fill me in," he said quietly.

She knew the look on his face, but she nodded anyway. "C'mon," she said, patting him on the back as she walked forward. The Captain watched them a moment, then walked Logan back to his desk.

* * *

The door had barely closed when Bobby said, "Why didn't you call me, or wait for me?!"

"It was just a general canvas, Bobby, there was no reason to think something like this would—"

"You always have to think that way. Play defensively. Especially now."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean."

"Because I'm pregnant? I should get somebody to hold my hand all the time?"

"Alex, you're being ridiculous."

"Bobby, you're being overprotective and proprietary."

He paused in his anger, and tried to think of a better way to continue the conversation. Bobby turned his back and paced a few steps before returning to face her again. He shook his head as he spoke. "You can't just think of yourself anymore."

"I do my job, and you're calling that selfish?!" She folded her arms and glared at him. "Maybe instead of blaming me for today's… mishap… Did it ever occur to you to be compassionate?!" Her blood was boiling. She muttered, and he couldn't hear every word. "domineering, insensitive…"

"If you're going to say something, say it to my face, Eames."

She bit her lip and held her breath, but her eyes were pure fire. "You want me to say something, Bobby? I'll say something. I'm a cop. And I'm not going to stop doing my job until I'm good and ready. You're just going to have to get that through your thick head."

"My thick head, huh? You're so Goddamn stubborn you don't see common sense! I never said you shouldn't work, Alex, just that you should have waited for _me_."

"I wasn't alone. Logan was backing me up."

"Hell of a job, he did, huh?" Bobby snarked.

Alex rolled her eyes and gave him a slight shove as she walked past him. The venetian blinds rattled against the door as it swung open and tapped the wall behind her.

It was everything Bobby could do not to cry out and put his fist through the wall. He stormed out of the interview room and down the hall to the bathroom.

It was Logan's unfortunate luck that he was washing his hands when Goren came in. He looked up, his eyes, in the mirror, locked on Goren's every move.

Bobby headed for the stall, then came back with a definite swagger. "What the hell happened out there, Logan?" he asked, but the accusation was clear.

"You already heard it all. She was interviewing the owner, and the bullets started flying."

"Where the hell were you?"

"I was eating chow mein. What the hell do you think I was doing, Goren?!"

Bobby snatched up Mike's shirt collar in his hands and pressed the thinner man against the wall. "Let me tell you something, Logan! When you're with my woman… my child… you don't make fucking jokes about it!"

Logan simply stared him down.

"Hey what the hell's going on in here," Detective Browning asked.

Bobby released Logan and braced his hands against the sink.

"You all right, Mike?"

"Yeah, fine, forget about it," Logan said, and hurried out of the room.

Browning stared at Bobby a few minutes, then remembered why he'd come to the bathroom in the first place. Bobby splashed some water on his face, dried it with a paper towel, and headed back to his desk.

Logan had already gone. Bobby sat down quickly and started flipping through the pages of one of his library books.

Alex did her work in total silence. It was a long, cold afternoon.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

When the day was over, Alex went one way, and Bobby the other. For once, she was glad he didn't come home.

Alex changed into yoga pants and a t-shirt, surprised to find that the pants were a little snug. She ran her hand inside the waistband, quietly caressing the reason for it, and wishing like hell she could have a drink.

Alex poured herself a glass of juice and went to the couch. She finally let herself go back over the events of the day, and in the safety of her home, she let her defenses down.

The drive by had been scary. Thinking on it now, Alex thought it was a miracle that she hadn't taken a bullet. She'd been standing right next to the shopowner, after all. And Logan, too. He'd been right behind her. Instead, the bullets had riddled the stock shelves as the detectives hit the deck, sending cardboard and bits of tobacco fluttering through the air.

She'd tended Giraldi, and Mike had cleared the scene. She'd followed the bus to the hospital, and interviewed Giraldi's daughter. Logan stayed behind investigating, caught a ride back with the uniforms. They'd only just debriefed when Bobby had returned from the library.

She sighed, thinking of how poorly things had gone with Bobby. She knew he'd only been worried about her, and about the baby, but to her way of thinking, he had no right to be so angry about it.

And the fact he accused her of being selfish! Alex guzzled down the rest of the juice and wished again she was allowed something stronger.

Maybe being with Bobby was a mistake. Maybe he could never change enough.

* * *

"Haven't seen you in a while," the barkeep said, sliding a tumbler and a bottle in front of Bobby.

Bobby reached into his wallet and paid for the bottle right away. He grunted something the bartender's way. He wasn't in any mood to talk. Goren settled in for a long night of staring at the imperfections in the wood in the bar top. It was easier than studying the imperfections in himself.

* * *

She awoke at 6 a.m., and he'd still not returned home. Screw it, she thought, and screw him if he couldn't figure it out by now.

Alex got ready for work and put on her thick skin along with her makeup. She would do her job, and nobody would ever have a clue what was going on in her personal life.

* * *

"And I swear to God, I heard him say something like 'my baby.'" Browning looked to his partner.

"Eames having his baby? C'mon, Browning, that's a stretch, isn't it? And what's his beef with Logan, anyway?"

They paused in their conversation long enough to watch Goren walk by. He looked like hell. He was unshaven, his hair was a mess, and his face was like a poster for exhaustion. He went to his desk, gathered up his binder and a few books, and retreated to an interview room, where he drew the blinds.

"Damn. Maybe you're right." Browning's partner said, pondering. "But then again, Goren comes in like that three times a month, it could be anything."

They paused again as Eames walked by. She looked the same as always. She took up residence at her computer and checked her phone messages while she waited for the computer to start up. She didn't even look for Bobby.

"Trouble in paradise," was all Browning said.

* * *

"Hey," Mike said, and there was a lot more in his eyes than in his words.

"Hi, Mike," Alex said quietly.

"You okay?" He shrugged, "I mean, after all that… yesterday?"

"Yeah. You?"

Another shrug. "Yeah." Mike looked over his shoulder, at Goren's empty desk, and then craned his neck in the direction of the interview room. "Him?"

Alex stiffened. She couldn't talk about Bobby, not here, at work. "I don't know," she admitted, and her eyes pleaded with Mike to drop it.

He seemed to understand. "I… uh, I got a report back on the drive-by. Car was registered to a little old lady in the Bronx."

"Somehow I don't think she was the one shooting at us."

He grinned. "Yeah. Me either."

* * *

"Hey." She stood in the doorway, unwilling to set foot in the room without good reason.

Bobby looked up. He looked like hell.

"Logan got a run on the car. It was 'borrowed' from the granny of one of our suspects. We should… check it out."

Without a word, Bobby packed up his books and closed his binder. He followed her out of the room.

They remained completely silent until they were both closed into the SUV, doors locked, windows up, and seatbelts clicked into place. Eames turned over the engine, but didn't move it out of Park.

"I… I don't know what to say," Bobby offered. He knew she was sick of his apologies, and he knew he shouldn't have stayed away last night.

"I don't, either."

An awkward silence. "Are you… okay?" He asked, earning an exasperated look.

"I guess that depends on what you mean by 'okay.'"

"I mean you, and the baby, you're okay."

"Yeah. I guess so."

"Good. I'm glad for that."

Shaking her head, Alex threw the car into reverse and pulled out of the parking spot. She navigated slowly through the garage and out into the street. "Bobby, I thought we could do it, but I don't know. I don't think this is working. For either of us."

He stared at the dash, wondering how she could concentrate on driving at the same time she broke up with him. Then he bobbed his head in a slow nod as he realized she'd been thinking about it for a long time. "Yeah. I get that."

Her jaw muscle tensed and she held back the painful grimace that was fighting to pass over her face. Alex swallowed hard, and soon, her face was like stone.

"I'll uh, I guess I'll stay with Lewis a while…" Bobby had only just sublet his apartment. It had only been a month, and without Alex, he was homeless.

She turned and her voice was strained, but she managed to say, "you can… take some time to… move… I can stay with Liz… or Johnny…"

"No. You, and the baby, that's your place. I'll be fine, Alex."

On that sentiment, she parked the car. They got out, and quietly headed in the direction of the apartment.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Lewis saw the mustang parked out on the street. _Shit_. All of the reasons Bobby would be at his place at 8:30 on a Tuesday night weren't good ones. He punched in his code and jogged up the stairs, and juggled his keys against the door.

The tv was on. Bobby was sitting up on the couch, watching a game. Lewis came in and helped himself to a slice of pizza from the box. Taking in the empty bottles on the coffee table, Bobby was on his fifth beer. Lewis bent down and pulled a new bottle from the case on the floor, beside Bobby's overnight bag.

"Bobby, what gives?"

"I... Uh... I need a place to stay for a while."

Lewis' first inclination was to say no, to force them back together. "I thought you guys were pulling it together," he said.

"No, uh, Alex... She, uh, called it off."

Lewis sank into the chair and twisted off the cap of his beer. He took a long, slow sip.

"Look, my apartment... Won't be available for a couple of months. I just need a place to stay until... And I can always bunk at the squad if you need the place to yourself."

"Hey brother," Lewis finally said, and then shrugged. "Mi casa es su casa." He opened the box and went for his second piece.

"Thanks, Lewis. I mean, really, thanks."

"So what happened?"

If he hadn't been so tired, he would have started pacing. Bobby scrubbed his face with his free hand. "Oh, you know, I," he scoffed, "I screwed up again."

Lewis studied his friend quietly for a moment. "Screwed up, how?"

"Fuck, you know, I just... I went out and got drunk and didn't come home."

A frown crept across Lewis' face. If Bobby was that upset, there was a reason behind it, and not likely one he would put into words. "You can stay on the couch for now. Maybe this weekend we can find you something more comfortable."

"Thanks, man, thanks."

* * *

Alex found herself staring at his things once again. This time, she was determined. She couldn't live like this. She couldn't raise a child like this. His stuff was everywhere. Ever since he'd sublet his apartment, more and more of his things were in hers. She didn't mind at the time: they were trying to build a life together, after all. But now, they were so intertwined with hers that it was going to take a lot of work to separate it.

_Just like us. _The thought brought forth the sobs she'd been suppressing all day. As she sat on the floor and cried, another thought popped into her head. _It would be easier to just leave it be._

And then another: _Just because it's easy doesn't make it right._ She got to her feet and worked, ignoring her tears. She had to do what was right, for the sake of her child.

* * *

They'd barely laid eyes on each other when the Captain called them into his office. For some reason, Alex had a ball in the pit of her stomach.

Ross was angry. That was clear to both of them. They obediently walked in, and Ross walked around them and shut the door, a little harder than was necessary.

Bobby looked more human than yesterday. He'd managed a few hours sleep. He stood beside Alex, and she could feel his arm as it almost bumped her shoulder. Bobby had his arms folded. Whatever Ross had to say, he was going to give it back as hard as it came. Alex forgot herself a moment, and gave Bobby a pleading look. He'd been in hot water with the Captain before, and every time they locked horns…eventually, she knew, Bobby was the one who would lose.

He noticed the plea in her eyes, and ever so slightly, Bobby's posture softened. His jaw was still set firm, and his arms were still folded, but he relaxed them a bit, and she looked back at her Captain.

"I need an explanation from you two," Ross said. He was discouraged when neither of them seemed surprised. "There are some rumors floating around here that, if true, could have some very serious repercussions."

He noticed Alex stiffen, but again, saw no surprise from either one of them. Ross frowned and leaned against his desk, folding his own arms. "Please tell me it's not true."

"What, sir?" Alex asked.

"That you're having Goren's child."

She immediately looked to Bobby, who never moved a muscle. He stared right through Ross, reminding her of a soldier at attention.

"Well?!" Ross demanded.

Alex sighed. "Yes, sir, it's true."

Ross swore under his breath, in Yiddish. "When exactly were you planning to tell me?"

Again, it fell on Alex to answer. Bobby was like a statue. Some kind of angry statue.

"We didn't want to lose our partnership, sir."

"That's inevitable. You know the department's policy."

"Yes, sir," she whispered.

Ross stared at Goren a moment, trying to figure out exactly what was going on with him. Finally, he spoke again. "Goren, you're now partners with Logan. You're senior. Don't screw it up. Eames, I'll have you with someone by the end of the week."

"What about our current cases?"

"Divvy them up between you, and I want your old paperwork caught up by Friday."

"Yes, sir." Alex was suddenly very tired. The deadline on the paperwork meant she was in for some late nights.

"That's all, get to it," Ross commanded. Alex headed out the door and was surprised when Bobby didn't follow her. She went all the way to the desk before looking back to stare.

"You've got something to say?" Ross asked him.

"Just… Captain, I might be interested in a transfer. I wondered if you knew of anything, you know, coming down the pike."

Ross shut the door again and sat down at his desk. "Goren, as much as you're a pain in my ass, I don't think I want to grant you a transfer right now. If you're having trouble with Eames because of all this, well…"

"So that's it? No transfers."

"Not now."

"I can go over your head."

Ross smiled sadly. "You can. But unless you've got more secrets you're hiding, I don't think the brass would go for it."

Bobby finally let his hands go, and rubbed the back of his neck while he bobbed his head up and down. Angrily, he sauntered out, taking the time to give the Captain's door a slam on the way.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

"I, uh, guess I'm your new partner," Goren announced.

Logan gaped at him. "You."

"Yeah, Ross just told me. I'll, uh, have to close things out with Eames, and then, uh, we're it."

"Unbelievable."

"Yeah, I'm thrilled about it, too." The sarcasm was obvious.

"How's Alex taking it?" Mike asked.

He prickled, and realized he hadn't even thought of that. Bobby turned slowly in her direction. Alex looked sad, but she seemed all right. She was sifting through paperwork, prioritizing.

"She's okay," Goren said, turning back to his new partner. He kicked himself again for not being as sensitive as Logan.

Mike folded his arms. "Well, uh, I guess I'll see you later, partner." Then he turned to head back to his desk. Bobby clearly heard a swear word as the man walked away.

Bobby headed back to his own desk. He paused before sitting down, really wondering if Alex was okay.

"Thanks for the help in there," she growled.

He was quiet a moment, and then he bobbed his head as he spoke. "You're… you're still mad at me."

"Mad doesn't even begin to describe it."

"Look, I didn't want Ross to know, either, Alex. But it's your body, and it was your call, so I let you make the decision."

"You make it sound like you had nothing to do with it. You made me feel like I'm all alone in this."

"Alex! You're twisting my words."

"Thank God you finally said some."

He was really fighting to keep from raising his voice. "What did you want me to do, bully him into giving us what we want?"

"Bobby, we don't even know what we want."

"I do."

"What?!"

"I know what I want. But no matter what I do, or how hard I try, I just keep fucking it up."

She sighed, shaking her head angrily. "What's done is done. Let's just move on, shall we?"

There was a deep pain in his eyes as he bottled up the rest of his emotions. Bobby got to his feet and hurried down the hall, in the direction of the elevators. He jabbed the button hard and closed his eyes as the anger welled up in him. Bobby rode all the way down to the parking garage. As the doors opened, he saw a group of them, lingering by a support beam. Bobby walked forward, easing his way into the group.

They grunted their greetings, collars turned up against the cold, but willing to brace it for a short escape from the hassles of their jobs.

"Can I… bum one off you?" He asked quietly, and the man shook a cigarette out of the pack. Bobby accepted a light from one of the others and inhaled deeply, relishing the taste and the burn as the smoke filled his lungs.

Bobby hung at the edge of the group, neither in nor out of their conversation. He felt the cold creep through the fabric of his clothes, and still he remained, until the cigarette was down to the butt. He turned and headed back for the elevator, pausing to bury what was left of it in the sand on the top of the trash can.

He reeked of smoke when he came back, and it turned Alex's stomach. He didn't look at her, only sat down and started sorting through his paperwork. She took a walk to the break room. Usually smoke didn't bother her, but her pregnancy was making her sense of smell more prominent. The fact that the smoke was on Bobby gave her a sense of guilt, and the guilt pissed her off. She got herself a bottle of water and gave herself a mental pep-talk.

When she returned, he spoke to her of the cases, and they decided who would take which. They both took a lot of breaks throughout the day, him to smoke, and her to escape it. By lunch Bobby had his own pack, and Alex was angry to her core.

* * *

Bobby stood on Lewis' tiny balcony, his hands firmly planted against the short safety wall and a cigarette hanging from his lips. His winter coat was inside. Lewis grabbed it in one hand and carried it out to him.

"Hey," he said, handing over the coat.

Bobby took a draw off his cigarette before taking the coat and slipping it on. "Thanks," he muttered around the foreign object in his mouth.

"Tough day, huh?"

He nodded and looked away, but said nothing.

"Is she talking to you?"

"Sure, yeah, you know… we work together." _For now, _Bobby thought to himself, and the anger and disappointment swelled up inside him again. He took a long draw, blowing the smoke out over the City.

Lewis zipped his coat up. "It's cold out here."

"Yeah," Bobby agreed. The wind kicked up, blowing his hair flat against the side of his head. He turned his back to the wind and swiped the back of his hand against his nose. "The Captain… split us up," he confessed.

"Split you… you're not partners anymore?"

Bobby shook his head and drew off the cigarette again. "Once the bookkeeping is done, you know… that's it."

"Aw, Geez, Bobby… I'm sorry."

The big man shrugged. "It was bound to happen… you know, the baby."

Lewis made a mental snapshot of his friend: the weariness, the smoking, the shivering. "Are you still seeing that therapist?"

Bobby scoffed. "Why?"

He was quiet a moment. "Look at yourself, Bobby. The drinking, the smoking. It's like you don't care about anything anymore."

Bobby took a deep breath and coughed quietly. "What should I care about, Lewis? Nothing matters, anyway."

"Your baby matters."

Lewis' words hit him hard. He turned away, replacing his hands on the wall.

"That's the thing, isn't it? You can give up on the relationship, the job, the partnership, yourself… but you can't give up on that kid, Bobby. Your kid's got the chance to have the life you never could."

"Alex can give him that."

"She can't give him his father. Who do you want him to know as his father, Bobby? A fucked up mess of a man?"

Bobby's reaction was impossible to gauge. He was very still, and kept his back to Lewis. Finally, after another blast of wind, Lewis shivered. "Come back inside, Bobby. It's fucking cold out here."


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

"Let me ask you… how am I supposed to be so dedicated to one person? How do I do that, and still do my job, and keep friends, and be true to myself?"

Dr. Tenorio sat quietly, giving him time to think about what he had just said.

"I know what you're going to say. That I'm selfish. That I can't do it because I'm so… focused on my own needs, my own… wants." Bobby paced the floor twice and folded his arms. "I have to take care of myself! I'm the only one who ever has!"

"How's that working for you?" she said quietly.

His face blistered with anger. He raised one hand to his whiskers, and then he smiled. "I'm still here. I didn't go crazy and end up in Carmel Ridge like my mother or go through job after job like my father. I didn't end up on drugs or homeless like my brother. With every… lousy… thing that's ever happened to me… I didn't take the easy way out." He folded his arms again, as if he was hugging himself. Bobby's feet were planted and he spoke like a surly child. "I'm. Still. Here."

She gave the words a moment to fill the room before she spoke. "You're proud of what you've overcome," she said.

"Damn right I'm proud!" He shouted, jabbing his finger in the air to accent what he said. He paced furiously again. "God knows nobody else was."

* * *

Alex rang the doorbell and held her coat close to her body. Within seconds, the door swung open, and her brother's easy smile was there to greet her. "Hey, sis."

Alex came inside and gave him a hug, and to be honest, it was a little harder and a little longer than usual. He helped her remove her coat and hung it on a peg by the door. "Mel's picking up the kids from all the extracurriculars. They'll be home in a while. I'm fixing dinner. You want to help?"

"That depends. Will I be blamed when nobody likes it?" she joked.

He gave her a poke in the ribs. "I'll buffer you." They walked together to the kitchen, and he asked her to chop the vegetables while he worked on the meatloaf.

"I'm sorry about Bobby, Alex."

"Thanks."

"And I know you're not okay, so I'm not going to ask that. But I really want to know how you're doing. I mean you can talk to me, that's all."

"Thanks, Johnny."

"You're starting to show a little bit," he commented.

Alex smiled. "Yeah."

"How's the baby coming along?"

"Good. Last visit was good. The Doctor's not worried."

"All that dizziness stopped?"

"Yeah, I just have to eat more often."

"If you need any help around your place, you know…"

"I know, Johnny." They were quiet while he checked the measurements on the ingredients he needed and dug into the bowl with both hands to mix it all together.

"How big do you want this onion?" she asked.

"Just dice it. We can put some in the meatloaf and use the rest for salad or whatever."

As she cut into the onion, she teared up. Alex sniffled and wiped her eyes on her shoulders as best she could, and never stopped.

He looked over at her, the question on his face.

"It's okay. It's just, you know, the onion." She kept working, and soon she was ready to talk. "He got mad at me… for doing my job," she said.

"How's that?" Johnny asked.

She wiped her eyes again. "He was off doing research, and I needed to interview some people near the crime scene. So I grabbed Logan and went out."

"And Bobby got upset?"

"He doesn't like Logan much."

"Oh."

"And it didn't help that we got shot at while we were out."

"Jesus, Alex! That's kind of an important detail, don't you think?"

She finished with the onion and washed her hands in the sink. Then she grabbed a tea towel and dried her eyes, clearing her throat. "Then he got mad about it and stayed out all night without even a call or anything." She shook her head. "Johnny, I was just doing my job!"

"Maybe it scared him. He's worried, you know? About you and the baby. I know I'm worried, now."

"Don't be. I can do my job, Johnny. Besides, I had Logan with me. It wasn't like I ran off half-cocked!"

"Still, you got shot at. Logan couldn't keep that from happening."

"Bobby couldn't have, either. If he'd been there, nothing would have been any different."

"But he would have been there."

"Are you taking his side?!" She demanded, the anger rising in her voice.

"No, but… I like Bobby, Alex. And I guess I can kind of see his side of things."

"Because you're a guy."

"Because I'm a guy and I love you, sis."

"Then he disappeared and I didn't see him until work the next day!"

Johnny shrugged. "You know him better than I do. I guess you know what that was all about." Johnny molded the meatloaf into the pan and stuck it in the oven, setting the timer. Then he washed his hands. "So that was it, then? You broke up with him?"

"Johnny, I can't raise a baby wondering if he's going to disappear every time he's upset."

"I thought he was in counseling or something."

"It's not working."

He nodded, put his arm around her shoulders, and dropped a kiss on her cheek. "Well, we're here for you, sis. Anything you need."

* * *

Bobby stood on Lewis' balcony, a fresh smoke in between his fingers. He looked over the lights of the City as a light snow started to fall and thought about the meaning of self-sabotage.

Again, it all boiled down to change. To get the life he wanted, with Alex or anyone else, he had to change. After a whole lifetime of surviving, Bobby wasn't sure he could change.

* * *

A/N I know you all are having problems with this story's Bobby, but I have to admit I'm having fun writing it. I hope it's as entertaining for you to read it! Reviews are appreciated!


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Bobby and Mike paced down the sidewalk together. They'd already had several standoffs in their first few hours as partners: over who would make the calls, who would drive the car, and who would lead the interviews. At this point, the only resolution was for Bobby to pull the Senior Partner trump card, and he didn't want to overdo it.

When Logan first came to the squad, Goren thought he was all right, but now, with all that had transpired between him and Alex, he didn't like him much. He certainly didn't trust him. It was a poor foundation for a partnership.

Still and all, he was glad Logan hadn't been partnered with Alex. Maybe it was just the jealousy rearing up again, but Bobby knew Logan's history. He slept with Barek and Wheeler, and given the chance, he was sure he would pursue Alex.

They both reached for the door at the same time, and then pulled back. Bobby threw his hands up in the air and shook his head. "Go ahead, go ahead."

Mike yanked the door open and they walked in. They flashed their badges and asked for the owner. While they waited for him to come up from the back, Bobby snooped. He leaned hard over the counter and took a mental inventory of what he saw. He stood straight just as the young woman appeared with her boss.

They took turns shaking his hand and Logan began the questioning. Bobby's focus appeared to drift as they spoke, and he took a few steps away from the conversation, running his fingers along the shelves. Bobby picked up a small bottle from the shelf. "You're supposed to… just pour this in your gas tank, right?"

The shopowner nodded.

"I didn't think people used this stuff anymore, with all the new additives in the gasoline at the station…"

"It's not that popular, but I still keep it on the shelf."

Goren put it back, and studied the other items on the shelf. Finally, Logan wrapped up the interview and they walked out together.

Logan honestly didn't know what to think. In his mind, Goren had done nothing to add to the interview, nor to help it. If anything, he'd made the guy uncomfortable and less likely to talk.

"The CSU report," Goren explained quietly. "They picked up jet fuel at the crime scene. We've been thinking we need a connection to the airport. But that fuel injector cleaner, jet fuel's an ingredient."

"We've been barking up the wrong tree," Logan muttered, suddenly assured that Bobby's time in the interview wasn't a waste.

* * *

She wasn't in the squad room when they returned, and Bobby couldn't help but scan the room every few minutes, looking for her. He tried to lose himself in the case. He was researching gasoline additives, trying to find an exact match to the mixture the CSU team reported they found. If he could identify the type, they might be able to track it down to a specific store, which could lead them to their perp.

But he was distracted. He told himself that Alex could take care of herself. He knew she could, he'd been her partner for years and seen it firsthand. But he also knew she was carrying a baby, and he wanted desperately to be there to protect her, to protect their child.

He and Logan had another standoff trying to push the elevator button. Again, Bobby backed off. At least Logan didn't seem as bullish about it now. The doors opened, revealing Alex inside.

Bobby couldn't move. His brown eyes searched hers, and he found himself speechless.

Alex swallowed hard and mumbled his name as she brushed past him back to the squad room.

"Goren, you coming?" Logan asked, holding the elevator door open with his hand.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah." Bobby was jittery as he walked into the elevator. He took a deep breath and sighed, trying to calm his nerves.

"Things seem… pretty tense between you two," Logan observed.

Bobby's anger flared. "That's none of your damn business," he snarled.

"No, Goren," Mike said, drawing closer, "when you're my partner, it is my damn business. I could care less if you're together or not, so long as you've got my back when I need you."

The doors opened and Logan stepped out. Bobby's distaste for him was strong, and although he knew as Logan's partner he would do what he had to, he couldn't say the words. He couldn't make the man any promises. He smacked his hand against the sheet metal wall before he followed Logan out.

* * *

Alex had been doing paperwork for three solid hours. Her butt was falling asleep, her back was starting to hurt, and she was sick of the protein bars she'd been eating to stave off the dizzy spells. She kicked the chair away from the desk and stood up, pressing her hands against the small of her back.

She stretched as best as she could manage and paced a little circle to get her blood flowing again. Fortunately, she hadn't seen him much today. Even with her new resolve that it had all been a mistake and the best course of action was the one they were currently on, she couldn't deny the intensity of her love for him.

That look in his eyes, at the elevator today… Alex felt like she'd been knifed in the heart. She sighed. This was going to take a long time to get over.

Suddenly, he was standing before her. He smelled like smoke, and she raised her hand to her mouth and nose, trying to mask it.

"Uhm, hi," he said quietly, shifting his weight nervously from one foot to the other.

She dropped her hand for a moment. "Bobby," she replied in a raspy voice. They stared at each other.

"I, uh… I was going to empty out my desk… move the stuff over there," he explained, jerking his head.

"Oh. Okay."

"Alex?" he said urgently, then stepped back. "Uh… are you… you and the baby are all right?"

Tears welled in her eyes. She couldn't speak, so she simply nodded.

"Look, I know… I know you don't want… and I know it seems like… but if you need anything, Alex, I… I want you to come to me."

She nodded and a tear slipped down her cheek. She wiped it away angrily. "For the baby," she whispered.

"Yeah. For the baby," he agreed. He dropped the cardboard pack of cigarettes on the desktop, then opened a desk drawer and started grabbing things inside.

"Bobby?" she said, halting him. He glanced over at her. Alex lightly touched his pack of cigarettes with her fingers. _Please don't fall apart._ "Never mind." She headed for the breakroom then, to give herself some space to recover.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

"Why didn't you call me?" Liz demanded as she let herself in.

Alex bristled. "I already knew what you'd say."

Liz's expression fell. "Oh, Alex, is that what you think? I must have really hurt you the last time."

Alex was still wary. The bottom line was that Liz had never liked Bobby much and could only be happy that things hadn't worked out.

"I just think I shouldn't have to find out things like this from Johnny."

"I would have told you, Liz. When I was ready."

"When you were ready, huh? Well, I guess I just have to live with that, don't I Alex?" She tossed her coat over the back of a chair and sat down on the couch, like she owned the place. "You do know that all this stress isn't good for the baby?"

"The baby's fine."

"So says you."

"I go back to the doctor on the 6th. I'm sure I'll get a good report."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

Truth be told, Alex didn't want to go alone. She didn't want to ask Bobby, not with things in their current state. She was supposed to get the amnio test done. If the results weren't good… she didn't want to be with Liz, either.

"Alex? Do you want me to go with you?"

"N-no. Thanks, Liz. I'll be fine."

"You'll call me? Afterward?"

Alex sighed and gave a little nod. "Sure."

* * *

Their first week together was wrapping up, and overall, it hadn't gone well. They had worked out a few kinks, but when it came down to driving the case, Logan very rarely agreed with Bobby's logic. Logan didn't trust profilers. Goren didn't trust Logan.

Now they were at an impass about how to approach interrogation of the suspects. They stood together in the observation room, and Logan laid out his concerns. "You're not gonna get a damn thing from him that way. Your empathy will do nothing for this guy except give him a chance to yank your chain while the real perp digs down deeper until we miss our chance to snag him!"

"You're not gonna be able to bully the truth out of this one, Logan. He's got a rap sheet as long as my arm, and if the price is right, he won't mind another stint in prison." Goren folded his arms. "We're doing it my way," he said, ready to pull rank if he had to.

"This is never going to work. You're so fucking stubborn and… did you railroad Eames like this, too? Geez, she's better off without you."

The punch came out of nowhere, surprising them both. Mike managed to block the next three, before their coworkers rushed in and pulled them apart.

Bobby was red-faced and screaming at him. "Don't you ever bring her into this again! Don't ever! I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!"

Mike almost broke free of the men restraining him. Ross hurried in, a look of fury on his face. "Goren, come with me," he seethed.

Bobby shook the hands off of him and swaggered out, following the Captain.

Ross kept his hand firm on the doorknob and managed not to slam it shut. "You start explaining."

"It's not gonna work, me & Logan, Captain. He doesn't understand."

"He doesn't understand? Or you don't?"

Bobby took a breath and tried again. "We had a… difference of opinion about interrogation tactics."

"And this is how you resolve that? With fists?"

Bobby looked away and rolled his eyes, his hands clenching into fists.

"You're on leave, Goren. Until I get to the bottom of this."

"Sir, just give me a transfer and… I'll be out of your hair."

"Go home, Goren. I'll call you in when I'm ready to discuss this with you."

Bobby was still angry, and his pace proved it. He grabbed his binder without a look at anyone in the squad room. He glanced in the direction of Alex's desk, but it was empty. She'd never returned from lunch today.

He had the cigarette in his mouth, albeit unlit, before he even left the building. Bobby paced in the cold garage, smoking it down to a nub in record time. He snuffed out the butt and dropped into the driver's seat of his car, slamming the door shut.

He pulled out of the space with a loud squeal of his tires.

* * *

"What happened to you?"

"This? Nothing," Mike said, pointing to the bruise on his jaw and then shrugging.

"Uh, thanks for meeting me here," Alex said. "I know this isn't really…"

"Alex, it's okay. I told you before, if you need anything…"

"Still, I feel… weird about it."

"What do you want me to do?" he asked, an honest question. "You want me to go in with you?"

"No. Just wait out here. I just… they're going to do amnio, and if it's not good, I won't want to be alone after."

"Sure, Alex." Mike gave her a smile. "I'll wait here for you."

* * *

Bobby left her another message. "Alex, I know we're not exactly talking, but… I know it's almost time for that amniocentesis and I… please let me know… I'd like to go to the appointment with you, if I could… but… anyway, please let me know."

He hung up and raked his fingers through his hair. He'd just gotten it cut, and it felt strange for them to slide through so easily without getting caught in tangles of curls. He did it twice more, and then walked back down the street, in the direction of Lewis' garage.

* * *

Logan read everything in the waiting room. By the time Alex came back, two hours later, he felt like an expert on pregnancy, birthing, and parenting. He'd also read the only, well-worn, copy of sports illustrated in the office.

She looked worried.

"Everything okay?" he asked, concerned.

"Yeah. Turns out I don't get the results for two weeks. But I'm glad you're here. They said I would need a ride home."

"You got it," he said, and helped her put on her coat.

* * *

"You're off early," Lewis said.

"Actually, I'm on leave," Bobby explained. "I thought, you know, since I don't have anything on the agenda, I could give you a hand around here."

Lewis gave him a crooked smile. "Suit up, big guy. I've got a barracuda to work on this afternoon. You can do all the dirty work."

Bobby grinned, and grabbed a large pair of coveralls off the rack on the wall. The two men worked a long time on the car. Finally, Lewis broached the subject. "I thought you didn't have any leave."

"Uh, yeah. That's right." They worked a little longer, talked about the car. "I got upset with Logan… gave him a left hook."

The wrench slipped and landed on Lewis' shoulder. Without a word, he grabbed it and continued working. "Damn, Bobby. So what happens next?"

"Anything from a note in my file to a suspension to a trip to the unemployment line." For a moment, the ratcheting of Lewis' wrench filled their ears. "It's okay. I'll come out all right. I always do."

_But it takes a piece of you every time._ Lewis finished with the wrench and rolled out from under the car. He got to his feet, and gave his friend a once-over. Bobby was looking old. "Okay, let's replace the oil and turn her over," he said, clapping Bobby on the shoulder.

* * *

Mike had stayed a while, helping her with some household chores before he headed on his way. She was grateful for the help, but she was tired and sore and feeling down. Alex had already laid down when she remembered she'd turned her phone off at the Doctor's office.

She got up and retrieved it from her purse. She had missed calls. A lot of them. Alex pulled up the list and her heart froze when she saw they were all from Bobby. She also had a message.

_Alex, I know we're not exactly talking, but… I know it's almost time for that amniocentesis and I… please let me know… I'd like to go to the appointment with you, if I could… but… anyway, please let me know._

Alex hugged erased the message and hugged herself. With some trepidation, she called Bobby.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

"Hello?" he said, snatching up the phone on the first ring.

"Hi, Bobby."

"Oh, hello, Alex."

"I… I got your message." He was very quiet. "Look, the appointment was today. I didn't get your message until later, I'm sorry."

"It's- it's okay. How did it go?"

"I have to-" Alex corrected herself. "We have to wait two weeks for the results."

"Okay. But how did it go? How are you?"

She could hear the real concern in his voice. "I'm good, Bobby. Just a little sore."

"And the baby?"

"They gave me warning signs to look for, but… afterward, they let me hear the baby's heartbeat again. Everything looks okay."

"Well. Well, that's good. Do… do you need anything?"

Her breath caught in her throat. "I just need to rest," she finally said.

"Okay. Alex?" he asked.

"Yeah, Bobby?"

_I love you._ It was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't say it. It wasn't allowed, now. "Take care," he said. "If you need something, you know…"

"I know, Bobby. Thanks."

* * *

Monday morning, Bobby was called into the Captain's office. Bobby was surprised to find Logan standing there, as well.

"Have a seat, Goren," Ross commanded.

For once, Bobby did as he was told, though he sat at full attention, nervously smoothing his tie down with his hand.

"I've looked into the matter, and… based on Logan's word, here, I've decided to let it go with a verbal warning."

Bobby was stunned.

"You two were forced into a partnership, and I can see it's going to take some time to make the adjustment; to learn to trust each other. My advice to both of you is this: when you find yourselves at odds, stick your hands in your pockets. I don't need any more rumors flying around the department about my squad." He nodded at Logan, who calmly left the room.

Bobby got to his feet and was at the door when Ross called him back. "Goren?"

Bobby closed the door and turned around. "Yes sir?"  
"I hope you realize what I've just done for you. If it happens again, my hands are tied."

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."

Ross nodded at him, and Bobby left the room.

* * *

"You're smoking, now."

He nodded. "Yeah. I guess it's better than drinking."

"I suppose if you think cancer's better than cirrhosis."

He grimaced, but took her remark without getting angry. "I… uh… I guess I'm still self-sabotaging."

"Why do you say that?" Dr. Tenorio flipped her pen over and over in her hand.

Bobby chuckled softly. "The smoking… I uh… I got in a little trouble on the job…"

"Oh?"

"Things aren't going so well with my new partner."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah. Of course you are."

She ignored his comment. "What happened?"

Bobby told the story of the fight with Logan, and Tenorio scratched a few notes.

"I talked to her, though. A few times," Bobby offered.

"That's good. What about?"

"Uhm… parenting… issues."

"That will be important for you over time, especially if you remain estranged."

"Doctor, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Robert."

"D-….Do you think I can do it? Change… all these bad… habits…?"

She smiled, a real, encouraging smile. "I think you can do whatever you set your mind to."

* * *

She wasn't sure when the weather had started warming, but all of a sudden, instead of gray skies bringing snow, it seemed they were always bringing sleet or rain. Alex started in to her old routine again, only instead of running, she was walking in the mornings. Of course the route wasn't as far as her running circuit, but she was exercising, and this made Alex much happier.

She finished her walk and stopped at the coffee bar, where she ordered an herbal tea and headed into the building.

On this morning, she met Bobby in the elevator. To her surprise, he didn't seem blanketed in smoke. She smiled at him.

"Good morning, Eames," he said politely, for the benefit of the others in the car. The timbre of his voice communicated the special regard he had for her.

"Bobby."

"I heard they found you a partner."

"Yeah, young kid named Palmer."

"Detective Palmer."

"No, Palmer's his first name. It's Detective Manschweitz."

Bobby grinned, and she pined when she saw the sparkle in his eye. "You'll train him well, I have no doubt," he said.

"You and Logan doing okay?" The story of the fight had finally made its rounds to her.

"Yeah. You know, he's not so bad."

"You're not either," she said as the doors opened. She was gone before he could respond.

* * *

"Bobby?" She said, and he could hear the tears in her voice.

"Alex, what's wrong?" He asked urgently.

"I… I got the results."

Bobby's heart sank. It must have been bad.

"She's okay."

"Wh-what?"

"The baby, she's okay." Alex was crying, but they were tears of relief.

Bobby grinned. "She?" he asked.

"Yeah, Bobby. We're having a little girl."

"A girl!" he shouted. "And she's okay?!"

"Yes, all the chromosomes are just as they should be."

He couldn't stop smiling. "That's… that's fantastic, Alex. Fantastic."

"Do you want to… come over? You can see the report."

"You… you want me to?"

Alex was quiet for a long time. "Yes, Bobby. I think I want you to.

"I'll… I'll be right there." He hung up the phone and grabbed his things. 40 minutes later, he was at her door. He fingered the key in his pocket; she'd never yet asked for it back. Bobby timidly knocked on the door. After a moment, she pulled it open.

Her eyes were red from crying, but her cheeks were rosy and she had a bright smile on her face. Bobby smiled, too. She held her hand out for his, and then she reeled him in and wrapped her arms around him.

Bobby felt her belly pressing against his; she'd grown much bigger since the last time he'd held her close. He closed his eyes and gave his full, undivided attention to the warmth of her body against his.

* * *

A/N Please keep the reviews coming!


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

It was an intense reunion. Their first embrace had led to gentle caresses, which led to making love. In the comforting calm afterward, they lay with their heads together, staring at the ceiling and baring their hearts.

"You're still seeing Tenorio?" Alex asked in surprise, simultaneously giving his hand a squeeze.

Bobby nodded, and heard her hair scratching against his. "I've been a couple or three times since… since the break up."

She squeezed his hand again, processing the importance of it.

"She says I self-sabotage my relationships. It's… something I… I'm working on." He felt her hand tighten on his again, and he was pleased. "I… I love you, Alex. And… and I don't want to screw this up… I mean that."

"It's been so hard for me, Bobby."

"I know that and I'm sorry."

"No, I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about me. I… I convinced myself that I shouldn't love you… but Bobby, I do. All those times… in the squad room, or the elevator… I know we're not perfect, Bobby, you or me… but I can't pretend that I don't care."

"So… where do we stand now?" he asked.

Her heart started pounding. "I don't know," she said.

"I love you, Alex, but if you don't want to… I'll understand."

"Bobby, I love you, too. It's just that… we're so… bad at this." She could feel his muscles tense as he waited for her to answer his question. "I love you, Bobby… and I want to… but I'm not sure we can… at least maybe not yet."

"So, what, maybe we… just… date? Not live together?"

"Yeah, maybe that. Maybe that would… give us time…"

"Time to… to change."

"Maybe we'll learn." She turned to her side and looked into his eyes. "Is that okay? Can we take a step back, before we jump in again?"

He turned to his side, too, and held his hand to her cheek. "I think… we can do… whatever we want… and if it means we'll be together, we should do it." He kissed her gently. "I love you, Alex. I… I don't want to live without you."

"I love you, too, Bobby." She kissed him. "I don't want to do this alone." They kissed over and over, whispering promises in the spaces between.

* * *

Everyone noticed the ease with which they walked into the squad room. They didn't touch, they didn't kiss, they barely spoke, but the look they shared was as clear a message as any other.

Bobby turned from her and walked to his desk, setting the binder down and getting it ready for the day. Logan walked back from the printer, curiosity burning in him.

He sat down and tapped a pencil against his desk, waiting for some kind of confession from his partner.

Bobby looked up. "What?"

"Looks like you've got good news."

"No. No news."

"But you and Eames-"

"Mike, you really don't want to go there, do you?" Goren warned.

Logan held his hands up in resignation. "Fine, all right. For what it's worth, I'm glad. That's all I'm going to say about it."

Bobby didn't reply, only started working the case.

* * *

"We're back together," Bobby announced cheerfully as he served Lewis a big bowl of chili.

"That's great, Bobby!" Lewis tasted the chili and grinned. He and Bobby had been trying to out-spice each other for years. From one taste, the tip of his tongue was numb. He grabbed a beer and sat down with his bowl at the table. "Forgive me for asking," Lewis said, "But why are you still here?"

"We're… we're not jumping back in… we're dating."

"Oh, the old, rewind, slow mo thing. Of course, I'll bet last night wasn't slow mo."

Bobby found himself speechless. He slowly stirred his bowl of chili as he thought about the night before. "No, I guess it wasn't… but last night was… it was…"

"Forget it Bobby, you don't have to tell me anything. Keep it between you and Alex."

Bobby nodded, but he was smiling, still lost in the memory of the night before.

* * *

"I'm Detective Eames, this is Detective Manschweitz."

The woman shook both of their hands. "You're pregnant," she observed.

"Yes," Alex said.

"How far?"

"Almost six months."

"A summer baby."

"Yes, sometime in June, we think."

They settled in to interview her. "Mrs. Arnold, we wanted to ask you some questions about your nephew." Palmer was taking the lead on this one.

"I… I don't want to talk about him."

"I know it's difficult, but we need to clarify a few things."

Alex tried to throw him a look, but he was completely focused on the woman in front of him.

"That boy took everything he could get his hands on. He was no good to me, or to my dear husband. He's dead to me."

"Frankly, Mrs. Arnold, without your input, we may not be able to hold him."

Again, Alex tried in vain to get her junior partner's attention. She got up and wandered the room, and pulled a picture of the Arnolds off a bookshelf. "Is this your husband?" She asked suddenly, interrupting Palmer.

"Yes," Mrs. Arnold said.

"He was very handsome," Alex said. "You made a beautiful couple."

"Thank you," the woman said.

"I'll bet it's very hard without him." As she said it, she rubbed her swollen belly.

"Are you alone?" Mrs. Arnold asked.

Alex smiled. "There have been times," she admitted. "Things with us are very… rocky."

"Marriage is a difficult thing," the older woman said. "My husband and I, we agreed early on that we would never go to bed angry."

Alex smiled.

"Sometimes one of us stayed up all night, but we stuck to it!" She laughed, and Alex laughed with her.

"I'll keep that in mind," Alex said.

"You love him?" she asked, and Alex nodded. "And he loves you, and you only?" Again, she nodded. "You will be fine."

"Thank you, Mrs. Arnold." Alex made as if she was very tired.

"You need to put your feet up." She helped Alex back to the couch and scooted the coffee table close so she could elevate her feet. "We have three children. Oh! I loved the babies, but I hated to be pregnant!"

"You raised three? Here?"

Mrs. Arnold nodded.

"And your nephew, too?" Alex asked.

The woman smiled sadly. "He was ten years old when he moved in with us. God help me, but I tried everything to save that child. He was already a devil."

They completed the interview and with Alex's rapport, were able to get everything they needed. Palmer took special care to escort Alex out of the house. She shook him off as soon as they were out of Mrs. Arnold's view.

"How did you know?"

Alex shrugged. "Experience. Look, Palmer, I don't expect you to do that at every interview, but I do expect you to check in with me while we're with someone. I was sending signals out to dead air."

"Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Alex said. "It'll get better with time."


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Bobby was in a dark, dark mood. Logan had just let it slip that he'd been with her the day she had the amnio, and Bobby was consumed with jealousy and guilt.

He knew he couldn't speak to Alex about it. They were on the rocks at the time, and from her perspective, it was nothing. Asking a friend for support.

He knew the emotions roiling in him were all his own. His demons, trained well, over years of failed relationships. He wouldn't burden her with it. He would deal with it himself.

"You're still pissed," Logan commented, as he threw a foil-wrapped burrito in Bobby's lap. Logan handed the man a soda and shut the car door. They were on a stake out, and Logan had volunteered to make the dinner run to the nearest food truck.

Bobby shrugged and carefully unwrapped his burrito. "Logan, I'm doing my best here. Don't push me."

"I can't see what you've got to be pissed about, that's all. All I did was read a million birthing magazines and drive her home. I swear to God!"

Bobby's lips started to form words, but then he closed his mouth tight and nodded. "It would be best to change the subject," he finally said.

"Hmff." Mike grunted. "Green chile and chicken. Pretty damn good."

Bobby grunted in agreement and nodded his head.

* * *

Alex and Palmer were on the porch, behind the uniforms. At Alex's nod, they pounded on the door and identified themselves. The door didn't open, but there was a crash from inside the house. Alex and Palmer both drew their weapons and backed away from the door, searching the windows for movement.

Alex moved to the left and then started through the narrow side yard towards the back. Palmer did the opposite, while the uniforms brought in the battering ram and busted the door in.

"Over here!" Eames called out, just before they heard glass breaking. One group of officers raced in pursuit while the closest tended to Alex. Palmer was at the tail end of the group. He joined Alex, who was sitting up, leaning against the wall of the house, one hand holding a bandage to her arm while the uniformed officer held one against her head.

"God, Eames, are you all right?" Palmer asked.

"Yeah," she said, careful not to move her head and interfere with the pressure to stop the bleeding there.

"I'll call a bus," he said, and took the other officer's radio.

* * *

Goren was on a bathroom break when the call came over the radio. Mike recognized Manschweitz's voice, and he dialed his cell phone quickly. "What the hell, Captain?"

"We don't know anything yet. I'm trying to reach Eames and Manschweitz now."

"But you're not. You're not reaching them."

Ross sighed. "Where's Goren?"

"He's in the john. He didn't hear the call."

"Don't enlighten him. I'll call him myself if need be."

"Captain, he's already in a mood."

"Logan, I gave you an order."

Logan frowned. "Yes, sir."

Bobby came back to the car as he ended the call. "What was that? See something?"

"No. Just checking in."

* * *

Palmer was beside himself with guilt. He paced between the room and the Captain until Ross finally sent him home.

They had to stay out of the room. They called it a "nonstress test" and had monitors all over her, measuring her heart rate and the baby's. She was supposed to stay as calm as possible, so they all had to keep out.

Alex was having a hard time staying calm, though. She was worried about Bobby finding out. Just like the day she'd been shot at, she worried he would be angry and overreact. And then she worried that he would take it out on Palmer.

The nurse came in and read the ticker tape that was spewing out of the machine. "Are you relaxing?" She asked her. Alex tried very hard to calm herself. She tuned out the noise of the machine and tried to turn her attention to the documentary that was on tv. She took a breath and closed her eyes, and the thoughts started racing again.

* * *

Goren's phone rang. He read the ID and looked at Logan. "It's Ross," he said.

Mike seemed to turn a little pale.

Goren didn't process the man's facial expression right away. "Goren," he answered, and as he listened, another part of his brain put two and two together. "Captain, I need to get over there."

"I don't want to call it off. You told me yourself there would be action tonight."

"Logan… Logan can take over."

"You know procedures. You can't leave until I get someone there to relieve you. She's okay, Goren, there's no need to panic about this. Sit tight, I'll get someone there as soon as I can."

Bobby ended the call and turned to glare at Logan. "Checking in, my ass."

"I heard the call on the radio."

"Tell me. Every Goddamn word."

"Manschweitz. Officer Down. And he gave the address for the bus."

"And you didn't fucking tell me about it?!" He roared.

"The Captain told me not to, Bobby."

Bobby grabbed the steering wheel with both hands until his knuckles turned white. In fact, he was trying to pull the steering wheel right off its mount.

"I'm sorry, Bobby. Is she all right?"

He kept his voice very low. "He said she is," he waggled his head a little as he spoke. "But she's in the fucking hospital, Logan. Why would they admit her if she's fucking all right?"

Logan frowned.

"Forty-eight minutes. It's been forty-eight minutes, and they say she's all right, but they admitted her. It's got to be the baby. Something's wrong with my baby."

* * *

Alex was lying on her side, watching a sitcom. She felt fine, and other than a couple of stitches, she was no worse for wear. They had insisted on admitting her, all on the basis of the failed nonstress test.

Once she was out of the ER, the readings looked slightly better. They disconnected everything and told her they would try again later.

So now, she was stuck in a hospital room, feeling fine and wishing she were home.

"Alex?"

She turned and saw the panic in his eyes. "Is the baby all right?"

She reached out for Bobby's hand, and placed it against her belly. "I think so, but they want me to pass a test first."

Bobby used his free hand to trace carefully around her bandages. "You're hurt."

"Just a couple of cuts, it's nothing, really. I'm sorry, Bobby."

"What… what are you sorry about?"

"Just this… worrying you. I feel fine, really. I have half a mind to walk out AMA."

"Don't. Don't do that." His hand was against her womb again.

"I'm not, Bobby. I just think it's unnecessary, that's all."

The relief he should have felt wasn't manifesting itself. Bobby remained tense, and as he glanced around the room, she could see by the way he held his lips that he was angry.

"Bobby?"

He turned his face toward her.

"Don't leave me tonight. Please?"

He took her hands in his and dropped down to kiss her cheek. "I… I won't," he said.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

To his surprise, he found that quietly sitting with Alex diffused his anger. While he still felt restless, it was only excess energy, and not a bomb waiting to go off. Bobby alternately paced the room or sat beside her. Because of her request, he tried to spend more time doing the latter.

She dozed a little and watched tv. They brought her a dinner, and Bobby ate her scraps. Now he sat beside her, holding her hand, while the machine took its stress readings. Although it was hard for him to sit still, he anchored himself to her hand, and when she looked at him, he smiled.

"Okay," the nurse announced, as she turned off the device. "I'll get these off you, and the doctor will come around later to interpret them and read them for you."

"Okay," Alex said. She held still while the nurse pulled off the sticky leads and soon, she was free again. The nurse left, and Alex turned to Bobby. "I think it was better this time," she said.

He squeezed her hand and kissed her, then he offered a caress for the baby.

"Bobby?"

He turned to her, the hint of a smile still on his face.

"Are you okay now?" She asked, not because she couldn't see the change in his demeanor, but because he was so good at burying his feelings.

"Yeah," he answered, sitting down beside her once more. "All this time I've been… running away… I guess all I really needed was to be with you."

She reached for him and they managed the best embrace they could, given the confines of the hospital bed.

* * *

Alex was sleeping, and Bobby was pacing the dimly lit room. His phone rang, shattering the silence. Quickly, he tapped the button and put it to his ear. "Goren," he said quietly.

"How's Alex?" Logan asked.

"She's fine. They redid the nonstress test, and the Doctor said the baby's fine, too."

"Good."

"Yeah."

"We got him," Logan announced.

"You did?"

"He waited until damned near midnight, but he made his move. Simmons and I picked him up. He's in holding now, and I'm going home."

"Did you interrogate him?"

"Oh, hell yeah. We got him, Bobby. Case closed. So tomorrow, when you come back, you get to do all the paperwork."

Bobby grinned. "We'll see about that, Junior Partner."

"Give Alex my best. I'm glad they're all right."

"Sure, Logan. Thanks. And Logan? I'm sorry about… you know, earlier."

"Forget about it."

* * *

He was sleeping with his cheek against his fist. He'd stripped down to his undershirt hours ago, and had even kicked off his shoes. Alex scooted carefully to the edge of the bed, but he heard her, and tucked his hand under her arm to help.

"I have to pee," she told him. "I was just getting up to go…"

Bobby helped her to her feet and she walked to the bathroom on her own. When she came back, he helped her back into the bed.

"You should get some sleep," she told him.

"I'm all right," he said. "I'm sleeping in the chair."

"Not very well."

Bobby smiled. "I don't sleep well in a bed, either, remember?" He tucked her in and kissed her. Then Bobby headed for the bathroom, too. When he came out, Alex was sound asleep again. He stretched his back and then rubbed his arms. Bobby slipped on his shoes and went for a late night tour of the hospital.

* * *

Bobby had the phone tucked up to his ear. "Yeah, I'm taking her home now. I can be in by this afternoon," Bobby said. "Yes, sir, I'll tell her. Thank you."

He dropped the phone into his pocket and held the door for her. Once she was through, he followed. "Captain Ross said to tell you to take it easy. Come back when you're good and ready."

She nodded and went straight to the couch, where she curled up and moaned in pleasure. "Home," she said with a smile.

Bobby took a minute to sit with her, to hold her. He kissed the crown of her head. "I have to… go in. I'm gonna take a shower."

"I'm fine, Bobby. Go ahead. You still have some clothes here… in the closet," She told him. He kissed her again and hurried off.

While the shower was running, Alex sighed deeply. She ran her hand over her belly. She was glad the baby was fine. Even as she spoke to Bobby yesterday, she wasn't sure. It was good to be sure.

She gingerly touched her bandaged cuts. The glass from the window had caused it. She'd been too close when the perp smashed through it. An accident, that was all… a careless mistake.

Then Alex thought of Palmer, suspiciously absent since she was in the ER. She got up and found her phone.

"Eames?"

"Hey, Palmer. I'm home now. I thought you should know."

"The baby-?"

"The baby's fine."

"Oh, good."

"It wasn't your fault, Palmer. Sometimes things happen, that's all."

"Well, uh, okay… thanks, Eames. I'm glad you're all right."

"Thanks. I'll see you soon."

Bobby emerged, freshly clean and hair dripping. He toweled it off while he spoke to her. "I don't have to stay late, and I'll just be doing paperwork all day. If you need me-"

"I'll be okay, Bobby."

"I'll call and check on you."

"Okay."

He took the wet towel back to the bedroom, combed his hair, and finished getting dressed. He couldn't shave; his shaving kit was at Lewis' place. He went back out to the living room and grabbed his keys. Alex got to her feet. He pulled her into an embrace, and then kissed her. He stared deeply into her eyes. "I love you," he whispered.

She tugged her hand across his whiskers, feeling them scratch at her skin. "I love you, too."

He kissed her once more and hurried out the door. As Bobby turned over the car, he called Liz.

"Hello?"

"Hello Liz, this is Bobby."

"Bobby? Hi."

"I just wanted to let you know—she's fine, don't worry- but Alex spent the night in the hospital last night. She got hurt on the job, and they," he paused as he backed the car out of the driveway, "they didn't like the looks of a test, so they had her stay overnight. They redid the test. She's fine, the baby's fine. I just wanted you to know."

"Why didn't she call me?"

"I'm calling you now."

"Can I talk to her?"

"Look, she's not with me, and I have to get off of here, I'm driving. I just wanted you to know."

"Well. Thank you, Bobby."

"Bye, Liz."

In the next call, he relayed the information to Johnny's wife, and then put the phone away.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

He'd been at work for two hours when he decided to take a break and check in. Bobby got his cell out of his pocket and dialed.

"Hi, Bobby."

She sounded down. "What's wrong?"

Alex sighed. "Why did you have to go and tell my sister?"

"She didn't know. I thought she could, you know… help you if you needed something while I'm at work."

"I don't need any help, Bobby. I'm fine." Now there was a definite trace of irritation in her voice.

That horrible feeling of failure crept up inside him. He'd screwed up again. "I'm sorry. I thought. I thought family needed to know."

"It wasn't your place to decide that, it was mine."

"You're- you're angry."

"Well, at least you haven't lost your masterful powers of observation."

"Well, what do you want me to do, Alex?! I'm sorry, okay?"

"No, Bobby, saying you're sorry doesn't make it okay. But what's done is done. Oh, great, she's here now."

"Just tell her you're tired or something, send her home."

"You don't know my sister very well, do you? I have to go."

"I'm sorry, Alex."

"Yeah. I know."

She hung up the phone then, and Bobby sat still while the guilt and the anger bubbled up inside of him. Suddenly, he was desperate for a smoke.

Palmer Manschweitz walked by, and, driven by all of his negative feelings, Bobby got up and followed him.

"C-can I help you, Detective Goren?" The younger man stammered, finally turning around and stopping.

Bobby stopped, and inch too far in the man's personal space. "I wanted to know what happened yesterday," he said.

Palmer's face reddened and he took a step backwards. "Eames-Eames didn't tell you?"

Bobby stepped forward again, knocking the man off-kilter. "No, she was too busy following doctor's orders."

Palmer stepped back again and swallowed hard. He told Bobby the whole story, taking on more than his share of responsibility for her getting hurt.

Bobby moved forward one last time, and leaned in to whisper in Palmer's ear. "You're supposed to watch her back," was all he said. Then he spun around and went for a long walk in the rain.

* * *

The walk ate into his work time, and he found he still had a lot to do by the time five o'clock rolled around. The anger bubbled up again, and he knew he couldn't keep his promise to Alex. He snatched up the phone and called her.

"Hello, Alex Eames' phone," Liz sang out.

"Oh, uh, Liz?"

"Bobby! Alex went in her room for a nap. I really don't think I should disturb her."

"Oh. Uh… I called to tell her I'd be working late."

"No worries, Bobby. I can stay with her until you can come."

He closed his eyes and sighed. That would piss Alex off even more.

"No, you know, look, Liz… You can leave her for an hour or two. The doctors at the hospital said she's okay."

"No, Bobby, I don't mind. I'll stay. Good luck with your work!" And she hung up before he could protest again. Bobby held the phone in one hand and smeared the other hand across his face. When would he ever stop screwing up?!

He finished his work, in spite of the barrage of emotions. He'd managed to avoid the cigarettes all afternoon, but now, as he imagined what he was going to walk into at Alex's place, he gave in to another temptation. Bobby drove to the corner bar for a drink.

He was on his second when she called. "Hi," he said, with shame and gravel in his voice.

"Bobby, where the hell are you?!"

"I worked late. I told your sister!"

"You're in a bar, aren't you?!"

"I just stopped by for one—"

"Bobby, just because I'm mad at you doesn't mean I don't want you."

He was speechless. The sounds of the crowd filled the room and trickled through the phone.

"Bobby?"

"Y-yeah."

"Come home to me. Please?"

"Yeah. Okay. I'm leaving right now." He grabbed his suit coat and left money and his half-finished drink on the bar.

* * *

He was nervous as hell. Bobby knew what she'd said, but he couldn't truly believe it. She must want him here in person just so she can give it to him, straight up, and see his reaction, see if she scored any hits.

Bobby stood on the porch, trying to refute the thoughts he'd just had. That was his broken self talking. Alex wasn't hateful like that. Alex loved him. Alex wouldn't do that to him. If she was angry, she would only be trying to communicate why.

Even as he told himself these things, his fears resurfaced again. It started to rain, and suddenly the door opened.

"Were you going to come in?" Liz asked.

"Oh, uh… yeah," he said. He stepped in the door, and she shut it behind him. Alex was walking down the hall to the kitchen to refill a glass of water. "Okay, sis, Bobby's here. Thanks for all your help." Alex said.

"Oh. Okay. Nate will be looking for me, anyway," she said. She hugged Alex hard and then threw her coat on. "Goodbye, Bobby. Thanks again for calling me today."

He nodded, but had no idea what to say. Bobby held the door for her and closed it softly after she was out. He kept his body pressed against the back of the door, looking sheepish.

They stared at each other.

"Uh, sorry," he finally said.

"Look, I'm still pretty angry," she said. "But I don't want you to leave, okay?"

"Uh… well, okay."

"There are leftovers in the kitchen."

"Thanks." Bobby found the food and as he prepared a plate for himself, he kept looking back at Alex. He didn't really understand this. She sat down on the couch with a novel she'd been reading, and simply sat, reading.

_This is what angry looks like?_

He ate his dinner and washed the dishes. Afterward, Bobby went to the bedroom and stripped down to his shorts and a t-shirt. Timidly, he came back out and hovered near the couch, not sure what he should do next.

"Just sit down, Bobby, I'm not going to bite." Alex didn't even lift her eyes from the page.

He dropped onto the couch next to her. He fidgeted nervously, and his eyes darted all around the room. He was terribly uncomfortable. Finally, he spoke. "You survived it, the time with your sister."

"Yeah, I did. Johnny called, too."

"I told… I told his wife."

"Yeah."

"Look, I thought that families… I thought you were supposed to communicate these kinds of things."

She was becoming irritated again. "You are and you do, but… Bobby, I think I should be the one to deal with my family."

"Oh... So when were you planning to tell them?"

"Maybe next Christmas," she smarted off. "Just drop it."

"Well, maybe I don't want to drop it. I mean, you're telling me I did something wrong. I thought communication was the cure for all our ills."

"Yeah, communication with _me_, Bobby, not my family!"

"So… when I screw up, I'm supposed to come home and walk on eggshells until you decide you're not mad any more? That's how this is supposed to work?!"

"You're just supposed to come home, and not make excuses to stay at work or drink yourself silly in a bar first. You're supposed to face it, whatever the hell is going on!"

"Face it, huh? That's what I'm supposed to do."

"Yes."

"All right, then. Alex, you're wrong."

"Excuse me?"

"I told your family, who loves you, that you spent the night in the hospital. You've got no business making me feel like crap for that."

"You should have discussed it with me first!"

"You would have said no, kept them in the dark."

"It's not important anyway! I'm fine!"

"You've got stitches in your arm!"

"So what?"

"What if you had to pick up something heavy? Move something?"

"I'd use the other arm. I can take care of myself, Bobby. I'm not a baby!"

"You're not indestructible, either!"

"Next thing you'll have me sitting at home on bedrest!"

"What's wrong with that?! What if the baby had gotten hurt, Alex?! Did you even think of that?!"

"Of course I thought of that! I'm with this baby 24/7! You have no idea what that's like!"

"So why can't you back off a little, be more careful?! You don't have to be… Superwoman all the time, Alex! You've already proved yourself!"

She was quiet. Alex folded her arms and glared at him.

"Oh, good. That's much better. And you wonder why I stopped at the bar…"

"Just leave me alone, Bobby!"

"That's what I was doing in the first place!" He stomped to the bedroom, grabbed his pants, and put them on. He grabbed his suit coat and put it on over his t-shirt. He snatched up his wallet and keys, and his phone, and he stormed out of the house.

"Damn it!" Alex cried.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Bobby slammed the door, and then stood on the porch. It was spitting rain, and the clouds were swirling, angry and black overhead. He clenched his fists and held his breath until he turned red. Then he plopped to the porch and sat down.

As the rain picked up, he reached into his pocket and fidgeted with his keys. He looked at the car, and thought about taking shelter there, but the cool rain was helping him calm down.

After an hour, he started to regret ever speaking his mind. Why couldn't he just let things go?

He was surprised by the creak of the door behind him. "Bobby? You're still here?"

He nodded, but didn't move to get up. His clothes were soaked, but he didn't care.

"You'll catch cold."

He shrugged. "Maybe."

She came out and sat down beside him. He took notice of this. "You-you shouldn't… it's too cold."

"If it's good enough for you, it's good enough for me."

Reluctantly, he got to his feet. He offered her a hand, and she stood up, as well. He held the door for her and they went inside.

"I'm sorry," Alex said. "I guess I don't like it when I'm wrong."

He glanced around, and finally settled his gaze on the floor. "It wasn't a big deal, I shouldn't have made it one."

"Nothing is ever a big deal, until all of a sudden it is."

He locked eyes with her. She was right. They could get buried under all the little things.

"I'm glad you said something." She stepped closer and set her hand against his darkening beard. "Now go get out of those wet clothes."

He did, and before he got dry ones on, she started kissing his spine. Bobby arched back, leaning into her soft lips. Her hands slipped around to his chest, and he captured them with his own.

Bobby lowered her hands and then turned around. He locked eyes with hers, and soon they were kissing deeply, turning the anger of the day into an entirely different emotion.

Afterwards, she lay with her head against his shoulder. His fingers slowly circled the perimeter of the bandage on her forearm. "Does it hurt?" he asked.

"It's throbbing a little, but mostly, it's okay."

"And the one on your head?" he asked, kissing her temple.

"I barely know it's there." They enjoyed a comfortable silence, and then she spoke again. "I'm sorry, Bobby."

"Shhhh," he said, and kissed her softly.

* * *

"I guess… I always think there are ulterior motives." Bobby stroked his beard as he formulated his words. "My mother… and Frank, too, for that matter… they played me like a fiddle."

"And you think Alex is trying to manipulate you."

He shrugged, turned, and ran his hand along the edge of her bookshelf. "We all do it. Whatever it takes, to have some measure of… control… over our lives."

"Whatever it takes?"

He shrugged again, only this time he thought in silence.

"We all have limits." Dr. Tenorio said. "You may be right, that we all try to exert control, but I disagree with you that we all do whatever it takes. One person may go farther than another; the boundaries are different for each of us."

"You're talking about morality."

"Morality, ethics, values, right and wrong. The question is, how far do you think Alex will go to… how did you say it? Have some measure of control?"

"Alex is a good person."

"And yet you think she would purposely hurt you."

"If I hurt her bad enough. Alex is no… damsel in distress. She can take care of herself."

"And do you think you purposely hurt her?"

"No, of course not… not usually."

Her face was a question mark. It only took thirteen ticks before he tried to explain himself.

"When… when I'm convinced about… when I'm self-sabotaging," he said it so quietly she could barely make out the words, "I think I do… I don't hurt her directly or anything… but I know what I'm doing ultimately will cause her pain."

"And you. Because what you're doing doesn't match your values. You're hurting other people, but ultimately, you're hurting yourself."

* * *

Lewis was surprised to see Bobby back at his place. Since Alex's hospital stay, he'd been staying with her.

"Hey, bro." Lewis called, walking into the living area behind him.

Bobby nodded his head at his friend.

"Everything all right?"

"Fine," Bobby said. Before Lewis asked for an explanation, he continued, "I saw Dr. Tenorio today. Alex knows I'm staying here tonight. It's just… it gives me room to think."

"Oh."

"Lewis, my tenants are moving out by next Friday. I can move back into my place. I wanted to thank you, you know… for everything."

"You'd do the same for me," Lewis said, and left Bobby alone in the living room.

* * *

"I think I'm going to kill him."

"What?" Bobby laughed. "Why? I thought your sidekick was coming along in his training." He rested the phone on his shoulder long enough to dry his hands and hang the towel on the rack.

"He's smothering me. I don't know if it's because I'm really showing now, or what. It's like he thinks I'm going to break if he's not holding onto my arm or standing within arm's reach of me. I feel like I should tell him off."

"Uh, you might want to hold off on that," Bobby said, guilt reddening his face. He was glad she couldn't see him.

"Why?"

"After… uh… after you were in the hospital… I might have said something…"

"Bobby, what did you do?"

"I was upset. I… I laid a guilt trip on him, I guess."

"Bobby! He doesn't deserve that!"

"I-I know that, now. But things were different then, when it happened."

"Oh, Bobby." She was disappointed.

"Look, I'll… I'll talk to him. I'll fix it."


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

"Look, uh, can I help you with something, Detective Goren?" Manschweitz asked. Bobby had been hovering nearby, watching him doing his deskwork.

"Uh… I was wondering, well maybe if you've got a minute…" Bobby jerked his head in the direction of the interview room.

Palmer broke into a cold sweat. He was well aware that Goren had been Eames' partner for years. He was also well aware of why the partnership had ended. "S-sure," he said, and a trace of his old lisp touched his tongue.

He let Bobby lead the way. He followed into the room, and at Bobby's gesture, sank slowly into a chair. Bobby shut the door quietly.

"I… uh… I appreciate how you've been looking out for Alex."

Palmer was like a deer in the headlights, afraid to move or speak.

"I'm not sure if you know, but… the uh… the baby's mine."

"I'd heard that," he managed to say.

"Well, anyway, I appreciate it."

He nodded, nervously.

"But the thing is… Alex, she… she's very independent."

"I know that."

Bobby smiled. "Look, I think maybe I… intimidated you or something, but the thing is… if you keep it up, she's going to sock you one."

"What?"

"You-you're overdoing it. She doesn't like to be coddled, doesn't want it, doesn't need it."

"I was just trying to help."

"She doesn't want your help."

"But-"

"And maybe I made you feel like you had to, and if that's the case, I'm sorry. I was upset the day she got cut, and I suppose I uh…" Bobby paused. Manschweitz still sat, frozen. He was completely uncomfortable. "Well. I'm sorry. Just back off a little before she hurts you."

* * *

For three weeks, Palmer had been much more palatable. He offered to buy her lunch, but she politely shook her head. "I brought something today," she explained. He grabbed his coat and headed out.

When her phone rang, Alex snatched it up from the desktop, pausing to read the name on the display. Logan.

"Eames," she said.

"Eames, what the hell is wrong with Bobby?"

"There's something wrong?"

"He can't seem to concentrate on anything today! I may as well be working solo. You can't tell me you haven't noticed."

She nodded with a frown. "I didn't know it was that bad at work. He's got something on his mind."

"No kidding. Any idea what? Or how we can get it off his mind?"

She sighed. "I think it's… I think he's been thinking a lot about family. His family… his mother."

"She's been gone, what…?"

"Two years. Three, come fall."

"Eames, you've gotta do something. I can't work with the guy like this. If he keeps it up, I'll have to say something to the Captain… for my own safety."

She knitted her brow. "Okay, Mike. I'll talk to him."

* * *

They'd settled into a regular routine. Through the week, he stayed at his place, and on the weekends, he stayed with her. They called each other every night; it was a way to force communication to happen. When they were together, they tended to express themselves more in physical ways.

"Logan said you wanted to see me?" he said, and she could tell by looking at him that he hadn't been sleeping well.

"Bobby, could you come over tonight? And stay?"

He nodded. "Is everything all right?"

"Sure. I…" She reached out and touched his hand. "I just need some contact, that's all."

His lips turned into a grin, and he nodded again. " Sure. I'll see you later."

* * *

It was seven by the time he pulled in. He'd stopped by his place for a few things, and grabbed a bite to eat. He put the key in the lock and let himself in.

The first order of business was a passionate kiss. He dropped his duffel to the floor so he could wrap his arms around her. As they unwound from each other, he let his hand drift over her belly, and they both laughed when their daughter kicked.

Bobby searched for the sensation again, but the baby was content to leave him be. "She's been doing that?"

Alex nodded. "Off and on. Not so much during the day." Alex was reluctant to withdraw. It seemed that every time she was this close to him, she wanted to curl up in his arms and just stay there. "You want something to drink?"

"You got a beer?"

"I'm all out. I've got juice, though. Grape or apple?"

"Grape."

She left long enough to fill his glass, and they sat on the couch together. Bobby drank half of it down in one swig, then set the glass on the coffee table. He took her in his arms again.

Alex's fingers tugged at his whiskers, and after another kiss, she looked into his eyes. "You look tired," she said.

He mumbled something about burning the candle at both ends and gave her an unconvincing smile.

"You've been thinking about her."

He looked up, surprised that she knew.

"Your mother."

He nodded. "I guess I… Dr. Tenorio started it. And then I see," he reached out and touched her swollen belly again. "I see what you go through… she did it twice, my mother. And as… as sick as she was, she loved us."

"I know she did, Bobby."

He settled back into the cushion on the back of the couch. "I should have done more for her."

"You did the best you could."

He nodded, and spoke his next thought reluctantly. "'Better than Frank' isn't much of a measure to go by."

She reached out to him again, forcing him to give her a moment of eye contact. "You did the best you could. You loved her."

"You know, she always… pulled it off, somehow. After Dad left us, she worked, she managed to provide for us. Her schizophrenia… she had a hard time, keeping jobs."

"She was a strong woman. Determined. Persistent. Intelligent." Alex smiled. "Sounds like you."

He smiled a little, and she nestled herself against him. "You can't change the past, Bobby. All we can do is try to work on the present."

"Something wrong with the present?" He asked, a little defensive.

"No, not with us. Things are good, now." She knew by his silence that he wanted the rest of the story. Alex sighed. "Logan was worried about you."

"Logan?!"

"He's your partner, Bobby!"

"If he's got a problem with me, why didn't he just say something?!"

"I didn't say he had a problem, I said he was worried."

"Oh, don't go making it sound like Logan _cares_ about me. We're not that kind of partners, Alex. You're softening the blow."

"He said you are having trouble staying focused."

Bobby was very still.

"He said it's bad, Bobby. He's worried about his safety."

"And he comes to you with this?!"

"Better me than the Captain."

Bobby shook his head angrily and pouted. She was right. Logan was right, too, for that matter, though he'd probably never admit it. Usually when he got this bound up in his head he called in sick. Now he didn't have any sick leave, so he was trying to push through it at work, without much success.

"Hey," Alex said, her voice soft and her fingers lightly drifting over his arm, "I'll bet a good night's sleep will take care of it."

"I haven't slept right in a week," Bobby admitted.

She stroked his beard, her long fingernails tingling his cheeks. "Maybe I can help you with that."


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

He awoke in the wee hours. Alex had done her best, and he had slept deeper than he had in days, but his mind simply would not let him rest. First, he explored the sensations: Her warmth curled up beside him, the soft sound of her breathing. Her room was saturated with her scent, and he had the pleasure of the source under the relaxed weight of his arm.

In the dim light, his eyes scanned her soft curves. Even pregnant, he couldn't get enough of her. In fact, she seemed more beautiful than ever. He remained still in the bed for as long as he could, and then, afraid his restless body would wake her, he got up.

Bobby paced the living room, thoughts of fatherhood barraging him. He thought he could do it; he knew he could do better than his own father. Things with Alex seemed to be improving. They still argued, but gradually, he had begun to feel that an argument wasn't an end. It was still hard for him to express himself, especially when they were in discord, but with practice, he was doing it.

Maybe, by the time the baby came, they could live together again.

He worried about her. In spite of what he'd told Manschweitz, he liked it better when she was being coddled. Bobby sighed. Alex would have none of that. But now, after a long day on the streets, her feet would swell.

It was inevitable that his thoughts would turn back to Frances. She had consumed so much of his mind lately. He thought of the evolution of their relationship, from the blind love of a child to the embarrassed disdain he'd felt even before his teenage years; then the anger. Years of anger, really, while he was in college and then the army. Even his first few years on the force, he resented the pain and suffering she'd caused him. He'd never abandoned her, though. Something in him… the love in him… had never allowed him to go that far.

He remembered when he first moved her in at Carmel Ridge. It had been quite a manipulation on his part, really, and he'd been proud that he'd pulled it off. The house was in shambles, unfit for anyone. He didn't have the means to have it repaired. Frank was MIA, and wouldn't have been able to help even if he'd been around.

Bobby had talked to her about vacations and resorts, and then apartments… condos… He took her to visit, and she didn't seem to realize that it was a hospital in disguise. She was pleased with the size of the rooms; the comforts they offered. She sat in on a heated scrabble game, he remembered, and he'd used that as a selling point. She was lonely in the house; she didn't have friends like that to entertain her and occupy her mind.

So she had finally agreed. And when she realized it was an institution she'd nearly broken him. His mother had always been able to cut a little harder, a little deeper, than anyone else. Sometimes it had been for his own good: her way of trying to steer him in the right direction, her way of parenting. Most of the time it had been for hers: manipulation to control the variables in her life.

He'd deserved it that time, every word. Even if her move to Carmel Ridge had been necessary, he'd tricked her into it, and she was right to call him on it.

She had settled in, eventually. It took a visit from Frank and his blunt announcement that the house was condemned and boarded up. She'd insisted that Bobby check her out for a day and show her. She had sobbed, and he'd felt horrible.

But then Carmel Ridge had become her home. When she was well enough, she thrived there. When the episodes manifested, she had care and attention she'd never had before. It wasn't perfect, but it had been for the best.

It was when she was diagnosed with lymphoma, he guessed, when he'd finally realized there was no point in being angry with her. She'd simply done the best with what she had, and it wasn't perfect.

He glanced in the direction of the bedroom and wondered if Alex would be thinking the same thing about him one day.

* * *

She awoke to find a note scrawled in his left-handed slant. He'd gone in to work. Maybe he couldn't focus when he was working with Logan, but it appeared he did all right by himself in the hours before dawn.

She picked up her phone and dialed.

"Goren."

"Hey, Bobby."

"Good morning," he said, and she could hear the smile behind his voice.

"Did you get any sleep?"

"Yeah, some."

"How's the case coming?"

"Logan shouldn't have anything to complain about." There was a bit of a silence while she tried to decide how put off he was with his partner. "Are you all right this morning?"

"I'm great," she said. "Wish you were here, though."

"Sorry."

"Oh, Bobby, don't be. I can't have you with me every second. I'm glad you found something useful to do with your time instead of tossing and turning and pacing around here." She paused a moment. "I worry about you, sometimes."

"Huh?"

"People need sleep, Bobby. How long did you say it's been? A week?"

"More or less."

"Maybe you should take something for it."

"Aw, I don't know about that. I'll get back on schedule. I always do."

"Well. Suit yourself."

"Alex?"

"Mmm-hmm?"

"If I… if I started to… lose it, you'd tell me, right?"

"What do you mean, Bobby?" she asked, alarmed by the question.

"I mean, you know, if I… like my mother."

Alex sighed. "Bobby, you are not like your mother. Not _that_ way."

"But you'd tell me if—"

"Sure. I'd tell you."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

By the time Logan arrived at 1PP, Bobby had put in nearly a full day of work. There was a chill between them as Goren tossed the evidence of his night's work onto Logan's desk. He'd compiled a complete profile of their suspect, with enough documentation behind it that even Logan couldn't dismiss the value of it. He'd also done enough digging on the computer to constitute a valuable lead on where the man was hiding.

"Damn, Goren, let me know if I can help with your investigation, huh?" Logan smarted off.

"I wouldn't want your safety to be compromised by my distractibility," he retorted. After a good long stare, Goren headed for a bunk in the locker room.

"Fuck," Logan said under his breath, and wished he'd never said anything to Eames.

* * *

Three hours later, Logan had tracked him down. Reluctantly, he headed to the locker room to wake Bobby.

He was lying on the cot, but already awake when Mike came in. Bobby saw him and sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"I'm pretty sure I found him," Logan said.

Bobby rubbed his whole face and craned his neck up at his standing partner. "Okay. Give me five minutes," he said, and got to his feet. Bobby opened his locker and pulled out a small bag.

* * *

"Did you see it?" Logan asked. Both men had their weapons drawn, holding them low and out of the way as they approached the entrance. "Looked like a gun," Logan continued as Bobby shook his head.

They both redoubled their concentration and went in the door.

He was near the stairs, and he bolted up them. Bobby was closer, and ran after him. At the top of the stairs, the suspect turned the weapon on himself.

Mike was behind Bobby on the stairs, and couldn't get a good view of what was happening. He hunkered down so he could see in the space between Goren's left thigh and the wall.

"Wait, wait..." Goren said, keeping his voice calm. "Uh, talk to me, Jerry... It's Jerry, isn't it?"

The man nodded nervously.

"We... We just wanted to talk."

"I... I couldn't stop it."

Bobby nodded and started to slowly raise himself to the next step.

"Sometimes there... Sometimes there are voices that tell me to do bad things."

"Are they saying anything now?" Goren asked, his eyes flitting to the man's gun.

His eyes screwed up and he was very distressed. "I don't want to! But they won't leave me alone!"

"But you're winning, Jerry." Bobby said. "They keep talking and you keep doing the right thing. I can see it, right here, right now. They… they wanted you to shoot me, didn't they?" he suggested.

The man blinked and gave a frantic nod.

"But you're winning! You're not going to shoot me. You turned the gun around."

"It's so… hard!" he cried in frustration.

"But you're winning! And you're not going to shoot yourself, either, no matter what they say! Because you're the strong one, _not them!"_

The man began to lower the gun, and Bobby repeated quietly, "You're strong, Jerry; you're winning." As soon as he saw an opportunity, he grabbed the man and pried the weapon from his hand. It landed with a thud and Bobby shouted, "Clear!"

Mike moved in quickly and cuffed him, then took over the restraint.

"That's good, Jerry. You did the right thing. You won," Bobby told him as he backed wearily away. He leaned hard against the stair rail and tried to get the shaking to stop.

It was a normal reaction. His body had been entirely in fight or flight; and yet Bobby had maintained his self-control. It took a tremendous amount of discipline to stay cool in such circumstances, and even though Bobby was very good at it, it took a lot out of him. He rested quietly until the uniformed officers escorted Jerry down the stairs.

Logan took a step and stood before him. "Good work, Goren."

Bobby kept his eyes on the floor, but nodded. Mike clapped him gently on the shoulder. "C'mon, let's get out of here."

* * *

"You all right?" Alex asked him.

Bobby sat alone in the break room, a soda between his hands on the table in front of him. "Yeah, I guess."

"I think you could convince Ross to let you go early today…"

"Why?"

"Bobby, you just had a life or death encounter."

"It's no big deal. I talked him down."

"Bobby, it is a big deal."

"Look, Eames, I did the job, even with my sleep deprivation that everyone is so concerned about."

She clamped her mouth shut. She knew it was the lack of sleep and the stress talking, but still, it was hard when he snapped at her.

Bobby chugged the last of the soda and crunched the can in his hand. He was fully aware of what he'd just done, but all his adrenaline had turned to anger, now. It was all he could do not to strike out at something. He jumped to his feet and paced away from her, slamming the deformed can into the recycle bin.

"Bobby…" she said quietly.

"No, Eames!" he shouted, keeping his back to her as he raised a lone finger in the air. "Alex," he said, with more control than she thought he had, "Just… don't."

She sighed, and slowly left the room. When Bobby emerged from the break room, both Manschweitz and Ross were standing over her, looking concerned. She sat in the chair, her feet up on another chair, talking to them.

Bobby hurried over. "Wh-what's wrong?" he asked.

"She needs to keep her feet up," Ross said. "Have a look," he told Bobby.

Goren looked at Alex, who turned her head away. Then he looked down at her feet. They were large and puffy.

"We were on the streets all morning," Palmer explained. "She didn't tell me she needed a break."

"Because I didn't need one," Alex smarted.

Ross looked unhappy with the whole situation. "Goren, do me a favor and take Eames home. If she manages to stay off her feet, maybe she'll make it in to work tomorrow morning."

He nodded sincerely, and it never occurred to him that he may have been tricked.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Alex was very quiet on the way to the car. He held the door for her as she got into the SUV, and then shut it for her before going around to the other side. She rubbed her temples as he slid into the seat.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Headache," she said. "This is stupid."

"It won't hurt to get off your feet for a while."

She frowned, but said nothing, and he pulled out of the garage.

His place was closer, and he parked the car as close as he could get it to the building. He helped her out and walked close beside her as they went in. They rode the elevator up and he moved ahead to unlock the door.

She was walking more slowly than usual. She'd barely gotten back into her shoes, and now they were too tight. She started for the couch, but he took her hand and led her to the bedroom.

The sheets were a tangled mess. Bobby shook them out while Alex got out of her clothes. She grabbed a shirt from his drawer and pulled it over her head. It was tight against her belly. "I never thought I'd see the day when I didn't fit in one of your shirts," she said.

Bobby smiled, and helped her into bed. He kissed her, and she held one hand against his beard. "You're coming, too, right?"

He was surprised, though he shouldn't have been. He nodded. "O-Okay. Let me get you some water, first. And… are you hungry?"

"No, but I probably should eat something." After another quick kiss he scurried off to the kitchen. He came back with sandwiches for both of them, and waters.

"How are the feet?" he asked her.

"Feeling better already," she admitted.

Bobby stripped down to his shorts before they ate their dinner in bed. He gathered up the dishes and took them back to the kitchen, leaving the water behind. When he returned, she was rubbing her chest with her hand.

She saw the look he gave her. "Heartburn," she explained.

Bobby nodded and climbed into bed with her. He spent some time smoothing his hand over her skin. She closed her eyes and enjoyed it, and was especially pleased when his hand slowed, and then stopped. Bobby was asleep.

* * *

Normally, the slightest motions would wake him. Even when she turned in bed, he almost always stirred. This time, nothing could shake him out of it. He slept for 16 hours straight.

Alex was already dressed and ready for work when he shuffled out of the bedroom. "Good morning," she smiled at him.

He rubbed his sleepy eyes with one hand. "Morning," he mumbled back. He took a few more steps and glanced at her feet, then nodded his approval.

"Good as new," she said. "I have that appointment today. The Captain already said you could come, so long as you flex the time."

"I'll be there," he said.

She reached up and gave him a hug. "Thanks for taking care of me yesterday," she said. "I guess I needed it."

"Hmmm," he agreed. He kissed her cheek, and then zeroed in on the coffee pot.

Alex sighed and rubbed her temples again. "Maybe they'll tell me something I can do about these headaches."

"Want some water?"

She held up a glass. "Already have some."

* * *

"Have you had any unusual symptoms, such as blurred vision or headaches?" The Doctor asked.

Bobby looked at Alex in alarm.

"I've been having headaches. I didn't know that was unusual, though."

"How often?"

She explained, and the Doctor scribbled some notes. "What about pain in your abdomen that seems unrelated to the baby's movements?"

"I don't know."

"H-heartburn, you said you had heartburn," Bobby said. "Her hand was… here…" he showed the doctor.

Again, the doctor asked for more details and wrote some notes. "Alex, if you recall, during your last pregnancy, your blood pressure was on the high end of normal. Fortunately, it didn't progress past that. Your blood pressure today is quite high. I'm going to ask you to come back in tomorrow morning, and we'll take your blood pressure again."

"What do you suspect?" Bobby asked.

"It could be any number of things, but unfortunately, all can be serious, even life threatening. The first thing I want to rule out is preeclampsia. I'll order some blood tests today, and then we'll check her blood pressure in the morning."

"But why would I get that this time when I didn't have it last time?"

"Your age could be a factor, and there is some evidence that the father's DNA in your body plays a role. I don't want you to worry about it. We'll run the tests, make sure, and then go from there."

The doctor watched as Bobby's hand went to Alex's back. He comforted her, rubbing a slow circle there. "How are things at work?" she asked.

Alex bristled. "Okay."

"You've been experiencing edema?"

"Yeah, but not till the end of the day. That's nothing, right?"

"It can be a symptom. How much time are you spending on your feet?"

"I don't know, a couple of hours, maybe. It's different from day to day."

"You were on your feet at least four hours yesterday," Bobby corrected her. He looked at the doctor. "She's too proud to tell anyone she needs to rest."

Alex glared at him.

The doctor looked at her sternly. "This isn't about you, Detective, it's about your baby. I'm going to order you on desk duty until we find out why you're having the high blood pressure. After that, it could very well be bedrest."

Alex sighed in disappointment.

"It's for the baby," the doctor reminded her.

* * *

After the appointment, Bobby drove her home. It was a long and silent ride, and he was glad he had to go back to 1PP. Alex was furious with him.

"I'll… uh, I'll see you later," he said, and quickly kissed her cheek before she could protest.

She frowned as she watched him leave. After a heavy sigh, Alex picked up the phone and dialed her sister.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

She was on his mind the rest of the day. He went in, finished up the report from the day before, sat in on an interrogation that one of the other detectives was doing, and Ross briefed him on a new case he and Mike were picking up. Bobby told his partner and the Captain what was going on with Alex, and Mike agreed to take care of the preliminary work on his own.

By seven p.m., Bobby was at her place. To his surprise, she wasn't up and about. He was hungry, but he went looking for Alex first.

She was lying on her side in bed, the lights off and the room quiet. Bobby slipped off his shoes and slid in beside her. He put his arm around her and kissed her temple.

Alex was relieved to feel him beside her. She'd stubbornly stayed up after she first came home, but the truth was, she was feeling rotten. The headache was persistent, and she was nauseated, too.

He spent some time caressing her before his hand went to the baby. Alex's hand moved over his, and they laced their fingers together. They were both worried.

"Liz said she can take me in the morning, if you have to go to work."

"I already told Ross, it's okay." He was relieved that she'd called her sister. Maybe she was starting to realize she couldn't face everything alone. "How are you?" he finally asked.

"I can't shake this headache," she complained. "I'm tempted to take something I shouldn't."

He was quiet, but squeezed her hand. He knew she wouldn't do that. Bobby extracted his hand from hers and massaged her, slowly, from shoulder to hip.

Alex rolled onto her back, causing his hand to fall on her breast. He caressed her there, too, and dropped his lips against hers. "You're still dressed," she said, stopping him from his ministrations. "Have you eaten?"

Bobby smiled and refused to answer her question. She pushed her hands against him.

"Go. Get something to eat. I'll be okay."

Bobby kissed her again before he got back to his feet.

* * *

"It is preeclampsia."

Alex gripped Bobby's hand tightly, and they looked to the doctor. "Well, what do we do next? How do we take care of it?" Bobby stammered anxiously.

"The only cure is to give birth. But I'm not comfortable with that course of action just yet. Alex, I'd like to get you to 37 weeks, if we can, before inducing." The doctor sat back and put her hands on her knees. "First, you need to be on bedrest. And I do mean bed. Second, I'll prescribe some medicine that should keep your blood pressure under control. As a precaution, I'll have you get a corticosteroid shot. That will help the baby's lungs develop more quickly, and if we should have to deliver early, give her a better chance. I'm going to want to see you once a week to monitor everything." The doctor turned and collected a handout from a file drawer beside her. "This will give you more information about the condition. If we can keep your blood pressure under control, and maintain the functioning of your other organs, you should be able to carry the baby longer. The longer she's in there, the better."

"And if you can't?" Bobby asked, his voice urgent.

"If we can't get things stabilized, we'll have to deliver prematurely. I'm not going to hide anything from you. This is a life-threatening condition, for both Alex and the baby."

Bobby folded the handout and stuck it in the inside pocket of his suit jacket. The doctor handed Alex the prescription and told her the instructions for taking the medicine.

As the doctor left, Bobby took a deep breath. Alex leaned against him and he put his arms around her. They held each other tightly.

* * *

Alex called the Captain and filled him in while Bobby rearranged the bedroom to provide her with a few more amenities. He made sure she had easy access to a tv and a laptop. He brought in a few magazines and the novel she'd been reading. He filled a pitcher with water and set it by the bedside, along with a small cooler full of healthy snacks.

"He says you have to pick up some paperwork for me so they can get FMLA to kick in."

"Okay."

"Bobby, we still don't have the baby's room set up. I kept thinking there was time…"

"There is time," he said. "37 weeks. You'll make it."

"We need to be ready, Bobby. And now I… I can't do it."

"I'll take care of it."

"We need the crib and some way to keep the diapers and all of that organized. A baby swing, too…"

"I'll take care of it, Alex," he assured her. Bobby knew it was pressing in her mind, but something else was pressing in his. "Alex, I think… I mean if you think… to be ready for the baby… and while you're bedridden…."

"Spit it out, Bobby."

"I think I should move back in." He said it, but then the doubts started to fill him. He broke into a cold sweat and rocked from foot to foot while he waited for her to speak.

Alex was afraid, too: afraid that they'd jump in too quickly and lose everything they'd finally managed to build together. "You… really think so?"

"You don't want to."

"I didn't say that, Bobby. I… I'm just not sure…"

Bobby's face reddened with anger. "I'm sure! Our baby is coming, Alex! Maybe sooner than we think. I… I want to be… I don't want to be a father from a distance."

"But aren't you afraid that-?"

"Of course I'm afraid. But Alex, I love you. And I love _her_, and I think we'll have a better shot as a family if we live together." They stared at each other in silence, and he added, "I'll be here… to help… when she cries in the middle of the night." He stepped closer to the bed. "I'll take over when… when it's too much for you." After another step, he continued. "I'll take care of you, too."

She reached out her hand and he sat on the mattress beside her. "I just don't want it all to fall apart."

"Then we can't let it. We'll make it work."

She searched his eyes, and she thought about how much had happened in the last year. It wasn't a perfect relationship, but it was getting better, every day. "Okay, Bobby. We'll make it work."


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

"Geez, Bobby, where are you gonna put all this stuff?" Lewis asked, glancing around and taking in the couch, the recliner, the kitchen table, and the boxes.

"I didn't like subletting. I felt like all my stuff was… was… not mine anymore."

"But you can't fit all this in Alex's place. She'd kill you if you even tried."

"I know."

"So what are you going to do?"

Bobby scratched his head and looked around. "I guess… I guess I'll get a storage unit?"

"I guess. Bobby, are you sure you want to do this? I mean, why not just keep the place in mothballs or something."

"Too… too expensive. I can rent a storage unit fairly cheap. I could sublet again, but… my landlord wasn't too happy with it and it's hard to find good renters." He folded his arms and frowned. "Besides, I… uh… I think I'm going to have to take some leave without pay, and no income with all this expense…"

"Hey, whatever you say, man. I'm just the brawn here." After sharing a smile, they organized Bobby's things into two areas of the apartment. One housed things he would keep; the other things that would go to storage.

* * *

"When you rescheduled, I was worried. Everything all right?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, well, not all right, but okay I guess."

Dr. Tenorio waited for him to explain.

"Alex has preeclampsia. She's on bedrest, and we had a lot of… adjustments to make."

"I see."

"I'm moving in with her again."

"Is that good?"

"Yeah. Of course it's good. Why would you say that?"

"Do you think it's not?"

"No! You're… you're twisting my words around."

She smiled slightly, and he turned his back to her and lowered his head.

"I think we should live together. I think we should be together, as a family, when the baby comes. Alex… agreed." The doctor was silent, and he finally turned enough to see her out of the corner of his eye. "Okay, I guess I convinced her to agree."

"It must mean a lot to you."

"My father… was in and out of our lives… all the time… until he was out for good. Frank told me that when I was born… he didn't even hang around the hospital. He took off before she even brought me home." Bobby scratched his head. "Of course, now I know there may have been another reason for that."

"Oh?"

"My mother… had an affair. She told me about it before she died." His face screwed up and he corrected himself. "I found out about it before she died. And she confirmed it." He made eye contact for a split second. "He was a serial killer."

She couldn't hide her surprise. For a moment, the doctor stammered. "Th-that must have been quite a shock to discover."

"Yeah, well… he was my father… but he wasn't my Dad. The one I called Dad was the one who was in and out." Bobby paced the length of the room and then flopped onto the couch. "I want to… be there… for my daughter. I want to be there for Alex."

"You want to be everything those men were not."

He looked at her and nodded.

"How has it been? Have you had disagreements?"

"Oh, sure we disagree all the time."

Her eyes were smiling at him, even if her mouth wasn't.

"That's not what I meant. We disagree, but we… we talk. It's good. It's better."

"Arguments?"

"A few."

"How's that going?"

"I… you know, I'm… I'm telling her what I think… how I feel."

The doctor nodded and made a note in her ledger.

"Actually the last bad one we had… I wasn't sleeping well, and my partner said something to her, and she said something to me, and then I had to talk down a gunman and then she was pushing herself so hard at work and she started having symptoms…"

"You weren't sleeping?"

"I was sleeping. Just not very well."

"How long did that go on?"

He groaned. "Ah… I don't know a week… maybe two."

"How much sleep do you think you were getting?"

"You know, it was enough. A few hours here and there."

"Does this happen to you often?"

"Now and then."

"What do you do… when you can't sleep?"

"I… I uh… I read. I work. I walk around."

She smiled. "Sounds like what you do normally."

"Yeah, sure. Just… more of the same."

"Do you ever hear voices?"

"I'm not schizophrenic."

"I didn't say you were."

"You're trying to… pin a diagnosis on me just because I have a little trouble… sleeping."

"I'm not, Robert. I'm trying to see if I can't help you get more sleep. All people need to sleep."

"That's what Alex said."

"How do you explain it?"

"Oh, you know. I just, I get to thinking, and sometimes there's too much in my head… and I either let it run round or I do something to distract myself."

"Have you ever taken anything for it?"

"I don't like to take medication."

"Have you ever taken anything to help you sleep?"

Finally, he shook his head. "I… I uh… get call outs in the middle of the night sometime. I have to be up and ready."

She scrawled out a prescription. "Try it. Just in case you ever need something."

* * *

"Bobby! Good to see you." Johnny approached and warmly shook Goren's hand.

"How is she, Johnny?" Bobby asked. He hadn't intended to stay out so long, but he wasn't in a good frame of mind when he left Tenorio's office. He'd called and spent some time walking off his frustration.

"She hates being stuck in bed. She's trying hard, though. She didn't complain at all."

"Thanks. Thanks, Johnny." Bobby let Johnny out and took his suit coat off. He hung it in the closet, then removed his tie and stuck it in his pocket. As he walked to the bedroom, he loosened the buttons on his shirt.

She was leaning on pillows against the headboard, watching tv. Her eyes searched his. She knew he'd been upset after the therapy, and she was curious about his state of mind now.

"Sorry," he said.

"No, Bobby. Don't be sorry. I know those sessions are hard for you. And it's okay if you need a little space sometimes."

He blinked, and tried to process what she was saying. "I don't like to be away from you, but I don't want to be here and do something I'll regret."

She smiled. "I know." With her hand out, she invited him to join her on the bed.

Bobby slid in beside her and accepted Alex's kiss. She lapped at his lips hungrily, and he was surprised by her eagerness. They broke apart, panting. "I… uh…"

"I love you."

He broke into a grin.


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Alex's family took turns staying with her. She usually had about an hour a day when she was truly alone. Bobby put in as many extra hours at work as he could, hoping to be able to flex time out when the baby was born rather than take leave without pay.

It was hard on him, but he'd spoken to her about it, and she agreed. He called her when he could throughout the day, and he went with her to all of her appointments.

Alex was responding to the treatment. Her blood pressure was much lower, and her other symptoms had subsided. The steroid shot had been administered and the obstetrician was optimistic about their progress. As another precaution, she'd begun doing nonstress tests on Alex and the baby at every appointment.

One piece at a time, Bobby had gotten the baby's things into Alex's spare bedroom. It was cramped, but functional. They even had a small bassinet in the master bedroom, thanks to a surprise baby shower thrown by her sister.

So every morning, Bobby got up at 6 and worked until sunset or just after. Most nights he came home by nine, but some nights it was midnight before he came home. He was determined to do what he could, to provide for his family, but Alex could see that between that and his natural tendency towards insomnia, it was slowly wearing him down.

Tonight was a late night. He went through his bedtime ritual and crawled in beside her, lying flat on his back. He didn't even greet her.

"You okay?" Alex asked.

"Yeah," he breathed. "Why? Did I wake you?"

"No. Never mind."

"Alex, are you all right?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow's June."

"Yeah, that's right."

"37 weeks is next week."

"Yeah."

"Tomorrow we see the obstetrician."

"Yeah."

"Are you ready, Bobby?" She was relieved when his hand found hers in the darkness.

"Are you?"

"Oh, I'm ready! I may sleep on the couch for the first three months, just because I can."

"You're assuming you'll be getting any sleep."

"Very funny."

"I'm just pointing out the obvious."

"I want you to slow down."

"Huh?"

"You're working too hard. You're exhausted."

"Alex, we agreed about this."

"Did you clear it with Ross?"

"N-no, not exactly."

"Bobby!" There was no mistaking the exasperation in her tone. "Then for all we know, you're doing it for nothing."

"Either way, I'll be with you and our little girl. They can fire me if they want, I'm going to be there."

"I can't believe you didn't talk to him about it."

"I'll talk to him."

"Well, you'd better do it soon."

"I'll talk to him tomorrow." He hadn't intended to, but he snapped at her. They lay in silence, but he refused to let go her hand.

Finally, she broke the cool stillness of the room. "Maybe I should call him. Or maybe Logan said something."

"Logan?!"

"He is your partner, Bobby. He knows why you've been putting in all the extra hours."

"He knows his place is not in my business," Bobby grumbled. He let go of her hand and rolled out of bed. "I… I forgot something. I'll be back."

He padded to the kitchen and opened the cabinet on the end, where they kept their odd bottles of medicine. Bobby held the orange bottle in his hand and read the label, wondering if he should take one or not.

Finally, he shook one into his hand and gulped it down with a glass of water. Her appointment was in the morning. He didn't want to feel gritty and short-fused for it.

Bobby walked down the hall and joined Alex in bed again, pausing this time to kiss her good night.

* * *

Alex came out of the shower and he was still in bed. "Bobby, get up, hon, we have to go to the doctor."

He mumbled something and rolled to one side.

She finished dressing and eased her hips onto the mattress beside him. She was worried about him. She knew last night that he was exhausted, and she hadn't seen him this groggy in the morning since before she was put on bedrest. Alex let her hand fall against his shoulder. She massaged him gently. "Bobby, wake up."

He sighed and mumbled again.

"What? I can't understand you."

"I'm just… give me a minute."

"You've already had 20. If I wait much longer, we'll miss my appointment."

He forced himself to sit up and rubbed his eyes, hard. "Sorry," he said. He really seemed out of it.

"I'll go make you some coffee," Alex said. The one thing she looked forward to on appointment days was being allowed to move around, if only for a few hours. It gave her some of her freedom back. "On your feet," she ordered, and she watched him get out of bed before she left the room.

In the kitchen, she set up the coffee pot and started it. Alex glanced around, wanting to see the shape her apartment was in since she had been unable to care for it. She scanned the living room and then the kitchen.

There was a prescription bottle on the counter. She picked it up, reading the label.

"Sleeping pills? No wonder," she said to herself. She waddled back down the hall to find him.

"Bobby?"

"Yeah," he called from the bathroom. She heard him spit and rinse before he opened the door.

"You're taking sleeping pills?"

"First time," he said. "I… I thought I needed one."

"Oh," she said. "Well, the coffee's on. Are you okay to drive?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied. The truth was, he felt foggy. He combed his hair and got dressed, determined to shake the drugged feeling.

Alex brought him a cup of coffee and he drank it gratefully. "You're walking around a lot," he observed.

"Oh, don't, Bobby. It's the one day I get to."

He nodded and sipped the coffee in silence. They walked out of the apartment together.

* * *

He dropped her off at home and drove in to work. The sleeping pill was finally wearing off. He promised himself he'd never take another one.

She was upset with him for not talking to Ross, and he supposed he deserved that. He hadn't known how to handle it, really. Because they weren't married, he had no right to take family medical leave for himself. He thought moving in with her was a major accomplishment; he knew asking her to marry him would never fly.

And when it came down to it, Bobby just assumed that Ross would do the right thing. The man knew the extra hours he had been putting in. He could put two and two together. He was a detective, after all.

But she was right, he'd have to talk to him. Bobby parked the car and rode quietly up the elevators. He went straight to the Captain's door and knocked.

Ross waved him in with a smile. "How is she?" he asked, genuinely interested.

"They, uh, they're going to induce next week. I have to check her in at the Hospital Tuesday morning."

Now Ross' grin was even bigger.

"Captain, I… I know you're aware of the extra hours I've been putting in."

"You and Logan have cleared more cases this last two months than any other team."

"Captain, I was hoping… I could flex that time when… you know, when…"

Ross' mouth curled on one side. "I can't relieve you from all your responsibilities. You'll have to check in with us every day, and if we catch something big, I may have to call you in… but I'll do everything I can, Goren. A man deserves to be with his family when his child is born."

Bobby finally allowed himself to smile. "Thank you, sir."


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

They were both nervous, but neither of them would admit it. Bobby hovered near her while they got everything set up. The doctor had already been in and out and informed Alex that the contractions would likely start within the hour and to expect them to be strong.

The IV was in her arm, and monitors were tracking both her and the baby. A blood pressure cuff was on one arm, and would automatically inflate at regular intervals.

Alone in the room, the couple grasped hands. Bobby touched her pregnant belly, and then glanced at her. "It… it's going to be soon," he said.

She nodded. "I love you, Bobby. Remember that. No matter what I may say in the next few hours."

He grinned. "Say whatever you want. I can take it." He kissed her sweetly, and they settled in to wait for labor to begin.

A few minutes later, her expression tightened, and she squeezed his hand, hard.

"Th-this is it!" he said, excitement in his voice. "Contraction!" He watched her closely as she bore the pain, and when it was over, he glanced at the clock.

"Good, good job, Alex," he encouraged her.

"Whew… that was pretty intense for a first one."

"The doctor said the medicine would do that."

"Is my sister here yet?"

"N-no. You want me to call her?"

"Would you?"

He smiled and kissed her forehead. Then he stepped out of the room and quickly called Liz. When he returned, she was already having another one. Alex was sitting up, holding the side rail of the bed with both hands. Bobby put his hands on her back, trying to soothe her any way he could. As Alex gasped with pain, he felt a pain of his own. This wasn't going to be easy for him, either.

Finally, she panted with relief. He reminded her to take some deep breaths. The nurse came in and adjusted the drip of the IV, then left again. "Liz is on her way. She got hung up in traffic," Bobby explained. "She said maybe another twenty minutes."

"Okay," Alex breathed. He helped her lie back and caressed her belly again.

The nurse came in again, and adjusted the IV again. "Your blood pressure is going up," she explained. "The doctor wants us to increase the medication."

Alex's face filled with worry, but Bobby's touch comforted her.

"Of course it's going up, you're in labor," he said. "Don't think about it, Alex. You're in good hands, here."

By the time Liz arrived, Bobby needed a break. He'd seen her through two more rounds of contractions, and now the pain was so bad she was crying out. He stepped into the hall and paced it a few times, then when he heard her cry, he went back in.

Liz was offering words of encouragement in her ear as Alex squeezed her hand. Bobby reached over to hold her, too, but Alex lashed out at him. "Don't touch me!"

The look in her eyes was pure loathing. He stepped back and fidgeted, not sure what to do with his hands. She cried out again and her water broke. Bobby skittered into the hall to report this new development.

Soon after, a nurse was in constant attendance, as well. In between contractions, she let him approach her again, but when she was in the throes of pain, she became irritated by his touch. Alex clung to her sister.

* * *

It took three hours, and the room was filled with the shrill cry of a new voice. Bobby cut the cord, and tears filled his eyes as he held his little girl. He carried her forward and laid her in Alex's arms. They cried together, as Liz stepped back, smiling from ear to ear.

"Amy Frances Goren," Alex said, stroking the baby's cheek.

"She's so tiny," Bobby said, and they chuckled together, overwhelmed by the awe of the tiny creature in front of them.

The nurse adjusted the IV again, removing the bags that were no longer needed, but leaving the one with the blood pressure medicine.

Bobby kissed the baby's head, and Alex thought she couldn't possibly love him more than she did in that moment.

* * *

"Oh, sis, she looks just like you," Johnny said, holding the new baby in his arms. "Amy." Johnny smiled at the little girl, who was sound asleep.

His baby safely asleep, Bobby was focused on Alex. She was fighting sleep, and they still hadn't quite stabilized her blood pressure. "You okay?" he asked her.

"So tired," she said.

"Go to sleep. Amy's fine for now. You just ran a marathon, you know. You need to rest."

"Bobby, I'm sorry."

He looked at her, bewildered.

"I was so hateful to you."

He shook his head and grinned. "Forget it, Alex. Besides, I told you I could take it."

She drifted into sleep at last, and he spent several minutes just admiring her beauty.

The baby grunted and suckled against the air, causing Johnny to chuckle. Bobby looked over at him.

"I think I'm in love," Johnny said, never taking his eyes off her.

Bobby smiled at them and then looked back at Alex. _I think I am, too._

* * *

The baby was doing fine, but they stayed in the hospital for Alex's sake. Her blood pressure was reluctant to come down, and it took 4 days before they finally thought they had it under control. Bobby teased her about being stubborn. Every time she worried, he made her laugh.

Alex's family was there in turn, and they even entertained visits from Logan and Ross. When they had time alone, they tried to get used to the idea that they were parents.

"Maybe tomorrow," Bobby said. "I'm anxious to get her home."

"Me, too," Alex agreed. "I just want to be somewhere where there aren't lights on 24/7, and constant interruptions."

"Maybe tomorrow," he said again. Bobby held the baby in the crook of his left arm and stroked Alex's hair back with his right hand.

"You shaved," Alex commented.

"It's too hot for a beard," he told her. He raised his hand to his own face. There was another reason. He wanted to hold the baby close, to feel her, skin on skin, when he held her on his shoulder, her head against his cheek.

"Bobby… did you mean what you said about us? That… we can't let it fall apart?"

Bobby stared at the infant in his arms. "We can't. We have to make it work, Alex."

She nodded and closed her eyes for a moment. "Bobby, marry me."

He jerked in surprise and the baby fussed. After he quieted her, he looked at Alex. "You just proposed to me?!" He whispered.

Tears filled her eyes. "We can't let it fall apart, Bobby. I love you. I love Amy. We can do this."

A sparkle shone in his eyes, and a slow grin spread across his face. Bobby leaned over and kissed her.

THE END

* * *

A/N Thank you all so much for tagging along on this ride! I love reviews, and still welcome them, even well after my stories are finished. I hope you enjoyed it!


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